[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I've been working towards getting my own place, lately. I've recently contacted an organisation that helps people like me get independence, as well as providing a lot of support for all sorts of areas you might be struggling with; this will be essential for me.

I'm anxious as heck, though! I've been alone plenty often, managed some bills, can cook, can clean, I buy my own food, etc. I'm about as independent as I can manage to be, given I'm living with my parents, and am mentally "disabled".

Not quite sure on the point of this thread; I just wanted to share, and maybe get some feedback on it.

It's going to be so difficult, with so much anxiety over so many things. I'll be getting supported housing, which means temporary, up to 2 years, so for two whole years I'm going to be panicking a lot, knowing that soon my home will no longer be my home; for me, it's a terrifying thought, but one I'm apparently just going to have to live with.

I wish things were a bit easier! No wonder I've been stuck here for so long.

[Rose76]

There can be some fun aspects to setting up on your own. I think it could be a positive step for you to take.

[lostinbooks]

Exciting and scary at the same time. Good luck!

[Little Lulu]

It sounds like the best of both worlds ... you can try living alone and if you like it, great. If not, you can go back home.

Try to forget what will happen in two years (who knows, maybe government rules will change by then). All you have to do it what is in front of you today, and for me, that is always enough!

Best wishes. Keep us in the loop!

[sassymck]

I can deal with that, so I can deal with you!! Living alone can feel scary, but it sounds like you have some good supports in place. Often anticipating something is much worse than when it happens. Try to take it one day at a time. When you have anxiety, it is important to just get through this moment in time and try not to worry about the next moment. I wish you the best of luck as you embark on a new chapter in your life. I hope everything works out okay and that you will keep us posted on your progress. Take care of yourself.

[growlycat]

Can you meet any of your potential neighbors? When I had my first apt and first roommate, said roommate was a nightmare so having neighbor friends really helped.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Growlycat, I can't yet, because I have none. :P I'm not at that stage, sadly; a while to go yet, but I have a filled-in application form for the organisation that helps people get independence, and so I just need to send that off and wait for an assessment.

Sassymck, only one thing to say to you: Thanks!

Little LuLu, unfortunately, trying to forget won't get me anywhere, but I'll do my best; hopefully the support will help, and I might even find I come to terms with it and even look forward to it, seeing it as a new stage, but at the moment, that feels somewhat crazy.

Yeah, there is that; if I need to, I can come back here as I am welcome here, but it's also not good for my mental health, social life, and my general progression throughout life. Coming back here would do me no good. Me and my dad have a temperamental relationship, and a rough past; it's a very stressful environment, sometimes.

All, thank you so much for all your support, and I will gladly keep you guys informed.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Some progress has been made. I can't remember if I've already said, but I sent off the form to the organisation, which I might as well just use the name of: CFS. I'm expecting a call from them pretty soon, likely to set up a meet. I also got a letter from them, confirming they got the application form, and they said something about a meeting to decide what they can offer me.

I'll let you know if anything new comes up after the phone call; they said they'd call tomorrow if they weren't able to, today. It just so happens that the woman who rang my dad (they couldn't get a hold of me, because I was in bed - struggling with sleep, at the moment but apparently they understand things like that) was very likely the same gung-ho woman who helped my brother move into his 2 year supported housing. The woman was amazing; I met her briefly and got a brilliant impression; I felt like my brah was in good hands, and that proved to be true.

Fingers crossed, I suppose!

EDIT: Just spoke to someone, the person who's gonna come see me (house visit) to assess me and stuff. She'll be coming at 4:30, on the 30th. I'm quite nervous. She seemed nice enough on the phone, but I confess, I would've preferred it was the woman who helped my brah.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Well, I've just seen the woman as per the aforementioned appointment. It didn't go as I hoped, and I learned of a million different complications. I hate that my past has got in the way of even this. I just want to move on and get better, but it's like I'm having every stupid f**king mistake shoved at me at every given opportunity. :\ Anyway, I'll find out next Thursday, whether or not they'll be able to help me or not - now I play the waiting game. It's like, I'm sick of going over the same thing every time I want to do something in life: yes, I have a history of self-harm, yes I used to be suicidal, yes I kept misusing medication a few years back, yes I used to somewhat mistreat alcohol, yes me and my dad have had violent arguments, etc. It doesn't mean I want to f**king go through them all the time! They're in the past!!! Argh. Anyway, I partly get it, but it's just really unfair for me!

[emgreen]

It sounds like the majority of your problems are in the past. It's too bad the caseworker pointed out so many negatives. Also, it seems you're living pretty independently at present, though you're living with your parents. I hope all the obstacles are removed soon & that you are able to get out on your own.

While it was difficult at first, I find a great sense of solitude living alone...But I have friends since I attend AA. The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking, so you'd definitely qualify. Just getting out among other people a few times a week keeps me from isolating so much -- not to mention avoiding abusing alcohol & other substances. I'm not "pushing" AA, but I've found it helpful from several different perspectives. Good luck.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Emgreen, I never said I was an alcoholic? lol Thanks, though! I do go to an OCD support group.

The problems are very much part of my every day life, otherwise I wouldn't be "disabled" and all that jazz, but things like self-harm and history of suicidal tendancies/attempts, they are just that: history. I might occasionally feel desperate, or get an urge or two, but I don't feel I'm at any exceptional risk - maybe I'm just in denial?

