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#1
Feb 03, 2014, 12:20 PM
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I'm ANGRY
 I woke up ANGRY!  And I'm getting ANGRIER by the minute!!!  It started last night. My wife likes to watch TV & she always wants me to watch with her. There's not much on TV I like to watch but sometimes I watch with her just because I know she wants me to. So, last night I sat for close to 4 hours & watched TV with her.   Well, every so often I have these momentary flashes where, suddenly, this sense comes over me of how, over the years, I've allowed my life to veer off track in an effort to please those around me. (And in the process, I just ended up making everybody miserable, including me!) And now it's to the point where my life is basically over & here I sit watching TV! And the only way I could do any differently would be to basically destroy what remains of my wife's life in the process. And, at this point, I don't even know what I'd do differently even if I could!!! Argh-gh-gh-gh-gh-gh...  Anyway, I had one of these flashes last night.So then, this morning, I woke up P.O.'d!  I just wanna kill something! I hate my history, I hate my present & I hate myself!!!  I hate being crazy  , I hate being transgendered, I hate being old, I hate being self-abusive  , I hate being suicidal, I hate not being able to change, I hate not being able to get any help, I hate being alive!!! Argh-gh-gh-gh-gh... ! And what REALLY P.O.'s me is that, as long as I don't make trouble, nobody gives a f***!!! If I try to hit my delete button again, people will be all over me to pull me back. But once the dust settles I'll be right back where I started from... again! F***! I just wanna KILL somethin'! Sometimes I just wish I could just say to hell with everybody & everything, I'm going to do what I want for a change & let the chips fall where they may. But I'm just not built that way & besides I don't know what I'd do at this point anyway (oh... I guess I already said that! Argh-gh-gh-gh...) I'm ANGRY!!! I just want to KILL somethin'...! Yada...yada... yada!!! Ah-h-h-h... now I feel better!!! 
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#2
Feb 03, 2014, 01:56 PM
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__________________
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#3
Feb 03, 2014, 02:30 PM
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Quote:
 
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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