Its just too big...

Hi all,
This site has been an awesome support. I really appreciate all of you, and your advice and comforting thoughts. I've shared a lot of stuff on here. Although, there is one thing I havent told you guys yet, and I think it has a lot to do with my increased anxiety and depression. However, I run a big risk in telling. If I don't tell, how can I properly explain to you what it is I am feeling, or what has caused a particular episode? I'm sick of hiding. So, here goes...I'm a lesbian. I've only been out a little over a year. Although, my experience has been mostly positive, I find that I have been more anxious lately than in the past. I'm not ashamed of who I am. I'm just very angry, and sometimes terrified. The world is a scary place, even if you're not different in some way. It's hard to explain. I'm not looking for advice. I just want you to be able to understand me a little more.I dont even know if I should post this. I cant hide anymore. Its just too big...

You're not alone, Desdemona, and I applaud you for being open about who you are. Out = good. Let me know if anyone here gives you a hard time about this (but I anticipate that they won't, because most people here are supportive) and I'll smack 'em around for you. Seriously.

Thanks very much, LMo. That means a lot to me.

if agnes (LMo) can't do it, i, ethel, will.

i'm glad that you came "out"....it's a good thing. people here are very supportive, as i think you know, and will not judge you........

i'm very glad that you've come here. you add a lot to the forums.....xoxoxo pat

i'm so glad you have revealed this part of yourself to us......it took great strength......i'm sure that you will find only support....

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS ))))))))

YOU are ACCEPTED as is.... nothing else is needed - just a little bit of trust and honesty and it goes a long way.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

(((((LMo))))))
(((((Fayerody))))))
(((((Butterflylady)))))
((((Rhapsody)))))

Thanks so much for your support. I was pretty certain that I would get positive replies, and I did! I'm really glad I shared this, because I think its a source of anxiety for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of who I am, its just all that negativity out there, and the gaybashing. It just makes me so angry. Plus, I'm an anxious, worrying person to start with, so all that homophobia thats crawling around out there doesnt help one bit. I get angry, then I'm terrified. Being gay itself isnt the problem, its the anxiety and paranoia thats coming with it...at least for me anyway. I havent really talked to any gay/lesbian people about this. Mostly, I'm afraid they'll just brush it off, like, "yeah, but i get over it"...I cant get over it. I obsess, I get anxious and I worry. I dont just worry about me. I worry about everyone else out there who struggles with their sexuality. I know, thats so much to take on, but I cant help it, I'm so sensitive. I want to be a part of that community so bad, but all it seems to do is get me all worked up. It stinks. But I have my family around, thank God! Plus I have an awesome T who is helping me with these issues. And, of course, I have you guys!

Thanks, again.
--Desiree

if you like, I can send a PM to the gay/lesbian members that I am aware of here, and ask them if they would be willing to talk with you. I don't want to give their names without their permission, as you can understand

(((((((Dezdemona))))))) Thank you for sharing! I'm sure it took a lot of courage! There should be no reason for you to worry about letting people know. I don't think that anyone here will have anytihng bad to say about it, this is a great support community from what I have seen. As for telling people, if they have a problem with it, they are the ones that are losing out on a great friendship with you!

Take Care,
Angel

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
LMo said:
if you like, I can send a PM to the gay/lesbian members that I am aware of here, and ask them if they would be willing to talk with you. I don't want to give their names without their permission, as you can understand

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Thanks, LMo. I guess it wouldnt hurt to get in contact with other gay/lesbian members. So, sure. If its not too much trouble...

Thanks!

Hey, Des, sorry I didn't post sooner. I haven't had time to go through all the forums here lately. I just want to let you know, it doesn't matter to me. As long as you're happy, and I'm glad you told us, because it's a hard secret to keep. From what I've seen, people here are pretty accepting of homosexuals, and I hope you find the same.

Good for you! I admire and respect people with courage, and that's what you did by sharing here.
I'm sorry for the anxiety you're experiencing.....perhaps there are some meds that will assist you during this time of anxiety?

(((((Dezdemona)))))

Thanks soooo much everyone!

I'm really glad that I have so much support here, and also that I no longer have to hide anything.

(((((Dezdemona)))))

I've just recently come out as a lesbian. It hasn't been easy at all. I still have yet to tell some of my family but all my friends know. If you need anyone to talk about this with, I'm all ears!

It's never easy to come out and often brings a lot of fear, especially with the way people view homosexuals or even bisexuals. The best relationship (and most rewarding one) I've ever been in was a lesbian relationship and loved every minute of it...unfortunately she was an alcoholic. In time I hope to find someone who is really compatible with me...and I hope the same for you.

Hang in there.

Way to go....Dezdemona...I am rooting for you...I am new here and haven't really talked about my problem yet...I will...but I just want you to know...that I personally know some really wonderful people who are lesbians...and some really rotten straight people...lol...we are all one and the same in God's eyes...so be happy!!

Dez,
I'm happy you came out too,life is too short to have to live a lie just to make society,family and friends happy.
I have come to not care what one's sexual orientation,race or religion is.
You need to be happy for you,you need to be who you are.
If you come in contact with homophobics,then ditch them,if they are willing to learn,respect and accept you then those are the people worth being friends with.
I have several relatives that are gay,I love them,I do not care if they are gay or not.
Okay,enough of my ramblings,you get what I mean,right?
Welcome to PC,you will find a lot of fun and supportive people here.

Hey there,
Pm me and let me know how you have been doing.
Coming out is a huge step.
I came out to my parents at the age of 33. I was out to almost everyone else prior to that.
I wished I hadn't waited so long in general because I missed a lot of time "just being me".
I am here for you if you want to PM me and chat.
Susan

Dez,

Sorry I am replying to this thread now.

I just wanted to say that it take tremendous courage to do what you have done. I commend you for that.

My B-friend is a gay man. With in the last year he has comeout to his parents which was the hardest thing for him to do. I beleive that the support of his friends made it easier for him.

It seems as thought that just when we think we are at a point of acceptance, something happens to make you feel like your back a square one.

I guess I just wanted to say that I am proud of your courage and your strenght. Dont ever be ashamed of who you are. Remember, it is you living your life. Close out the negatives and surround yourself with the love and understanding you deserve. We are all here for you.

huggles,

Jen

Way to go dezdemona!!.......((((((hugs))))) Stay true to yourself and the rest will follow.

Thanks everyone!