[ladytiger]

i have been seeing a therapist for a few weeks and been enjoying it. we have uncovered quite a bit about my childhood growing up. i have been doing grounding techniques like breathing exercises, finger/arm stretch, neck rolls, and saying nice statements about myself.

i never had bad anxiety like i do now. when i was a kid, i was so outgoing and a lil bit shy but didnt fear speaking in public or anything until we moved to another state where that all changed. well, my parents have put a lot of lies into my head about life, people, and other things hence adding anxiety!

constant degrading, yelling, hostile environment, etc took a giant toll on my communication skills and caused such severe anxiety. the thing is when i get anxious/anxiety, it is stored mostly in my chest and sometimes a combination of it stored in both my chest and stomach. if i had to ask someone a question, the anxiety pops up in my chest causing me to stutter, speak quietly, and not speaking clearly about what i am saying/asking.

well, with the grounding techniques i am doing, my bp went from 135/76 to 124/90 i use pure lavender oil since it has calming and soothing properties i was so happy about my bp! my PCP has no idea i am seeing a therapist.

im not interested in medication i am doing talk therapy and she doesnt push medicines on me. even when i am not in a situation, i still get anxiety. my mental state of mind went downhill at age 10 to the point i dont wanna do anything i told my therapist that.

she says with this exercise, this should bring down my anxiety and clear my mind. my anxiety goes up and down so i know its natural to feel anxious/anxiety over something but why is mine still going up and down? my therapist has no idea i am still living in this hostile environment she thinks i stay with my bf and his dad until i get back on my feet.

i know its lying but i dont want DES paperwork to come to my house and that will cause a huge civil war battle between my mom and i. so i have been accessing my parasympathetic side instead of my sympathetic side the fight or flight part of it.

of course, i have no anxiety when speaking to my bf but other ppl i just hide behind him like a lil kid yet i never did that when i was a kid. he knows full well of my childhood and living situation i mean he should know at now 7 yrs of being together.

it still is hard for me to even speak to people usually i turn away like hurry up and stop talking but i dont want to feel that way. so, i guess what i am asking is has anyone ever overcame their anxiety to the point they were able to speak clearly and effectively with no knots in the tummy or tightness in the chest?

if i could clear this up, i would have no problems speaking with confidence in a job interview. i have stumbled, stuttered, and made myself look like a jackass in social situations like i dont know how to act (thats true too) since social skills was taken away from me my mom and dad feels people dont socialize its another way of trying to be white how stupid is that comment she made!

an older lady once told me about my anxiety is how i speak in fear and not in confidence or a normal tone of voice that i speak monotone. why do i live in such fear? i told her every time i speak, people seem to shocked and think i didn't lose my voice at all and then ignore me when i do speak as if i am a bothersome.

i said if you lived in fear all of ur life like i have, it becomes hard to speak and thus you end up being a mute only to speak when spoken too that is what i did.

[Tony50]

Your message is eloquent and articulate. Maybe your true voice isn't the spoken one, your writing engages and helps people understand.

Take care and huge hugs

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

[ladytiger]

Originally Posted by Tony50

Your message is eloquent and articulate. Maybe your true voice isn't the spoken one, your writing engages and helps people understand.

Take care and huge hugs

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

Originally Posted by Tony50

Your message is eloquent and articulate. Maybe your true voice isn't the spoken one, your writing engages and helps people understand.

Take care and huge hugs

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

my narc parents killed my true voice. i was once an outgoing person and a lil shy i had no probs making friends. i became reserved when we moved in 96 at age 10 and that's where the real problem began. the level of disrespect, abuse, degraded, constant yelling, and hostile environment.

hearing everything that was so negative, killed my beloved outgoing personality. i became lost, distant from people, feared everything that came at me, and scared to do anything. when i write or things that i have written were in a dark theme and past teachers told me how it was written beautifully even though it was a dark theme.

they said ur true writing came out and i said it is based on my true feelings. i said but not my true voice since i am still not able to speak about my life i had constant judging, blamed for everything, called a liar, etc as if i wanna endure that again by other people.

i want my true voice back, my outgoing social personality. being reserved is not me that is not the person i am it's a different person. it's only because of the traumatic abuse i have endured i am not gonna accept something that is not true about me. my parents told a lot of lies about people and life in general, they dont stop lying either.

i was sheltered when we moved to the state we live in today. i was not allowed to have friends (had them anyway) or do anything when i was 10 like a typical 10 yr old would do. if i had/made friends, i was gonna end up having them lie to me or teach me the wrong things about life how freakin dumb is that my mom said.

funny, everybody is ALWAYS lying to me like my parents ever told the truth? yea ok! i hate this phobia of staying home and doing nothing all day, it brings back my depression (different if i am sick), however, it just brings back bad memories. i was confined to my room on my computer doing whatever and i was told people don't need social interaction. did i miss something?

[johnnmack102]

Many of us fear speaking in front of someone or in a crowed to reduce this fear you have to practice to overcome such kinds of phobia its a hasitation
we have.

[ladytiger]

Originally Posted by johnnmack102

Many of us fear speaking in front of someone or in a crowed to reduce this fear you have to practice to overcome such kinds of phobia its a hasitation
we have.

are you kidding? well, there's a huge difference when one came from abuse and is afraid to do anything vs someone who didn't experience abuse and can do anything he/she put their minds to it. confident people do get nervous and experience anxiety, have they ever lived their lives in fear for a long long time? that is what i have been experiencing all my life!

so, im not talking about a simple omg, i don't know what to do with my anxiety attack. no, it's not like that. like i said constant fear of people better yet speaking. i became a mute a long time ago to the point when i only spoke when spoken to and didn't wanna speak that much unless i was very familiar with the person i knew.

in the past, i spoke to ppl i didnt know and wasn't in fear vs only speaking to certain people if i feel comfortable if that makes sense. it is a trust issue that i have with people and makes it very hard to even walk up to someone and chat with them like its nothing. i get upset when i see outgoing people doing that daily like it is nothing and that's what i want back my true voice!

i have been speaking to people i can go from outgoing to fear and vice versa. so, i don't know......