[thunderbear]

I had an episode Wendsday night. It was bad. I dont know what triggered it. But I just got up and threw a full coke can at my husband and hit him in the chest. I was having a severe panic attack. I wasnt aiming for him at all he just happened to be stamding there. Then (this is according to H cuz I dont remember) I started yelling at my stepdad who wasnt there. I was crying and crying. Then I went outside and punched the car window (I vaugely remember that and I remember being very scared and very angry). H went next door to the inlaws and got a panic pill from his mamaw and made me take it. Then I went to sleep. I think I dissociated cuz H says it wasnt me. That I looked and talked different and was violent, which I never am. I havent really eaten since Tuesday due to severe anxiety and panic attacks constantly. H called my pdoc Thursday and told him I needed to be seen and I needed my meds backand that I stopped eating again and dissociating again but pdoc doesnot care. He put me down for August 8th but I need to see him before then. Thankfully my son wasnot at home at the time and I am thankful for that cuz hes never seen me like that. I am going to tell that pdoc if he dont help me I will find one that will. 10 - 2mg valium a month is not helpimg me at all! I dont care if I look like a drug addict by asking for better antianxiety meds and my Celexa back. Im sick and I need medicine! Pdoc has been treating me 3 years with that amount of valium and 7 months of celexa. Then, he just took me off the Celexa. Now here I am. In the same way I was when I started seeimg him, dissociating, isolating myself, panic allday everyday, & acting violently to my panic attacks. Before I started seeing him, I put my hand thru double pane glass and got a bunch of stitches.

[kaliope]

it definitely sounds like you need to find a new pdoc as this one is not listening to you! you need to get in NOW, not wait until the 8th. it is really important to have a pdoc who is on the same page as you, who will listen to your needs and address those needs. it is important to your safety given your history. I not much of a fan of meds, but it certain sounds like you could benefit from more than you are getting. advocate for yourself, your safety depends on it.

[spondiferous]

That sounds really scary. Hopefully by now something has changed for you.