Is THIS a panic attack?

So in therapy I sometimes talk about how I "freak out." My T asked me today what exactly this means and what happens during these episodes. She alluded to them as "panic."

I always thought that for whatever's happening to be called a panic attack, you have to actually feel like you're dying at that moment. But I think I'm wrong.

Here's what happened: I literally fell onto the ground sobbing uncontrollably, and then got up and fell onto my bed, sobbing. Yes, I felt super anxious, and I even got dizzy. I literally could not move or talk once I got into bed and texted my boyfriend that I needed him (he did come over to comfort me).

I finally came clean today (with my T) about the thoughts I've been having about dying and what I did about it, which got really bad during this episode. I didn't feel like I could escape the situation and the thoughts were pretty scary. I had opened the drawer next to me and if something sharp had been present, I may have grabbed it; I really don't know.

I used my fingernails to dig into my wrists instead. I was hoping it would help me to feel "here" and "grounded" or at least distracted from my distress from the thoughts that came on when I started "freaking out." The mark stayed for two full days :/. It was the third or fourth time I did anything like this.

So, does THIS count as a panic attack? If so, I've been having them for years and never knew what to call them. Or, is this considered an "anxiety attack"? Is there a difference? Thanks for reading.

Hi CW,
It sounds like it could be a aniety/panic attack, although I'm not a doctor.
For me, I define anxiety as a nervous, jumpy type of feeling. Panic is when my body starts to react and I totally lose control of my thoughts. At times it feels like I'm going insane and I'm going to die.
I've been suffering from panic attacks for a very long time. I've never cut myself, but have thoughts about doing it.
I think in your case there may be many things going on.

I 'think' panic attacks are different for everyone and might possibly come at varying 'levels as well.

Mine often feel like I am losing control. Hard to breath, left arm feels numb, chest hurts, my hands become fairly useless, blood feels like it is burning inside my body. I even feel like I am floating and turning upside down. I can't control my thoughts and feel like I am going crazy. The things that get me the worst are the physical symptoms like my left arm going numb and things like that making me feel like I am having heart attack.

Now I have had SOOO many of these that I know what they are now so I try not to panic even more because I am having a panic attack. I used to panic because of the panic attack making more panic on top of panic...

Now I just wait it out knowing that it WILL end and that I will not die. I 'try' to breathe normally but I can never figure out what normally is, so I fail at that one a bit.

I don't know if this is helping at all...

C and Oliver (my Service Dog who helps me with my panic attacks by laying his face on mine and helps me calm down)

I'll type a longer response later, for now:

I have never had the experience that I was going to die during or from a panic attack, but the fear of death is present and intensely so. I'm afraid of the uncertainty of deat occurring at anytime, but not at the time of the attack. I become panicky over the idea that there is something wrong with my body indicating a life threatening illness (such as, rash = maybe lethal? = panic), and often the panic symptoms will play into the symptoms I fear are from something else. Never, ever, have I thought that I was having a heart attack.

So I don't have any "I'm dying right now" thoughts as much as it "Oh my god I'm afraid of dying."

Hi CWC3,

I'm sorry you've been experiencing these "freak out" moments. They sound really traumatic for you.

Your Pdoc (if you have one) or T should be able to tell you whether or not you're having a panic attack.

When I have one, my heart races and feels like it's thumping in my chest, my whole body shakes violently, my breathing becomes loud and laboured (which leads to hyperventilating which leads to tingling in my hands) and my arms and legs feel very weak. I've never thought that I was dying or having a heart attack, which from what I've read, a lot of people do when they're experiencing a panic attack, but in answer to your question, no, you don't have to think this in order to be having a panic attack.

Whenever I have one, there is often an emotional trigger. For example, one of the biggest attacks I've experienced was in a cinema. I was watching a movie which was pretty sad and I could hear people crying. I wanted to cry too, but I fought the feeling. The more I fought it, the more my heart started to race and then the other symptoms followed. Thank goodness it happened at the end of the movie! I was with a friend who handled the situation really well, but I could hear a couple of people saying "Get an Ambulance!" It happened that the lady in front of me was a nurse and knew that I didn't need an Ambulance. She stayed with me for a while and helped me to control my breathing, which then helped to control the rest of the symptoms. It took about an hour (she didn't stay that long) for the attack to finally stop. I was physically exhausted and had to leave my car overnight.

If you look up panic attack symptoms on the internet, there are quite a few sites which will give you the symptoms of panic attacks. You usually have to experience 4 of the symptoms given for it to be classed as a panic attack, but like I said, your Pdoc or T are the best people to ask and discuss it with.

I hope this has been helpful for you.

Bluey