[Piglette]

I've been feeling very, very depressed and anxious for about a month now. So I've had social phobia for a decade. I've made VERY little progress. I struggle leaving my home, STILL, after all this time. I cannot handle crowds, STILL; I cannot handle waiting rooms STILL; I find it hard paying for things in shops or announcing my name and appointment at the doctor's. STILL.

I went to the doctor's today, and the waiting room was torture. 3 people my age chatting and laughing the whole time, then a young couple my age, both groups sat right near me. A family came in with a big pram and I wondered how I would go through to the room with that pram in the way. I spent the whole time trying to look "normal" and failing, trying to avoid looking at the people that I found intimidating, with my hands sweating and my heart racing and my foot tapping. I had to get out of there. When I was finally called, I got up and pulled my jumper down, feeling as if the people my age could see something on my jeans that I wasn't aware of and laughing, or perhaps laughing at my posture or my awkward walk.

I'm in CBT, and I have a lot of tasks for the upcoming weeks. I'm TERRIFIED. Even when I'm not around people, I feel as if I'm made of cotton wool. I have NO backbone, no self esteem, no confidence, and I'm OVER-sensitive. I feel like a delicate daisy. I imagine people commenting to eachother about me, whispering about my appearance or the way I come across. And when I imagine this, I blush, avoid looking in their direction, and feel so weak. I feel weak all the time. People scare me so much, it's like they are lions and I'm a lamb... they will rip me to shreds and I can't defend myself. Why am I such a wuss? I've always been a wuss.... my whole life. At school I was very shy and very sensitive to criticism, and people were horrible, especially about the way I looked. Needless to say I did NOT deal with it well, and I have never learned how to deal with it. Why can't I be strong? Strike that, normal? Other people do not crumble to a trembling wreck around fellow human beings. They get on with it, they live. They have nothing to fear from others. Why must I?

I'm so tired. So tired of it. I am completely trapped. I don't work, only leave my house once a week or less. I want a LIFE. I want to go out without feeling like I'm going to be torn to shreds about something. I don't want to be a wuss anymore.

[Travelinglady]

I can appreciate how frustrating your situation must be. Note, though, that even though you feel uncomfortable, you ARE able to sit in offices! That's an accomplishment you can be proud of and a great beginning! Some folks can't do that. You have made progress.

I'm sure more people than you think experience feelings like yours.

Stick with your CBT and continue to work on your self-esteem is what I suggest.

Although I never was diagnosed with social phobia, I used to be very shy, a wall flower. After a number of years of talk therapy, I am very bold and can talk to anybody. It CAN be done. Okay?