[Switch]

I'm not having any issues right now, but I was thinking of opening up this disscution for the future.

I think I have agoraphobia, but I haven't had it dx'd yet. Getting there.

It's not too bad, but it gets worse the longer I leave it. Essentially, most days I can't leave my apartment. I've had to rework my schedule to accommodate because I am also a part time university student with a LD that requires me to be in the classroom to actually learn anything, as well as T downtown, and I am wanting to go back to work.

Does anyone else struggle with the extreme challenge that is walking out your door? For me I am fine until I try to leave my apartment, and then the harder I try the more I find myself in the corner of my kitchen crying and shaking. Luckily it doesn't happen all the time, but I never know when it's going to happen. I find it very hard to leave for "little" reasons, like laundry, or groceries and can usually fight past it for school, or therapy or appointments.

I rely on my parents a lot, which I find really embarrassing because I'm 20 and live on my own. They help me get my groceries, and will let me do my laundry at they're place, and when I can't do it even with them there, they will often offer to do it for me. I find it really hard to be out without my mom or dad or someone else (like my sister, who lives in Waterloo, which is no help at all).

I appreciate they're support, it's probably the thing I'm grateful for the most in life, but I don't want to keep relying on them like this. My mom just broke her leg, so I'm not going to be able to get drives to places, and I have to get to therapy on my own tomorrow. I'm really worried I won't be able to again, and although my T does sessions over skype if it's needed I don't like doing that. I don't like relying on people or getting special treatment (mostly because it makes you stick out), and I just want to be able to do this on my own. I'm planing on moving to another province in September and I want to be able to get to class, and T, and get groceries on my own!

I guess what I'm really asking is does anyone else out there go through this, and have resources to help concur it on your own? Anything you found helpful? Because the only thing that makes it go away for me is to not fight it... and that's not an option.

[healed84]

I don't have Agorphobia, but anxiety gets so high.. it leaves me unable to leave my house for some days in a row. I don't have any suggestions as I am still getting through it myself. I will be taking meds soon, and hoping that helps. Does your T know how bad it is for you? I hope you can get some help soon.

[-Astral-]

I think i have Agoraphobia too , i cant leave the house with out my husband and traveling on buses really makes me anxious..Am glad you are seeking therapy but have you tried medication
i was on Valium for a while and it helped me
but i can no longer take it for other reasons
Hope things improve for you
Ella

[Switch]

I'm on medication for Bipolar2, but I'm still working through getting the rest of my issues diagnosed. Until then I can't take meds for it. Though my next assessment with yet another specialist is in a month. And yes, my T does know. He's let me do a skype session once when I couldn't get downtown. I had managed to get outside but I had a complete breakdown at the bus stop and bolted before the bus got there.

[ur_ladybird]

My agoraphobia is triggered by my social anxiety. I never realised that I had it until I had to go to court concerning an appeal for ESA benefit. The judge and the doctor sitting on the appeal kept on coming back to a sentence I had written on the form. I sit in front of the cupboard quite literally for hours unable to pick out what to wear. Adding to it is that I seem to have a dislike to showers as well. It takes me ages to get myself to have a shower (ages as in a couple of days). I won't leave the house at all looking less then perfect ( make up, proper clothes etc), and that is only when I can't avoid going out at all.

I have noticed that I am able to do things when it comes to my son. I have been to meetings with him, have made phone calls for him (extrem phone phobia means I only use my phone to talk to ca 3 people, son, mother and ex husband) etc. in the past.

For myself it seems like a tower... Low self-esteem at the bottom, pain (I have fibromyalgia), even more low self esteem, more pain, panic attacks, social anxiety and now worsening agoraphobia. Now if you add traumatising life events to this tower you have the leaning tower of Pisa .

I know, this might not be of much help to you. The one thing I do know of my anxiety and phobias is... As more I give into them as worse it gets. Getting help for it should be simple, and I know social anxiety is very treatable, but it takes ages. I have tried for nearly a year now, and have had counselling prior to this. But I am still waiting to see a therapist. (counselling is good, but as a pain psychologist agreed with me... It didn't go deep enough.)

Coming back to your post,... If Skype doesn't work for you (it wouldn't for me) find another therapist in the area you are going to. Look into your options of therapy as well. Usually cognitive therapy is used to change the way you think... Counselling can raise awareness... All of this can be very helpful, but it wouldn't work for me. Key is that you feel comfortable with your therapist. This will make it easier to attend sessions. Maybe you could phone a few therapists up to just get a feel for them before you decide seeing someone. Most therapists are happy to talk to you prior the initial assessment... Ask questions to their experience in the line of help you need etc.

As for appreciating the support of others like your parents but not wanting to rely on others... My son is exactly like that. He is 18, has social anxiety disorder and I would say he put me into the driving seat of his life for about two years. Then came the point which you are talking about... Independence! Wanting to be independent is the best motivator you can have. The way my son did it was to sit down with me and talk to me... Explaining that he feels ready for it, and also asking me to push him if he needs a push... (before I would have tried to protect him). Now, if he asks me to do something for him, I gently remind him of the independence bit and he realises that it would be a step back if I were to do things for him. I'm not sure if you can see a link here but my son and myself had a codependent relationship... Not good for neither. On the other hand, keep in mind ... How many twenty year olds have moved out and left home? In the UK not many. And how many of those who have moved take their washing home... Ask any mother ... A lot of them! What I'm trying to say is ... Don't be too hard on yourself.

Right, am getting the feeling that I have been going on again ... ... Sorry. The whole thing about agoraphobia just gets me going as it has played such a big part in my life. Let us know how you are getting on please.

