[Kellarella]

I have to get this this out.... and I'm sorry if I am winging and sound like a total B***H

I live with my boyfriend in a tiny, and I mean tiny one bedroom unit... I have to describe it, it's essential to the story, hehe!!
ok, as I said.. TINY!!! one bedroom, bathroom/laundry together, tiny lounge and kitchen... really designed for one person, but usually it suits us fine. It i s actually a beautiful, modern unit...

Anyway... my b/f has allowed his brother to live with us for the past month and a half after he and his g/f broke up and he had some troubles...

I have never been so stressed in my life... I suffer GAD anyway.. and was only diagnosed recently after going through a traumatic event... So, I took this semester off university to relax and sort myself out.... I go back in 2 weeks, and so far, have not had a day to myself to relax... I dont know what to do!!!

It just makes me sooooo angry, and I can see myself being a total b***h all the time to everyone... and I am usually a happy, bubbly person.

I have tried many many many times to talk to my b/f about this, and he is just as stressed as me, and doesn't know what to do... but I still am sooo angry at him for being sooo ignorent.

Along with this, there are many other problems going on, such as money - trying to support his brother as well, as he is jobless.... and also me having to sit here for 8 hours a day with him while my b/f goes to work....

I am almost at the point of saying "it's him or me" .. and if I go, I am not coming back.....

What am I going to do??? I know there are all the options like go stay with family etc but I dont want to leave my own home...

[JustBen]

It sounds like you're really crawling the walls of that apartment. Does it seem like your boyfriend's brother is taking advantage of you two, or is he having real problems that he can't deal with on his own? What happens to him if your boyfriend kicks him out?

[(JD)]

Why not take a break? You are thinking in black and white... and while yes, I agree he does need to make a decision...so do you... and neither one has to be final, forever. Do what you need to for yourself right now.

Do you know the term don't burn your bridges behind you? I would advise that... leave on as good a note as you can, leave the door open to return, or at least set up a different situation in the future.. and find yourself some space and breathing time! TC!

[Maven]

I think you should tell your boyfriend that the situation isn't fair to either of you, and he should tell his brother that he has a week or two (be specific) to find a job. There is no reason, barring disability, that he should be sponging off of you. I take it he isn't paying rent, since you said your boyfriend is supporting him?

Your boyfriend isn't responsible for his brother. You're all adults, right? If he tells his brother to find a job and a place within a certain amount of time, and his brother fails to do so, he should kick him out. I know it might seem cruel, but you can't let his brother keep manipulating you. Some people need a heavy dose of reality before they start taking responsibility for themselves. And such people will keep taking advantage of others as long as they're allowed.

[JustBen]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Maven said:There is no reason, barring disability, that he should be sponging off of you.

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Yeah, that's what I'd really like to know about. Whether or not this brother can make it on his own makes a big difference in this situation. If he can and he's just taking advantage, then I could see why you'd want to confront your boyfriend about it. If he's really not, though, then you're giving your boyfriend an ultimatum that amounts to "lose my girlfriend or put my brother on the streets".

I'm just curious, are you paying any rent on this place?

[Kellarella]

Thanks for all your replies...

To answer your questions.. we pay $165 a week. His brother has many friends he can stay with, however, in the past he has been involved in drugs, and those friends he has, are all involved. He is trying to get off the drugs, so doesn't want to tempt himself if that makes sense...

Last night, I completely lost it, I knew it was coming... I could feel it... had a really bad day.. and it all came out!! My boyfriend went to where his brother was visiting friends, and asked him to find somewhere else to live, as it is causing too much stress, and out house is just too small... He was fine with it and is organising to stay with their dad... that is all really good... I feel so guilty... but I think I have done the right thing. However, I don't think this is the end.. and the way my boyfriend explained the situation to him, I think it was more like.... you have to look for somewhere else soon.... and to me, that's kind of like, you can stay for a while longer... will see what happens anyway....

Thanks again everyone for your replies

[Rhapsody]

YES..... the right thing was done if you were being stressed over it..... just maybe not done correctly.

People cannot help YOU if they do not know the problem..... so why your anger may have grown with each passing day you gave thought to it, others were clueless to how you were feeling.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugss ))))

[Maven]

You didn't do anything wrong. Maybe there were better ways of doing it, but the stress you were under--which wasn't your fault, except for perhaps the stress of holding in your feelings--was bound to explode if the problem hadn't resolved itself, which it hadn't.

I'm glad things appear to be getting better. I was in a similar situation many years ago, although I lived in a house, so there was more room. I had a lot of problems. I hope your boyfriend's brother moves out soon, and I also hope he gets off/stays off the drugs.

[JustBen]

I hope he's able to move in with his Dad soon. That seems like a good solution.