One thing after the other.

I don't even know what to say, or do.
This much I do know, I can't stop crying, my anxiety is just about killing me and the only thing I am able to do to release it somehow is to cry. I haven't self harmed in 8 months so I've only seen my self harm support worker once in a year. I only see my useless psychiatrist once every six months if I'm lucky and I don't receive any more therapy from psychotherapy until January next year. Basically I have no one to talk to outside my family.

This should be the happiest time of my life, I mean I'll have been married four weeks tomorrow yet I am miserable. I'm not miserable with my husband, not even in the slightest bit. He is the most wonderful, caring guy and I love him to the moon and back but I feel I can't always talk to him as he doesn't always understand and well...I'm a stubborn f***er at times.

I've been rambling about a heap of rubbish and haven't yet gotten to the reason I feel this way. It's all about money.
My mum is off sick from work and has been for over a year now as she is waiting for a double knee replacement so she is living on the bare minimum of money. Because she doesn't live in a council house, the government doesn't help her in the slightest with paying her house because she owns it herself. Meaning that me and my auntie are having to pay the majority of her bills yet it's still not enough. Mum is on the verge of losing her house all because I've just got married and have been paying for that but also me and my husband are going over to Nepal for two months. He is from there and hasn't seen his family in over 7 years and we need to go before I start back at university.
Oh and don't even get me started on university. During the course of a few hours when I was doped up on medication, I decided to choose a new course at uni. Not knowing what 'Human Embryology and Developmental Biology' was but thinking it sounded very smart I applied for it.
Then I got freaking ACCEPTED for it. Did I mention that it's at a different university than the one I was currently studying at? To be fair to myself I did pick a university from where I was from, unlike the one I was currently studying at. Anyway, being doped again, I then accepted the place.
Long story short, I entered therapy for 6 months, got myself sorted and deferred my place for a year. I have now read up on said course and think it sounds pretty good but I don't know if it's what I want to do with my life. I don't have a clue what I want to do with my life and I think it's totally unfair that I am meant to decide at the age of 20 what I want to do for the next 40 odd years. But yes, the money situation for that and the career side of it is making me extremely anxious and blah blah blah blah. I am so bored of sitting here typing and wallowing in self pity. At least with tying for an hour, I feel so much better.

Congrats to anyone who reads this because even I can't be bothered to read it.

Yes, life does seem to be one struggle after another. I am glad you are happily married, though. Money is a problem for lots of people, especially these days. I hope things work out okay for your mom.

As far as careers, not many people start a career these days and retire from that same career in forty years, so if you go into something and discover it just isn't for you, it's not like you're stuck with it forever!

Dang, Crystalbeach. No wonder you are feeling stressed out. Thats a heavy load! And dont ya just love how you do those things doped up? I remember back when my doc had me on xanax I signed my kid up for Boy Scouts. Jeeeze that was stupid. Anyway, Im glad that typing mede you feel better. Good luck with your mum & your class

I hate this happened to you and hope you
resolve it.