[BlondeFairy]

Hi all!! I had one of the worst nights of my life 2 nights ago. My 3 year old woke up screaming. My hubby went to go see what was wrong and she started throwing up! I was still laying in bed and when I heard her get sick I FROZE. I seriously couldnt move. I started shaking and got all hot and cold and couldnt move. I couldnt talk, either. I 100% thought she was going to die. My hubby took care of her and cleaned her up and brought her in our bed. I felt her and she was burning up! So once again, i just sat there while my hubby gave her some meds for her fever. The whole time this was happening I was so nauseas, shaking like I was having a Seizure!! I was absolutely terrified. She finally ended up falling asleep between my hubby and I and every time that I tried to lay next to her I would start having another panic attack, cause I could feel how warm she was!! So I had to move to the couch. Once there I started to do my breathing exercises but every time I heard her move, cough or talk, I would have another panic attack. This literally lasted ALL NIGHT LONG!I didnt take my klonopin cause I was afraid I would throw it up. I was sooooo nauseaus. I called my therapist in the morning and we are going to work on how I can cope with this next time. This is only the 2nd time my daughter has gotten sick, so I think thats why it was so hard for me. It was also hard cause when I usually have panic attacks they are cause I think I am dying. This time the thought of my baby dying was soooooo hard to go through. I dont really know why Im writing this. I guess cause i cant tell anyone else cause they will think I am A. Making it up or exxagerating B. They might think I am a bad mom. I am NOT! I did feel like one that night, though. I was crying the next day and felt horrible. So I guess I was wondering if you guys have any suggestions, also. I see my therapist on Monday, I just hope I am ok til then.

On a side note, I was having these seizure-like things happen to me every few months for the past couple of years. My primary doc sent me to a neurologist who sent me for a Brain SCAN, EEG, and a whole bunch of tests. They all came back negative, there are no lesions on my brain, so the doc doesnt know what they are from. Well, since I had one that night, I believe they are part of my anxiety. Its crazy what your mind can do!!

Thank you for listening!! It means alot!! XOXO

[ur_ladybird]

How are you doing today? Sorry, only just came across your post and wanted to see how you are.

I'm a mother myself and used to call myself "First time mother". No prior experience, will make mistakes but will fight for my child with my life if I should have to.
It is one of the most scary things when your child gets ill. I know that feeling of lying next to your child, feeling their body burning up. You just want to make your child better.
But to me it sounds like there is more behind that and I'm glad you have a therapist you can speak it through.

I have no doubt that the first time mother applies to you as well in the sense that your reflexes will kick in when needed. You are not a bad mother, you are a mother who is dealing with anxietys and being a mum. In my book that means you are getting help when it's needed.... Which makes you the best mother you can be!

Hugs to you and let us know how you are doing.

[BlondeFairy]

(((ur ladybird))) Thank you so much for your support! It means a lot that you took the time to respond!! My weekend has been good. I have been more anxious than normal since this all happened but no panic attacks *knock on wood*. My daughter must have had a bug cause she was fine the next day and since then she has been her normal happy energetic self. I have my therapist tomorrow, so we are going to do some exercises so I will be prepared next time. Again, thank you so much for your response!!