[sadplant]

I hope I don't come off as annoying or whiny. I have absolutely no one to talk to, this website's the only place I feel comfortable talking to others. So, I hope you don't mind we venting my feelings a bit. (If this isn't allowed, feel free to delete this thread - I apologize upfront).

I've just feel having a really awful week. I'm constantly angry for no reason and I keep hurting my parents' and my sister's feelings. I've been feeling guilty all the time for being such a disappointment to my parents. My dad was talking about how his colleague's daughter graduated from University - and I couldn't help but wonder how disappointed and embarrassed he must feel about his own daughter not being able to go to college or work or anything. It was his birthday last week and he wanted to take us out to his favorite restaurant, and I was too terrified to go. I've been getting nightmares every day since Sunday, and I just feel anxious all the time. I feel like I'm choking.

I mean, I was just thinking... what I lived alone? Without my family to help me? I wouldn't be able to do anything. Absolutely nothing. I've not walked in my own house garden for two years. It's right outside my door and I can't do it. Why does merely steeping out of the front door scare me so much? I've never been so afraid of anything in my entire life. I'm so tired of being afraid all the time.

Oh God, I'm so sorry for this post. I realize how terribly immature I sound. I'm sorry...

[Phobicperson]

You don't sound immature, you have a phobia, nothing immature about that.. Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. Take care <3<3

[henrydavidtherobot]

I'm really sorry you are having such a hard week. You are not immature. Your posts are always welcome here.

[iwanttobebetter2013]

Phobicperson is right! You don't sound immature at all. Just keep your head up :-)

[Vossie42]

You're not immature. It sounds like you're having a really tough time with all the emotions and thoughts stirred up by not being able to do things that others take for granted doing. Try to be gentle with yourself and not compare yourself to others. Everyone starts in a different place and walk a different path. My brother is very successful in many ways, not just financially. I, on the other hand, am poor and struggling with a hearing loss and depression. And I have a college degree! This is definitely not how I imagined my life would turn out. I just try to not compare myself to others, remember what's good about my life, and stay focused on moving forward, however small that step may be. Keep on keepin' on!

Now I'm off to practice what a preach.

[Nicks_Nose]

Sadplant, have you thought of registering online for courses? There are many programs now available to be acquired online and you don't have to attend a class full of people. I have a degree from university where some of my courses were acquired online. You don't have to attend physically in a classroom anymore to get an education. Perhaps you could research some of those programs available.