[Got Java]

Hi all,

Having a really hard day and time with coping around people at work and out and about. I feel as though I want to socialize with co workers and old friends, but I get too fustrated and scarred to even strike up a conversation.My past friendship have been ruined by my stupid actions and my mental behavior.I cant even come to grips on how how I feel inside the saddness and confusion I have caused people I was supposed to be there for in my life for support.

I feel as though I dont deserve to interact with people I once enjoyed there company because I feel as though I will hurt them all with my actions and my emotions.Its hard enough to even be around people with this feeling of anxiety,confusion, and saddness.I fustrastes me I can just sit down and just vent to a good friend or even a good co worker my emotions I am facing today.

Its like all my feeling are bottled up and its getting me very angry and sad to deal with it all by myself.Its a real struggle now to let go and release this energy.

I did at one time had a support system to make it thru these times, but I hurt them too much that I dont ever think I can ever get that kind of help I used to have.It saddens me everytime I think of it and I go into shut down mode. I a constant battle keeping my emotions inside and not realising them all over the place.

I dont know if I will blow up and unleash anger or saddness, depends on whats going on at that given moment I guess.

[Travelinglady]

I can understand why you would worry about having problems with people since you've had some before. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, then I suggest you do. He/she will give you someone to talk to right now and also help you to get over your anxiety.

[CharactorAssassin]

To me it sounds like trauma.
I was reading a book about healing trauma and it made me aware of past traumas I had forgotten. We can be unaware of unresolved trauma. The book explains how unresolved trauma manifests into everyday anxiety.

[CharactorAssassin]

Originally Posted by CharactorAssassin

To me it sounds like trauma.
I was reading a book about healing trauma and it made me aware of past traumas I had forgotten. We can be unaware of unresolved trauma. The book explains how unresolved trauma manifests into everyday anxiety.

Animals deal with trauma by playing dead or shaking it off. For us humans its not so easy to deal with trauma.
It might of been more hurtful to you, what you think you might have done to others.
But shutting down sounds like it is one way you are choosing to deal with. As if you are playing dead.