[neutrino]

I'm angry and sad right now. Angry at myself for being such a pathetic excuse for a human being.

At this community/forum/website I listed social phobia/social anxiety disorder as my primary concern. My social anxiety is completely ruining my life and I hate it! It started when I was 5 years old or something and it has just gotten worse and worse over the years (I guess being bullied in school for four years didn't help either).

I started university yesterday. I had taken some classes at university before but yesterday I started "for real", to get my bachelor's degree (where I come from it's not unusual to wait a few years after you've finished high school). It's pretty much my dream education at my dream university and can't imagine there being something else this perfect for me. However, my social anxiety is ruining everything! I'm completely terrified of the fact that I will have to give presentations etc. I honestly get so anxious that I sometimes go "mute" and can't speak (not only when giving presentations but when having to participate in group discussions, meeting new people and things like that as well). That's not the only problem though. I can't participate in the planned social activities where people in my class are supposed to bond, have fun together and get to know each other (pretty much every night for the coming two weeks). I just can't.

Facebook groups have been created for the people who were at yesterday's social activity (they were divided into teams so a few groups have been stared) and when I saw it I got really sad. I honestly hate myself for not being able to enjoy the company of my new classmates and enjoy the fact that I am finally studying what I've wanted to study for years.

I'm so scared that I'll be rejected and all alone. I'm scared that I'll have to drop out because I can't give presentations. I'm scared that people think I'm weird. I'm scared of people looking at me. I'm scared of meeting all those people. I'm scared of pretty much everything that has to do with the social aspect of studying. Apart from my OCD which I reckon is mild I think all my disorders are pretty moderate/severe but the social anxiety is probably the worst. I can't even leave my room without thinking that people are looking at me (sometimes laughing at me) and judging me.

I can't even adequately describe the situation and how I feel. I hate myself for it though. I'm so disappointed in myself and sometimes I feel like I don't even deserve to live. I don't know what to do. How are you supposed to be able to study when being so afraid of people. Any thoughts? Any advice? Anything? I appreciate all the help I can get.

neutrino

[LadyShadow]

First of all breathe........just calm down for a bit.

I think the best way to approach this, is to just to see if you can get in on some of the fun with all the other classmates. I know its hard for you because you are afraid, but you love what you are studying and you are enjoying what you are doing right?

I would go about it at a whole different angle. If I were you I would focus on the smaller groups that were made. Focus on the smaller facebook groups if you can so you don't feel so left out.

I have never been shy in college, even when I was older and went back after years of working. The only way I overcame my fear of getting in front of groups and putting on a presentation and meeting new people is I just told myself that they can't hurt me, they are new at this too and probably just as scared as I am.

I don't know if that was any help to you, but just relax and be kind to yourself. You are someplace you want to be and should enjoy your years at the university. If you ever want to talk I'm here

I always keep in mind, most people dont really care about what you do/say/wear. Honestly, I meet so many people in my job but I bet not a single one of them goes home and thinks "wow she was a loser". People just dont care enough to be thinking of you that much.

Do you have a T? I found CBT super helpful for social anxiety. I would get stuck in negative thought patterns and make myself symptomatic. Challenging and changing those thoughts is really helpful in combating this kind of anxiety. I wish I had known that when I started uni.

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

First of all breathe........just calm down for a bit.

I think the best way to approach this, is to just to see if you can get in on some of the fun with all the other classmates. I know its hard for you because you are afraid, but you love what you are studying and you are enjoying what you are doing right?

I would go about it at a whole different angle. If I were you I would focus on the smaller groups that were made. Focus on the smaller facebook groups if you can so you don't feel so left out.

I have never been shy in college, even when I was older and went back after years of working. The only way I overcame my fear of getting in front of groups and putting on a presentation and meeting new people is I just told myself that they can't hurt me, they are new at this too and probably just as scared as I am.

I don't know if that was any help to you, but just relax and be kind to yourself. You are someplace you want to be and should enjoy your years at the university. If you ever want to talk I'm here

I find what I'm studying incredibly interesting and there's nothing else I want to do! I just don't know if I can do it.

I can't join the Facebook groups because I didn't attend the social activity yesterday. I'm not attending the one tonight either. The activities basically consist of drinking, games, competitions between the teams and things like that. I don't like any of those things and I can't be in situations where I'm in the centre of attention and people will look at me.

I know everyone in my class are new and most of them are probably really nervous. However, I doubt all of them are as scared as I am (I'm sure they're not because not all people have moderate/severe social anxiety disorder). I just got home from university and today was a really crappy day. There was a lot of information from older students etc. They talked a lot about social activities throughout the year (dinners, parties etc) and people in my class were really excited. I just sat there and thought "hell no. No no no no no no. I think I'll die now."

Sorry, I didn't mean to be all pessimistic (and now I feel bad about that) but that's how I feel right now.

Originally Posted by Supanova

I always keep in mind, most people dont really care about what you do/say/wear. Honestly, I meet so many people in my job but I bet not a single one of them goes home and thinks "wow she was a loser". People just dont care enough to be thinking of you that much.

