[HALLIEBETH87]

I used to have a huge problem going places alone. Im not really sure. I havent had such issues in a long while though it did happen occassionally. I got really good at it actually (going to walmart and other stores or other places with friends where people I dont know would be.) This anxiety, in the past, has kept me from doing all sorts of things. Well lately I havent been myself but wasnt to this point again. Last friday I didnt go to "Secret Church" because I had no one to go with. I was really upset, crying and whatnot but I got over it. If I am with someone I am usually fine. Its when Im alone I get upset. I went to an Emmaus Gathering (church thing) last night and though I went with an old friend whom I havent hung out with in the last 7 yrs at all, it still was awful. Shes recently gotten engaged so everyone wanted to chat with her naturally. We were her parents, fiance and his daughter. At this particular Gathering I knew few people. My friends family know everyone pretty much so they were busy talking the whole night. I was so uncomfortable during fellowship time. I sat alone on a bench and wanted to disappear. When people I did not (like 3 people) came to talk to me I was so wacked out inside I barely spoke with much joy or enthusiasm. I feel bad and hope they werent offended Today I wanted so bad to go to the state book fair and get a new book signed by my favorite author but didnt because I couldnt find anyone to go with.

Why is is this happening to me again? I HATE it. I am 24 yrs old and cant get over this anxiety. I HATE it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[addcolin]

((((HALLIEBETH87)))))

? !

[Perna]

You have to do stuff, despite how it feels. Do worst case scenario stuff. What if you had gone to the fair/book signing alone, what could have happened? You could have a melt down? So? If you don't know the people, you won't see them again and you would have done what you wanted and gotten the book signed. Concentrate on what you want, not on what you feel is keeping you from what you want.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Im really sad I let it get to me so much. Bah!

I wonder if my pdoc is wrong. Shes dx'd me with panic disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. most my anxiety can b generalized but most of what i remember happening is in the social aspect ex: public events that involve me speaking or being down front of anyone at all, group projects at trainings, being around a bunch of people I dont know, going to new places for events with people im never around, goign out with friends ive never gone out with, people around guys period, buying clothes, grocery shopping, (im fat), picking up meds, talking to smart people, feeling like a failure with my failure, having to "dress up" because I never feel I look as pretty as other people, singing at church and Emmaus stuff, cooking for other people because I dont know if they will like it, etc etc etc etc

[pbutton]

I've found the trick is to do the scary stuff. It's hard and I know, it's not fun at the time. But the more I do, the stronger and more powerful I feel. I feel much worse when I give into the fear.