can't handle it!!!!

I dont know how I just go from having a decent day at work and being pretty productive at work and even somewhat social with my co workers in the morning and by mid day and into the end of the shift I am freaking out inside and wanting to just drop whatever I am doing and just run out the door.

I dont like this rollercoaster of emotions thats becoming a daily issue at work every ****ing day. I could start out horrable emotionally then end up being ok by the rest of the shift or the total opposite.I get emotionally triggered by people,weather,or just a reaction I am experiencing within myself that will alter my whole state of mind.

I try to take lots of breaks to avoid a global meltdown and try to avoid and confrontation that could cause any more stress or emotional instability I might be having at this moment.I swear the meds can only do so much and I dont like to bother people at work with my issues because I dont want to hurt them or get them freaked out by how my mood is constantly going up and down.Its like playing russian roulette and you never know what you might end up with at the end.

I like to have someone to just talk about how i feel from time to time like i did in the past,but I dont want to have to depend or be suck a nussance to anyone with the issues I deal with all of the time.People I think would get sick and tired of hearing my crap and try to avoid me all togther and I cant blame them.**** I get tired of dealing with my own **** all of the time so I cansee how it can get old real fast.

I blog because it is my escape to get the **** out and a little off of my chest when I need to vent.I still wish to have some human contact or just a person to tell me its going to be ok and I know how you feel because believe me I been there.

I miss that the most when I had a support friend I could go to with my ups and downs with my emotional problems.I have difficulty keeping it all in and not being able to have a shoulder to cry on now and then.

If only my spouce would walk one week in my shoes with whats going on in my head she would realize how much stuff I am taking in and not really correctly processing positively the issues I currently have been dealing with recently that has been suppressed for so long.

I cant help to drink my problems and deal with the issues by numbing it away at times.It works but It doesnt go away I am tormented inside with not being able to deal with the problems in my head and I dont know why and how I can manage to fuction somedays.

The only regreat I have right now Is now coming to grips with all of my mental issues I am currently experiencing now that I have ignored for decades.It has opened my eyes to how I was thru my childhood and even thru my teens.Now having this come around full circle has been such a horrable pain i must deal with and a rude awaking to the lies I been telling myself for too long.

Please I just it gets fixed before I fix myself!!!!In the end one is going to win I just dont know who???

I suggest you see a professional about these problems. At least they are paid to listen and they can say the things and offer treatments that can be helpful.