[Mogeii]

Quickly I want to introduce myself to this particular forum for anxiety. I have posted before on the Depression forum during a Major Depressive Episode late last year and early this year and the ups and downs since then. Recently though I have come to believe that my depression is a symptom of my anxiety disorder or disorders. I am diagnoses GAD with minor panic disorder but me and my psych are currently trying to figure out if Bipolar II may fit as well.

Anywho, I have a pretty good support system. My therapist is very nice and always willing to listen. My parents are always there for me when needed and my friends are not put off by my cycles and problems. All of these people are supportive, but none of them could ever understand. For instance, tommorow I start switching from Zoloft to Lexapro. My zoloft seems to have pooped out and I have heard great things about Lexapro so I asked my psych and he said it was worth a shot. I tell my mom about this med switch and she is supportive, but she has no comprehension as to what this means. She is fairly educated on the topic of anxiety/depression because her Son was suicidal last year and she went into "anything to save my son mode" for 2 months and studied her *** off. But sadly as im sure everyone on this forum can agree, reading about anxiety and depression NEVER covers all the symptoms, feeling, and thoughts that come with it. For one, check wikipedia, webmd, mayo clinic, and all those credible sights and you never see the symptom listed "I don't know what, why, or how I am feeling miserable, but I am." No one can understand that if they don't feel it first hand, and trying to explain it is really impossible. This is my least favorite symptom. I can have racing heart, shallow breathing, upset stomach (always), pain, but all of these lack in comparison to that feeling I get where every cell in my body is saying "You dont feel good". Its just a general feeling of discomfort and fear that is not covered in lists of symptoms you find on the internet or in pamphlets.

The flip side to this is the internal. I, like many others im sure, understand my illness better than anyone else in the world. It is mine. I may not know the best treatment, but I know the symptoms and feelings better than anyone else ever could. I dont know the exact name for it maybe, but I can talk to myself about how it feels and it all makes sense while trying to explain it to even the most supportive person leaves me feeling worse when seeing their lack of comprehension. This includes doctors btw. Take the Lexapro example again. I UNDERSTAND the switch in meds really well. I understand that switching from Zoloft to Lexapro is usually safe with mild to moderate side effects. I understand that Lexapro has a chance to be a wonder drug for me for at least a few months, or to leave me broken like never before. But i am incapable of supporting this change. Try to follow me, I am not saying I do not want to try this change, in fact I suggested it. But all I can do tonight is focus on what could go wrong with the change, and not what could go right. My reactions to the mental health stuff is always to assume the worst, expect the worst, and imagine the best, as weird as that all sounds. I have no inner support for myself during these times. Its all so frustrating.

Anyway, any positive stories about lexapro would be appreciated. Bombarding my subconscious with good stuff about the med will prolly help its effectiveness. Anyone else feel frustrated about how your specific anxiety/depression can never be understood by others, or that you can never internally just support you decisions without always expecting it to be a nightmare?