Even though for me it's OCD, and you it's AA; we get a similar thing. I made a friend at the support group, we shared numbers, as did me and the support group leader, so that's pretty awesome. I am somewhat of a solitude man, but I try to break that pattern, as it's really unhealthy to be like that all the time, especially if your brain is mushy like mine.

I am quite independent, yeh. I get/cook my own food, pay my own bills: Virgin broadband contract, mobile phone contract, order things I need online, etc. Heck, I even have a savings account which I ruthlessly save into. I like to be as normal a person as I can, even with my limits. It sometimes feels like my dad and step-mother are basically my landlords, the only difference is I don't pay rent, but instead, if ever there are any financial issues (there are often enough!) I jump in and save the day. :P Our washing machine needs a bit replaced, so I ordered that, and my dad's car needed a tow-bar, so I paid for that, etc. I like helping out, and it's even better because they don't expect it of me; they don't actually want me to pay rent, which is odd but nice, so I like to help out where I can. Anywho, yeh, I like to think I'm fairly independent for my situation.

All, The frustrating thing, is that I can't just jump into a council flat because I need to prove to them that I can keep a tenancy, but how can I do that without first getting a place? Well, that's where supported housing comes in, in which I would prove my capabilities. Honestly, though - how hard is it do? The rent is automatically paid out via debit, much like electricity and gas, which leaves food, drink, amenities, and so forth. I don't need a TV license, because I don't use TV. I don't own a car. There's not a great deal else I'd need to pay for. I know what I get, I have savings, I'm capable of.. IDK.. not going to the shops and spending money I don't have! xD It's just frustrating that I have to go through all of this (regardless of the fact that I actually want supported housing :P) just to prove to them I can do it.

The flip side is that what really holds me back from full independence, is my MH problems. I struggle with going out, so when I get my own place, it's going to be a challenge to keep going out to get food and things - I can see a lot of times wherein I starve for a while because of my anxiety or something; this is where it becomes an issue and something that scares me. Another problem, is sorting out certain things, which I just often can't do on my own, but I'm getting better over the years; it's mainly that my anxiety can make normal things an absurd hurdle for me, as with OCD, and occasionally depression, when it gets bad and I just have no getup, no life, no energy, etc. Because of the things I've said in this paragraph, I feel very lucky to have the support of various organisations, friends, and family; without my dad's help, I wouldn't be receiving financial support, I wouldn't even have my bank accounts, nor would I be getting MH help.

[Rose76]

I can see that this is a really big decision. Yes, there is a lot of downside to being on your own. I hope your Dad will still be supportive. This is a chance for you to grow. If it turns out a disaster - like you lose 30 pounds from being too anxious to go out and buy food, then you can chalk it up as an attempt that failed. A failed attempt is not necessarily an attempt that shouldn't have been made.

Lots of young people, including myself, have gone through a series a failed attempts to live on their own. I think that's a normal thing to have happen. At some point, if the attempt fails, you might decide it's not worth it. But you really have to try to know.

I was driven to keep trying, and, eventually, I succeeded. What I learned couldn't have been learned any other way.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I've not updated in a while, but, to be fair, I've not had a great deal to update you all on. The only thing new, regarding housing, is - actually, it's pretty awesome - they have decided they will take me on-board, and are going to go the council route, wherein they will try to continue off where me and my dad got to, some years back - mainly my dad, really, as I wasn't really fit to do anything like that, solo.

Apparently I'll be assigned a case worker, soon, and I assume they'll do what they gotta do, then I'll hear from them and BOOM, there'll be a place for me; I doubt it'll go that smoothly, but that's more or less how it went for my brother, but then he had a different situation.

Oh, and apparently they're going the route of - and this sort-of irks me - risk. I assume they're gonna say "This young man is at risk due to the affect his current living environment has on his mental health." - or something along those lines.

Sound OK to you?

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Seeing my case worker today, in about 50 minutes. It'll just be me, so I'm a bit nervous... sometimes I have my dad there because I get anxious and struggle to talk or to absorb proper information. Hopefully I'll be fine. She seems like a nice enough woman.

I'll keep you informed, if anyone cares? xD

UPDATE:

She seemed cool... bit tactless when she brought up self-harm. I can't help that it's part of my past. She employed some tact with suicide stuff and other things, so that's something. I guess I'm fine with it, it's just a bit of a stab, that's all. Anyway, it went OK, I suppose. There's something called PIP, which will apparently screw up my DLA, so I won't get DLA, anymore. I'll still get ESA, and I get plenty of that, I think, so that's something. My risk was low, which was nice to have her say, but I'm a bit paranoid that I just answered incorrectly to get her to that point. She's going to do something or other with forms, probably for the council, and... well, I'm not sure, really - the information is dribbling out of my brain, as I type. Private renting is still an option, as in, something I might have to consider, if this doesn't pan out, and that poses problems that I don't really want to think about, mainly lack of amenities, and the anxiety that brings about, also the people I'd be living with, and being stuck in the same damn room yet again; hopefully it won't come to that.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I've seen my case worker a few more times, and the ball is rolling quite a bit, now. I've got my form that me and her did, that she has probably now given to the person who deals with supported housing around my area.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Progress, at long last. Soon I'll be seeing the people who manage supported housing here, for an interview, to ascertain my needs and see if they'll accept me, I guess. My case worker is going with me and stuff, which is AWESOME.