[Lazermage]

I have been having anxiety and stress trouble for a while now, and I decided to post it on this site, I’m a 16 year old male with a normal home situation, a healthy diet and (enough) exercise (I usually go to the nearby forest and do stuff there).
As I’ve said before I have anxiety and stress problems, I have been shy for my entire life, I barely talk to people because I’m scared to be ridiculed (I also blush, stutter, sweat, etc.) (Do know that I have translated/looked up the names of my fears), I’m very anxient and stressed when I’m in social situations or in class and I also panic when I’m asked a question or have to write on the board (etc.), I feel sad oftenly. I have Atychiphobia(self-diagnosed), suffer from a very low morale, I’m also easily demotivated, have a very low self esteem and don’t dare to look people in the eyes. I used to be bullied in school because I was “different” and “weird”. I have a low self esteem and I’m inept in social situations, I never have anything to say. I barely have any hobbies and only 1 friend that I first met when I was 8 years old, before that I had no friends whatsoever, I have attempted suicide twice (and I have failed in that), Now I see that it’s pointless to attempt that kind of things. I have trouble cooperating in groups (I usually sit quiet in a corner and do nothing until told to) The only person that knows of my troubles is my best and only friend, My parents do not know about this because they might judge me. I have also never consulter a psychologist because in that case I would most likely have to tell my parents first. I also feel uncomfortable while I’m around other people and tend to look behind me oftenly because someone might be behind me. I’m also scared of the dark because I always see/hear stuff when it’s dark. I love going outside where there is no one, then I can think clearly and be calm. I also use my imagination oftenly when I have to be in a social situation.
I would really appreciate some help/tips or someone that knows a bunch about disorders that can tell me what this is.

I excuse myself for any spelling mistakes or illogical sentences. I thank you for reading this and eventually answering. (In case you want to know, I have been hesitating to put this online)

[HealingNSuffering]

First of all, welcome to PC! I hope you find the support you need during this very hard time in your life. I can certainly sympathize with your situation, I've been there myself. When I first started therapy I couldn't look my T in the eyes, it took awhile for me to gain trust with her for me to open up and look her in the eyes. We cannot diagnose you through the internet, the first step to any recovery program is going to be admitting you have a problem, which you have already done. The second step in your case will be to go see a psychiatrist for an accurate diagnosis and some form of psychotropic medication and get yourself involved in therapy, either one on one or group therapy. I think you will benefit from it greatly, I used to be scared of the dark when I was younger as well. I also had things that would seem to go "bump in the night" this was my mind playing tricks on me, there is nothing that is actually there and they cannot hurt you.

I always look over my shoulder as well, I think its because we both share a traumatic history of being picked on by our peers. If you get on the right medications for your condition (whatever it is) you won't be as paranoid and you can finally relax. That is good you are taking good steps towards your diet and doing exercise, going in the forest is also therapeutic. You could also try some guided imagery videos on YouTube, I found them to be very helpful for my own stressful life. I hope you can break down the wall and get the help you need. Don't worry about what your parents think of you, they are the ones who created you. The only person who matters in this case is you and getting help for these problems.

Try to be easy on yourself, you might benefit from reading over this list of cognitive distortions a few times. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...ve-distortions it helped me. Take care Lazermage