[whoswho]

Hi Switch,

Normally I don't post (due to being anxious, ironically enough), but felt compelled to do so in this case, and hopefully you will find my experience helpful. I can never exactly pinpoint when my Agoraphobia started, but by the time I really began to realize that I had a problem it was too late and I had been shut in my house for almost two months. This episode lasted almost six months... I could not get the mail or take out the trashcans to the curb. I was 17 and about to graduate high school (luckily my school let me graduate, since I technically missed more days than I was allowed but my GPA was high) and my aunt had purchased plane tickets for me to go to Disneyland as a surprise gift, and I had to beg and plead not to go, the thought of going there was too terrifying to even imagine. Not to mention the guilt and shame that followed that incident; my parents told me I was ungrateful for not accepting the tickets.

That was 2 years ago. Since then I have been to various doctors and therapists and treatment centers. Unfortunately, there is no "cure," or even a real long-term treatment for anxiety. Medications like Ativan, Klonopin, and Xanax are helpful in the short term but do not alleviate the fears themselves. SSRIs are said to be more helpful for long-term anxiety but I cannot take SSRIs because I have bad reactions to them. The real treatment that is usually implemented is something called "Exposure Therapy." That is, essentially, doing all those horrible things that you are afraid of in small, "easier to manage" steps and building up experience from there. For example, I have had therapists accompany me to public places. You will also learn various distress tolerance skills like deep breathing, muscle relaxation, and visualization to manage anxiety.

I suppose I am somewhat "well versed" in anxiety disorders and have been diagnosed with several of them simultaneously: Panic/Agoraphobia, Social Anxiety, and GAD. And I would still not say that I am anywhere close to finding a "cure" to anxiety, I still struggle immensely with it even with treatment. But the only way to go out is to go out, despite the anxiety. The more you avoid something the more feared it becomes; anxiety is cyclical in nature. So your goal must be changed from "How can I avoid anxiety?" to "How can I function even with anxiety?" Eventually (this is what doctors and therapists claim, though I am not personally at this stage yet), the more you do things that are anxiety-provoking, the less anxious you will feel and the easier functioning in everyday life will become.

[Switch]

Whoswho. Thank you so much for replying. It means a lot, and what you said made a lot of sense to me. Thank you.

I'm still trying to figure out what happened for me. I am naturally not an anxious person! Or at least I never thought I was. I certainly would have never said I had social anxiety; I was always the life of the party and loved to be the centre of attention. Actors! I've been thinking a lot on who I use to be, and how I want to get back to that. I'm using it as motivation to get better and worth through things.

I feel like I'm working backwards on Exposure Therapy, lol. My mom accompanies me most places, although I've been trying to take steps away from that this week since her ankle is broken and she can't really accompany me anywhere. With the exception of one freak out on the bus home (which I ended up posting a threat about as I was on the bus from my phone so I could keep busy) I've been okay.

I'm coming to realize that there is no "cure" to anything that isn't at lest 50% willpower and determination. Though I don't think I can do it based only on my willpower, I know I can do about half of it, and I think I'm going to start there. I like how you put it. "How can I function even with anxiety?" I am going to have to keep that in mind.

Ladybird, thank you as well for sharing your experience with me, and your sons experience.

I too have a massive phone phobia. I always have, and it use to extend into giving my order to a waiter, and even buying something at the cash register. For me I think it's based in a "am I acting appropriately, omg I'm standing out, because I'm stupid, they're laughing at me, I'm going to be that girl who everyone laughs at!" I always feel judged on my purchases, and orders, even online if I order multiple times from the same site! I never want to end up as an internet meme or something, and I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to do anything on the phone on my own... which sucks because I love take out food! The only people I can talk to on the phone are people I've met often in person.

My T's not too much of a problem in himself. We're still in the getting to know you stages. And the Skype didn't bother me too much because I know him, but I don't want to feel like I'm wasting his time or something. I've already missed appointments from being 45 min late or getting the wrong time and stuff. I started feeling bad about all of that ages ago, and it only compounds.

I would love to sit my parents down and tell them to make me do it on my own, but I'm scared. Despite my bravado above, I am still petrified and I don't want to get rid of the training wheels because I don't want to fall (to use a metaphor). I will have to just suck it up at some point. *deep breath* Regardless, I'm going to push really hard not to give in, even if it's at the point where the fear is physically painful.

Quick note on the washing: when I start getting really worked up on it, I'm going to start convincing myself it's not my anxiety that I need to wash my clothes at my parents, but because I can't afford to wash them at my house! Regardless, I'm going to try and do the laundry with my sister (who's visiting) today.

And a final note for Ladybird. Most 20 year olds live either on their own or with a room mate. It's not uncommon to find people still living at home, but it's socially frowned upon unless it's obviously cultural. ie, if you're Italian, it's not a bad thing to be living at home, but if you're "wester" then it better be for financial reasons or else, wtf man!? Even if you're having financial problems it's better to be trying to live away from your parents than it is to depend on them. Or at least as far as I've experienced that's the idea in "mainstream western culture".

Thank you both so much for replying. I'm sorry I couldn't reply faster, but a lot has been going on. I am working on an essay for school, and an exam that I am likely going to fail because I know **** all about Islam (which is what the exam is on)! My issue is not the religion, but all of the arabic words I have to know! And names and dates! Gah!

Alright, I'm going to get back to work. I just wanted to reply because I've been trying to find time to just sit and write it out. Thank you both so so so much for your replies, they were extremely helpful and encouraging and enlightening. I hope both of you are doing all right, and if it's okay for me to say it, I promise I'm going to fight to get past this for you two as well as myself. I know that's weird... but it's true.