[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

So I'm back on here...

My anxiety has gotten so much better than it was this time last year. On May 2nd last year I was in the hospital for a drop seizure. August 11th 2011 I was in the hospital for a grand mal seizure and August 4th 2010 I was in the hospital for a car accident I was in.

After the car accident I was alright. I wasn't seriously injured but the accident was bad. For months after the accident I could still feel the impact of the vehicles hitting, the crunch. My anxiety started to kick in but not that bad. Then In February my (at the time, is now my husband) boyfriend and I were out on the water looking for sharks teeth when a pack of 5 dogs came charging at us. I already have a serious fear of strange dogs and these were barking and growling and coming at us. We had to run into the marsh and stand on a log for 30 minutes until we could figure out what to do. Eventually we decided to go into the water since the dogs set up camp blocking us from the shore. So we walked about a mile through the water in the middle of February to escape these dogs. They followed at first then got distracted and left. Anxiety got a bit worse from that and still any time I hear a dog barking when we are out on our explore missions I panic.

But I was OK. That summer I started to lose energy. I started to want to stay inside and at home instead of going on our adventures. But I wasn't in a full blown panic. Then August 2011 rolls around. I made a stupid decision and due to that decision I had a grand mal seizure. I didn't have insurance or money for doctors so I dealt with the anxiety of that on my own. It wasn't until February that I stopped freaking out and getting on edge every time I heard the slightest noise or felt a tiny bit off.

But February came and I learned to distract myself. I started doing better. I started going out again. My boyfriend proposed and all was looking great! Then two weeks after the proposal my abusive brother moved back to town. I had a drop seizure the day he was set to move back.

From there my anxiety hit a completely new level. I was petrified of everything. I wanted to stay curled up in a ball next to my husband and not ever leave my room or have him leave me. I started therapy. I had a 24/7 panic attack for months. But with therapy and positive affirmations the panic attacks sizzled out and I got better. But not completely better. I still obsess over my fears. I still am afraid of everything but I look at things as factual now and not with my emotions. I don't let my fear control my actions any more than I can. I don't have endless panic attacks but the fear is still there. I just try to talk about it in factual terms so I can deal with it without letting it scare me, if that makes sense.

I seem to be doing so much better than I have since I got engaged last year. But one thing that I haven't been able to shake is my lack of energy. I don't feel sad, I don't feel hopeless, I just can't force myself to do anything. I've gained nearly 40 pounds in the last year. I don't over eat, I just don't do anything to work off what I eat. It's a struggle just to check the mail box, to take the dogs outside, to clean the apartment, to go to the store, its all such a huge struggle and I'm sick of it. I lost all my energy with this anxiety, it's like it drained me and I don't know how to get it back.

I just want to do things again. I want to go places like I used to love to do, I want to be able to clean the apartment like I used to and not just pick up in a hurry to get things out of the way. I want to deep clean. But when it comes time to do it... I just can't ever seem to force myself to get up and do it. When I do I get so tired so fast I give up.

I want to feel normal again, I know "there's no such thing as normal" but I want to feel normal for me again, I want to feel like me. I don't know if I ever will. Has anyone else lost their energy because of anxiety? How long before you got it back? I started to lose my energy a year and a half ago and it only gets worse. I try to make myself go exercise and force myself to go do things but when I do I am a wreck of anxiety and ready to go home the minute we get there. One of my favorite things to do was go to the beach before all of this. Now my husband is always trying to get me to go to the beach so we can snap me out of this funk (bless his heart he's such a good guy) and I go sometimes but when I do, as soon as we get to the beach I'm ready to go.

In the last 3 months there have been a couple times where I actually enjoyed myself. Where I actually enjoyed going somewhere but not the majority of the time.

But we went on our honeymoon and came back last week. We went on a cruise to the Bahamas. Somehow for some reason on that cruise I had all kinds of energy. Wanted to go and do things the whole time. No bouts at all of anxiety. But the moment I get home I'm back to my old self. I'd hoped the vacation time would help me get back to normal and it did while I was there, but now I'm back to the same routine. I hate this. I hate not being able to enjoy life!

[Travelinglady]

Hi! I could see how anxiety could be debiliating! Yet, it sounds like it has to do with the housekeeping and things like that. At least you enjoyed your honeymoon!

Have you talked to a health professional about it?

[PurpleFlyingMonkeys]

I have and they keep insisting it's depression and try to put me on anti depressants. But when I take anti depressants they make me depressed. I know how it feels to be depressed, I'm not depressed... I'm just so tired. Being wound up so much from the anxiety makes me tired all the time. My mind is going 100 miles an hour all day every day and it just wears me out

[leejoseph]

I know exactly what you are talking about.Im 37 reaching a slow down age and have the anxiety problems too.This is one of the hardest things in life to deal with.I try to explain it to friends and family and their reply is you think about it too much.And because of the way my mind works I do think about it too much but that is my problem that I cant fix.I get so tired through the day from just stress and anxiety.I have to take several power naps a day.I cant even hold a steady job no more.So I completely understand.Awful feeling !!!

[polar_bear1]

I´m the same... Always tired, Anxiety all day is exhausting, mind racing but body in a coma like state. No energy to do anything and if I feel up for cleaning and stuff I get supertired the next day. Tank empty.
Take care