[dandeliongum]

I'm 26 years old and I've been agoraphobic since I was 14. I'm pretty much completely housebound - at times I can walk into my yard but rarely and nothing beyond that. I often have panic attacks in my house as well and I feel like I've made my bedroom my ultimate safe space, as I feel extremely uncomfortable roaming around if anyone else is home. I've lived in the same house I have always lived in, but I need to move across the country in just a few months to be with my boyfriend. I try exposure therapy as often as possible but I don't get much further than my yard. When I reach a certain point it feels like there's some type of invisible force holding me back. I cannot get my feet to carry me any further. My knees start shaking, my derealization starts intensifying, I sweat profusely, both my vision and hearing intensify to the point the everything is almost echoing and everything looks blurry. It feels like I'm about to faint any second - though I never have. But these physical sensations are incredibly intense. I've mastered CBT to the point where I've taught and have helped cure anxiety sufferers, yet my anxiety is still extremely high. I've never met anyone else who has such intense, long-lasting panic attacks (mine can last anywhere up to 7-10 hours, relentlessly) nor anyone who had so many limitations. I have met other agoraphobics, but usually even they can travel a couple miles away from home with a safe person or at least have freedom in their house.

How am I supposed to move across the country in this condition? How can I take the steps I need to take to get there? I feel like this will ultimately be an amazingly good thing for me as it will provide an instant change of scenery and will completely eliminate all the safe places I've created for myself. Just getting there seems so challenging.

I'm currently taking anywhere from 2-6 mg of Klonopin every day, which has helped (pre-Klonopin, I was panicking so intensely that I went through a period of never being able to be alone and my derealization was constant), I've tried SSRI medications (probably 4 or 5 of them - they've all caused manic episodes). I'm also wondering which airline is best for those with disabilities? I just want this to go as smoothly as possible.

If it matters at all, I've also been diagnosed with bi polar II, PTSD and depression. Though the agoraphobia is what's really holding me back in this situation.

If anyone has moved at all while being super agoraphobic, please share your story with me! The points leading up the move, the actual traveling and settling into your new environment. Any tips would be so appreciated.

Sorry if you've seen this, I am cross-posting to a few other anxiety message boards, I'm trying to get as many opinions as possible.

[shy_singer33]

I guess facing your fears is the only way (besides the Klonopin) to deal with travel. I don't really know much about agoraphobia, so you could talk to a therapist (if you're comfortable going there. You can take a friend if you want, or something from your house that you are attached to). I'm going away to college next year, and I have severe seperation anxiety. I got into the college of my dreams, my best friend is going with me, and everything is great besides the fact that I live in New York and my college is in California. I can't turn down my acceptance, and I feel like the only way to go is to pack my entire life and everything that reminds me of my loved ones when I leave. So, I guess you should pack as much as you can from things inside your bedroom. A blanket, a pillow, anything you see/use regularly should go with you when you live with your boyfriend. Familiar furniture can be shipped so when you get there, you can have it with you. Good luck!

[JustWantPeace]

For what it is worth to you, if anything, the fact that you are planning to do this makes you a far braver person than I am. I think that you are an inspiration and I have said a prayer for you and your successful endeavor.

I believe that all we really are looking for is security, it is that peace we long for within that security. The safe places we make for ourselves, can they become portable or better yet, internal??

I have four friends that travel alone a lot and they all have anxiety issues. I have absolutely no idea how they do it but I wish I could do the same.

I wish I had a magic or insightful solution for you. I was housebound pretty much for a couple of years or so and the only thing that helped me was to slowly start stretching my boundaries. I consider traveling 100 miles a huge success. I would be so elated if I could make it across country. The only thing I might have to offer is that lately I have identified my own fears stem from fear of the unknown (duh me that was so obvious) and that sometimes the only way forward is to just accept that what will be will be and the only thing I can control even slightly is myself and my own actions. I cannot control others, weather or God stuff and to try and do so will result in anxiety and a become a waste of energy. Now the key for me, is realizing that AND remembering that. The minutes and hours and sometimes days I can remember that are better than when I don't remember it. I'm guessing you already know this though.

Good luck and Godspeed to you