Do you have a T? I found CBT super helpful for social anxiety. I would get stuck in negative thought patterns and make myself symptomatic. Challenging and changing those thoughts is really helpful in combating this kind of anxiety. I wish I had known that when I started uni.

I do have a therapist, yes. I started seeing him 8 sessions ago. We haven't really made any progress. I've heard a lot of good things about CBT but I'm not sure it'll work for me. I guess I'll have to give it time.

[Max]

Maybe focus on what you CAN do?

I totally am lost in social situations as well. I don't drink and find games ridiculous, however maybe looking at just getting to know ONE person out of the entire group? Maybe showing an interest in finding a study partner? instead of being a social butterfly?

Everyone in your field of study is there because you all share an interest in the material. The great part of college is you could go to your classes in PJ's and most people wouldn't notice.

In the work & team building exercises I loathe so much at work (social activities) I focused on taking notes and the presented material. Eventually I found my niche as the one in my department who freed up time for the social butterflies to enjoy themselves, while I took notes for everyone in my department and enjoyed doing it! Go figure.

Go with your strengths!!!

[Slasher2013]

Originally Posted by neutrino

I find what I'm studying incredibly interesting and there's nothing else I want to do! I just don't know if I can do it.

I can't join the Facebook groups because I didn't attend the social activity yesterday. I'm not attending the one tonight either. The activities basically consist of drinking, games, competitions between the teams and things like that. I don't like any of those things and I can't be in situations where I'm in the centre of attention and people will look at me.

I know everyone in my class are new and most of them are probably really nervous. However, I doubt all of them are as scared as I am (I'm sure they're not because not all people have moderate/severe social anxiety disorder). I just got home from university and today was a really crappy day. There was a lot of information from older students etc. They talked a lot about social activities throughout the year (dinners, parties etc) and people in my class were really excited. I just sat there and thought "hell no. No no no no no no. I think I'll die now."

Sorry, I didn't mean to be all pessimistic (and now I feel bad about that) but that's how I feel right now.


I do have a therapist, yes. I started seeing him 8 sessions ago. We haven't really made any progress. I've heard a lot of good things about CBT but I'm not sure it'll work for me. I guess I'll have to give it time.

So cbt isnt working for you, are you sure you feel comfortable with the therapist? and are you sticking to it religiously? Every thought related to social anxiety should be written down, how you feel about it, rate the intensity of the feeling from the thought and the alternative. I suppose its different for everyone, it really worked for me, I threw myself into it completely and left nothing to hide as I was comfortable with my therapist (to an extent). I told her everything! Even the most embarrassing/stupid thoughts and feelings, I even wrote down that I thought she didn't believe what I was saying throughout the therapy and she told me that it's the best thing you can do to be completely honest and she re-assured me that she didn't feel that way at all. CBT changed my life and I hope it can change yours because I know what its like and its horrible, its one of the phobia's that you cant escape because you need to communicate with others to function in this world (unfortunately lol). Anyway, I just wanted to write this so you know that you are not alone and I feel for what you are going through.

Also another thing that helped me is a concept that someone told me that all humans have: an imaginary audience. We think that people are constantly looking at us or we are always the center of attention all the time but we aren't because everyone is the same, everyone has an imaginary audience, so there not thinking about you, there to preoccupied trying to satisfy their own imaginary audience.

I see this so often "CBT probably wont work for me" well of course it wont if you go into it with that attitude. EVERYONE I know personally who has mental health issues has benefited from CBT in some shape or form. Im not saying it will fix your problems but it will certainly make life easier. The hardest thing is to keep at it, keep practicing, it doesnt come naturally for many of us and results wont always be instant.

Now dont take this as an attack on you, its just a casual observation of people with anxiety and it does my head in that something so seemingly simple could make that much of a difference yet people wont even give it a good go and will turn to potentially harmful drugs before looking at themselves and their thought patterns. /end rant

I really hope you can find a solution that works for you at this point of your life, keep working at it and going to see your T. I believe you can get through this

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by Supanova

I see this so often "CBT probably wont work for me" well of course it wont if you go into it with that attitude. EVERYONE I know personally who has mental health issues has benefited from CBT in some shape or form. Im not saying it will fix your problems but it will certainly make life easier. The hardest thing is to keep at it, keep practicing, it doesnt come naturally for many of us and results wont always be instant.

Now dont take this as an attack on you, its just a casual observation of people with anxiety and it does my head in that something so seemingly simple could make that much of a difference yet people wont even give it a good go and will turn to potentially harmful drugs before looking at themselves and their thought patterns. /end rant

I really hope you can find a solution that works for you at this point of your life, keep working at it and going to see your T. I believe you can get through this

I don't think that's fair though. Not all people with anxiety are like that.

