[Phoboxyl]

Well maybe you are. Then again, maybe you're not. What is a "loser" anyway?

I think we can all agree that a "loser" is somebody who fails at life. But, if you think about it, this understanding makes it impossible to "define" anyone as a "loser". Why not? Because "loser" describes what they do rather than what they are. Read that again and notice I said "define". You can certainly describe someone as a loser but that's not the same thing as defining them. Why not? Because they might change their behavior tomorrow and instantly stop being a loser, but they could not stop being tall, male or female, a human being, or someone who likes sugar. The term "loser" is merely a description of how well you do in life, but the qualities I listed are part of you and do not depend on your actions.

Okay, but you can still be described as a "loser" because you clearly are failing in life, right?

Not if it isn't your fault:

YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME FOR THE SYMPTOMS OF YOUR MEDICAL CONDITION

Symptoms that cripple or damage your ability to pursue your interests, develop an attractive attitude, build social skills, make friends, get in shape, perform in the workplace, do well in school, be positive and fun, and otherwise function in life, are typical of many psychiatric disorders such as...

1. Social Phobia
2. General Anxiety Disorder
3. Major Depression
4. Bi-Polar
5. Panic Disorder
6. OCD
7. ADD

And many more. So if you have a psychiatric disorder then research the typical problems sufferers encounter. Try asking others if they have the same "loser qualities" you do. Then ask yourself: if these failures are really the result of being a "loser" then how come so many other people with your illness have the exact same issues? There is of course, only one logical answer, which is that these problems are really predictable symptoms of a clinical disorder.

You cannot be blamed for being a "loser" anymore than a person with cerebral palsy or a a debilitating injury can be blamed for the life "failures" that result from their condition. Mental illness is a real health issue with real consequences and you do not deserve for your condition to be whimsically dismissed or for blame to be cast on you. Don't do this to yourself and do not allow other "normal" people to do it to you either. You're not a loser, you have a disorder, and when you get better the problems will disappear.

[Stryder]

My problem is that I was never a "loser" until after I was diagnosed. That's when all the trouble began. In six month I've gone from having a great job and a great life to being totally alone, jobless and more anxious and depressed and withdrawn than I've ever been in the last 46+ years of my life. I feel trapped and super anxious.
Anyone ????

I've felt like a Loser for a long time. It has become especially glaring since being laid off from my job and out of work for 2 1/2 years (I finally found work 8 months ago, TG) and several deaths in the family. One of which was my fiance (cancer).

My family's "Success Meter" is based on gender (for instance: Males = Income, Money in the Bank, Material Wealth. Females = Married into what type of family and money pooled, Children conceived, grandchildren).

My sister is married with children, her husband does well, they own their own home and drive nice cars. My brother is a C-Level Executive and Board Member of an International Company (of which he is a partner/owner).

I am a complete and total failure...especially being the oldest. I do not have a husband, children, successful career, material wealth, money in the bank nor do I own my own home, drive a fancy car.

Somewhere along the way, my optimism and self-confidence (even a smidge) got lost, under layers of experiences with death, pain, violence, etc. and I folded into myself.

I feel like I look like Potato Head all the time: just a big lump. And I don't feel as if I am good enough (most of the time - if ever). I can't even go into a nice establishment, be in crowds, attend culture-based events, etc. because I feel as if I'm not good enough.

I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL LOSER. A Scarlet "L" on my forehead. And I am super-disappointed in myself (based on the criteria that I absolutely have not met).

[CastlesInTheAir]

I don't think anyone should feel like a loser. Its really just a relative word that society made up. Just like the word "cool" all superficial words that people look at far too often to judge themselves against other people when you can't really compare one person to another. We all come from different places make our own mistakes all have ups and downs. Life is about your own personal journey and not fitting into a label or living up to superficial and narrow minded standards.

[Nikolaevna]

Originally Posted by triciadrich

I don't think anyone should feel like a loser. Its really just a relative word that society made up. Just like the word "cool" all superficial words that people look at far too often to judge themselves against other people when you can't really compare one person to another. We all come from different places make our own mistakes all have ups and downs. Life is about your own personal journey and not fitting into a label or living up to superficial and narrow minded standards.

You can't be a loser for something you didn't choose.

