[a bland]

Growing up my mother would never allow the family to be anything but happy. It didn't matter if we were sad mad or hurt. We always had to look like the perfect southern family. And over the years its stuck with me. My therapist keeps telling me I'm allowed to have other emotions but when I do show those other emotions I feel like I'm being disrespectful and end up apologizing. And I am getting better at it but I've notice the one person I never show my real emotions to is my husband. I always tell him everything's alright and put a smile on my face when he's around. I want to be honest with him but I'm scared. What is wrong with me? He's the number one person I should trust but I guess I just want him to be happy whether I am or not. Does anybody else do this?

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by a bland

I want to be honest with him but I'm scared. What is wrong with me? He's the number one person I should trust but I guess I just want him to be happy whether I am or not.

Nothing wrong with you. You're just too well-trained.

[jk2833]

Hi there yes I so the exact same, put the pretend smile on and say everything's fine.
I just can't describe how I'm feeling most of the time
Take care
J

[ajonesiii]

I put on the fake Happy face all the time also, I feel like I don't want to scare the people who care about me so they always get the happy face and " everythings going fine" I really don't have anyone that I share with when Im having a bad day I just work on talking myself out of it if meditation doesn't help. and I come here!

[healingme4me]

This is something I've been personally working through for the past couple of years, maybe one or two more.

For the original poster, opening up to your husband, and not putting on that happy face((not to swing the pendulum too far the other way, if that makes sense)), can help strengthen that bond between you, as you allow yourself to be vulnerable to him.

In regards to what I am learning, is that how can I strengthen and develop friendships, etc, if I am unwilling to share the not so good, along with the good moments? Must have been back in '09 when I joined fb, and found some old hs friends/classmates. Well, er, um, a couple of these people were less than enthusiastic to reacquaint with me. And one word that came to the forefront was 'fake.' I was in therapy, at the time, anyways.
Fake? My half sister who is 16 years younger than me, and we are far from close and connected called me 'fake', too.
What makes a person 'fake', I really had to wonder. It's not as if, I am not an honest person. And it's not that.

Someone new, started working at my last job site. And it was like a light bulb went off in my head over what does 'fake' mean? Smiling and everything is alright, actually was rubbing people wrong this whole entire time, in my life.
What is that catch-phrase for when MTV put out 'The Real World'? 'When people stop being nice, and start getting real.'
By this point, on the job, thanks to working with the individuals that I work with, finding myself having experienced some major life changing events on top of this job. I 'get' it!
If all I do is smile, and say it's OK. How can anyone know what I really need, want am feeling, etc? It's a fast pace I work at, and most times, niceties need to fly out the window, but in a respectful manner. Which means, got to get into the figurative 'trenches' with these people that I work with and in doing so, a bond forms. And I've learned and grown with the people I have worked with, and those that I work with now.
No time, to stuff emotions, but also no time to have cat fights either, so to speak.
In many ways, my place of employment, over the past three years, has had a tremendous therapeutic effect, and learning what putting on a fake happy face can do and how taking it off can be beneficial and how to take it off, appropriately, the lesson has been priceless.

Hope you can open up to your husband

I was trained the same...smile, etc..

[Mountainman2013]

Originally Posted by a bland

Growing up my mother would never allow the family to be anything but happy. It didn't matter if we were sad mad or hurt. We always had to look like the perfect southern family. And over the years its stuck with me. My therapist keeps telling me I'm allowed to have other emotions but when I do show those other emotions I feel like I'm being disrespectful and end up apologizing. And I am getting better at it but I've notice the one person I never show my real emotions to is my husband. I always tell him everything's alright and put a smile on my face when he's around. I want to be honest with him but I'm scared. What is wrong with me? He's the number one person I should trust but I guess I just want him to be happy whether I am or not. Does anybody else do this?

I don't even try to put on a good face. I just can't be unreal with my wife. I want her to be happy and the best I can do is not be down, not be angry. That's hard, too. But there's nothing wrong with you. You just want him to be happy at least.

[ajonesiii]

Well today is another put on a happy face day, it's my birthday and everyone expects a happy person so I will try again to give it to them. Inside I just want to stay home and let the B'day go by without all the attention, low key but we agreed to go to some friends for a little while tonight (thank god its a work night) hopefully if I work hard enough at looking like Im having a good time I actually will, right?