I know you said I shouldn't take what you wrote as an attack on me and I didn't but I want you to know what it's like for me. I go to therapy every week and I'm doing my best. I might be too freaking scared to do a lot of things but I'm at least doing my best. Also, I won't "turn to potentially harmful drugs" before looking at myself. I've been offered antidepressants since I got diagnosed (and I've known I probably should be on them longer than that) but I haven't tried them. Partly because I'm too afraid to try them and partly because I want to beat all of this myself, through therapy, if possible.

Perhaps I do have the wrong attitude, I don't know. All I know is I'm doing the best I can.

(I'm sorry if any of that came across as harsh or if it sounded like I'm angry or something. I'm not. Just wanted to point out that I'm really trying here.)

[neutrino]

Ok, so I've been anxious about my last post for hours (unable to edit it). I hope you didn't take it the wrong way.

Of course I do not take offence. I apologise for using your thread as a place for me to rant. I get frustrated sometimes and the internet is my outlet. I hope you have not felt too anxious over this. I too get anxious over my posts sometimes because I am not based in america and I think there are more cultural differences then we realise.

Honestly I did not mean that I didnt think you were working hard enough, it was a very general statement over what I have observed when it comes to working with people with anxiety.

Keep working with your T, It may be a long hard road but I am proof that anxiety can be beaten! I still deal with it but not nearly to the extent I was. Life is again enjoyable and not as scary as I once thought.

[IndieVisible]

I think there are a lot of factors and variables involved in our anxiety and also Behavior Therapy (CBT) to make any blanket statements one way or another.

I think rather then take any thing any of us says too seriously you should run it by your T. Social Anxiety is difficult to work with. I have General Anxiety and that's bad enough, I can only try to imagine what you must go thru on a regular basis.

What I don't understand is why do you need to join any groups at all? Also can you form your own group? If so it could be entirely a online group. Perhaps there are others that would prefer that as well.

A couple of people did hit on some basic truths I'd like to repeat. First no one can really hurt you. Feelings come and THEY GO. Also, it's true most people really don't pay that close attention to what your wearing, saying, or doing.

Now some new advice and certainly run this by your T too. I suggest you employ a little humor in your life. Learn to take a step back and laugh at yourself! We all do stupid and silly things, everyone! If we can recognize the humor in that it takes the sting away!

Good luck and welcome to the forum!

[neutrino]

Originally Posted by Supanova

Of course I do not take offence. I apologise for using your thread as a place for me to rant. I get frustrated sometimes and the internet is my outlet. I hope you have not felt too anxious over this. I too get anxious over my posts sometimes because I am not based in america and I think there are more cultural differences then we realise.

Honestly I did not mean that I didnt think you were working hard enough, it was a very general statement over what I have observed when it comes to working with people with anxiety.

Keep working with your T, It may be a long hard road but I am proof that anxiety can be beaten! I still deal with it but not nearly to the extent I was. Life is again enjoyable and not as scary as I once thought.

Ok, good. I'm not American either by the way.

I'll definitely keep working with my therapist. Wish I knew how though and I get the feeling he thinks I'm a bit difficult to work with. Last time I saw him (on Tuesday afternoon this week) he said things like "what are we going to do with you? Do you think it's difficult being here?" I assured him I wanted to be there but that I have a bit of a hard time expressing what I'm thinking. "Is that so?" he said and then he proceeded by reading my referral to see if he could find more facts about my "condition" and then he said "perhaps I'm asking the wrong questions or something". So yeah, I get the feeling he might not really know what to do with me.

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

I think there are a lot of factors and variables involved in our anxiety and also Behavior Therapy (CBT) to make any blanket statements one way or another.

I think rather then take any thing any of us says too seriously you should run it by your T. Social Anxiety is difficult to work with. I have General Anxiety and that's bad enough, I can only try to imagine what you must go thru on a regular basis.

What I don't understand is why do you need to join any groups at all? Also can you form your own group? If so it could be entirely a online group. Perhaps there are others that would prefer that as well.

A couple of people did hit on some basic truths I'd like to repeat. First no one can really hurt you. Feelings come and THEY GO. Also, it's true most people really don't pay that close attention to what your wearing, saying, or doing.

Now some new advice and certainly run this by your T too. I suggest you employ a little humor in your life. Learn to take a step back and laugh at yourself! We all do stupid and silly things, everyone! If we can recognize the humor in that it takes the sting away!

Good luck and welcome to the forum!

I'm aware of that when I post here. That what works for other people might not work for me. It's nice being able to post here and get other people's views on things though.

I know that most people probably don't look at me or laugh at me or judge me. I know that people are busy with their own lives etc. However, even though I know that, my anxiety tells me otherwise which leads to me for example thinking that people are looking at me. Anxiety isn't rational.

[with or without you]

neutrino, I have SA too and it sucks. I was diagnosed with it when I was about your age (17). I hope you have more success in treatment than me, because now I'm 32 and I'm still allowing it to dictate my life. However, I was worse when I was younger.

[wotchermuggle]

I'd suggest you go to disability services and see what help they can provide you with. They could help you out when it comes to your educational needs and emotional ones as well, if you need it.