[Phoboxyl]

Originally Posted by Stryder

My problem is that I was never a "loser" until after I was diagnosed. That's when all the trouble began. In six month I've gone from having a great job and a great life to being totally alone, jobless and more anxious and depressed and withdrawn than I've ever been in the last 46+ years of my life. I feel trapped and super anxious.
Anyone ????

Wow Stryder. What have you been diagnosed with? That's often how disorders hit you - all of the sudden. You go from being a happy and reasonably functioning individual to being totally messed up.

[Phoboxyl]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL LOSER. A Scarlet "L" on my forehead. And I am super-disappointed in myself (based on the criteria that I absolutely have not met).

How is it your fault that these things have happened to you?

I will not invalidate you but I won't enable your disorder either. I don't believe these failures are something you caused and I don't think you have a good reason to believe that either. THERE IS HOWEVER a totally valid reason why you would believe it is your fault - your disorder is causing you to believe you are to blame.

Try an exercise that I like to call the "Court Trial" technique: There are two possibilities. The first (a) is that you are guilty of being a loser because these failures are largely or even entirely your fault. The second (b) is that you are not a loser because these failures are symptoms of your disorders.

Now, you must prove to the court that YOUR conclusion is the correct one and that the other is false. Only objective evidence will be allowed, there's no special pleading or hunches.

1. Prosecute yourself as hard as you can with all of the evidence that you are a loser - list it line by line and for each reason justify why it's your fault.

2. Switch and act as the defense, throwing your hardest case to defend yourself from the accusations. For each accusation use one of the CBT methods (google this) to demonstrate your innocence.

3. Now act as the Jury and conclude whether or not you are guilty of the accusation (being a loser) or innocent (your disorders are to blame).

This method works well but you may have to do it many times over the course of a few months before you believe in your innocence. Let me know how it goes.

[lancetrot]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL LOSER. A Scarlet "L" on my forehead. And I am super-disappointed in myself (based on the criteria that I absolutely have not met).

Hi Rose Panachée

Remember Winston Churchill quotes

• Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
• There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
• History will be kind to me for I intend to write it

[venusss]

No offense, but I don't think it is that simple. You either are loser or disordered?

Really? And if you are disordered you cannot do anything? What is such "innocence" worth? Get out of life free card?

I think no matter what, we gotta try. People with real physical handicaps are doing things with their lifes often.

I don't even believe the "once you get "better", problems will dissapear". No. You need to work on yourself even if you are not "better". You may never be sufficiently "better". Unless you try, you never know what are you capable of. Mental quirks are not something that can be treated in isolation. And many of them are not curable in traditional sense, especially those that involve some degree of trauma or bad experience. It stays with you. Does it mean you never get "better" and are destined to be "not-loster! disordered!" for rest of your life?

[-jimi-]

I'm definitely a loser. Some days I blame myself for not trying harder, some days I blame how my brain is for not functioning well on some things.

Usually I don't make it "about me", it's more a statement. I don't think I'm evil and should be punished for it.

I can handle a lot of things. Problem is, a lot of those, I don't find are what I want to do. If I had bad self esteem I could think "at least I can do this", but since I don't, things just sucks for the things I can't.

I've tried to like what I can do. I've tried to realize I can't do all the things I can't do. Still I feel I was put here on earth to do these things... and I failed at that. I don't care how others view me, but I failed my mission.

[venusss]

So how does one get better? And I am dead serious in this question, because I have numerous quirks that hold me back, but I am hella determined to live my life.

Reply in private if you want, but I would really like to hear.

I'm so NOT a loser ...

I used to think that I was so much that the Loser song by Beck was my theme song ...

Now that I've come to realize that I'm NOT a loser, life has gotten much better ...

Not perfect ... Not painless ... Just better ...

[ADDithers]

Couldn't help to think of the fab four - singing 'I'm a Loser' - 1965 -

One died too early of cancer,
One was cut down by a murderer,
One is destroyed with so much arrogance he tossed all his fan mail in the trash & said that's where any more that is sent will go so don't waste your time -

Just Paul survived to sit on top of the dog pile of life -

Well I'd rather be a live nobody than a dead Beatle -

No doubt they all long for ...
...yesterday

Originally Posted by lancetrot

Hi Rose Panachée

Remember Winston Churchill quotes

• Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.
• There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
• History will be kind to me for I intend to write it

I love Winston Churchill'isms! Thank you.