[mama pajama]

I have triplets who will be three in the spring. 2 of them are delayed in speech and social. I have recently come to the conclusion that I have let my anxiety completely cloud my judgement with them. I didn't get why I was the only one that watched them enough, everyone else was ignorant about germs. I pretty much kept them from exploring because everything was dangerous to me. After the delays became apparent I became obsessed with finding the perfect diet to correct the delays. It took over and I was on the Internet non stop- trying to help them without really helping them. The dr and I both agree that they need to be with other kids will help all of them. Plus the two are in speech.

Anyway I've realized that I need to relax and let go of wanting to just put them in a bubble. I find myself completely unsure of what to do most the time. When they run around after each other I have to not look. I really have no problem dropping them off for Preschool. The areas that are hard are the times I'm with them. When I see them not interact with others I just want to cry. My son was talking to another kid and her mom, his talking is just gibberish. The girl was looking at him like he was crazy. I've heard 2x other kids ask what was wrong with that little boy about my son, 1x at a dentist appointment, 1x at the beach. When other girls talk to my daughter and she walks away I just feel hopeless and really sad. At a friends house I watched their 4.5 yr old tickle my daughter and I pretty much had to calm down from a panic attack.

I need to get some thicker skin because I am not helping my children. I just am so afraid something will happen and I won't see it. The thought of them hurt and not able to tell me is really too much. I am so afraid they will be bullied or teased. I am afraid of going postal if that happened.

On the other hand I really don't know if I am reading the situation correctly. To be honest I think that girl was looking at him weirdly but it could be in my head from my anxiety. I could've heard those other girls wrong. Even if I didn't why do I let it get to me? My kids don't either notice or care, why do I.

My kids are still in diapers, don't know how to dress themselves, all these things I've always just did, and now I see how it's hurt them.

Do I need medication? I was on buspar but it didn't do much. I am trying to meditate and all that. I feel like a total failure as a mom. I want to stop screwing them up!

Anyone have advice?

[healingme4me]

I have two out of three kids, with communication delays, developmentally delayed. Once, into the early intervention programs through the school system, I'd highly recommend, getting in touch with the special needs parent advisory committee. Yes, difficult, to understand, which makes your concern about expressing needs, valid. It gets easier, connecting with other parents, like yourself. .one of my kids, sees a neurologist, and has made tremendous strides, speaking in the past five years. The other son, will start an evaluation at an outside speech and language center, this coming week. The speech pathologist mentioned apraxia, which will need an official dx, if that's, the case. I email weekly, the special needs liason, to inform of what he did, over the weekend, to help with his education. As parents, we are their biggest advocates.
If socially, withdrawn, in class setting will be helpful. My middle, is fully integrated, my youngest bordered by an hour or so, of not being fully integrated. Each makes friends, but the lack of intelligibility of my youngest, is a struggle, for everyone involved, including specialists.
I will say, don't be hard on yourself, you didn't cause this.


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[mama pajama]

Thank you so much! I think your advice is exactly what I need to hear. Getting involved in services and talking w/the people who are there to help or understand has always been helpful. I am realizing when I internalize things, everything is overwhelming and the doom feeling follows. That doesn't help anyone!
Thanks again I will check out the parent advisory.

[winter4me]

Absolutely, get the kids evaluated, and find out what they need to succeed. You did not cause this. You may have caused some cautiousness, shyness even, but the kind of delays/issues you describe are usually "hard wired", not a result of environment.
Give yourself a hug for being able to care for triplets!!!

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by mama pajama

Thank you so much! I think your advice is exactly what I need to hear. Getting involved in services and talking w/the people who are there to help or understand has always been helpful. I am realizing when I internalize things, everything is overwhelming and the doom feeling follows. That doesn't help anyone!
Thanks again I will check out the parent advisory.

It's easier to not internalize, when you see yourself, as not alone in all of this!

[Tonyh]

You are fine mama. There is nothing wrong with being cautious with children. I feel worse about seeing parents that don't watch their children at all. But yes, children need social interaction. They learn a lot that way.

On the speech, my daughter was born with a speech problem, and I went through the same feelings of feeling bad when other people looked at her. She couldn't pronounce many letters right so her words sounded more like Waa Waa sounds. We had to take her to years of speech therapy. She is 18 now and doing fine.

Did I become overly protective of her? Yes, absolutely. But after a while I realized that it was important for her to learn life lessons through experience. So I loosened up a bit.

Get your kids evaluated to see why their speech is delayed. It will help you understand what, if anything, needs to be done.