Like the title says, I have a phobia of touching other people deliberately, yet I'm less anxious (but still not that comfortable) with being touched. I suppose the difference is that I have more exposure in being touched? I just really hate not being able to initiate touch…it makes me seem like a cold, disinterested person when I may really care about someone. But I can't show it in any way that makes sense to them. If someone were to need a hug, they can come hug me and I'll pretend I'm into it, but I can't go up and hug them.

It doesn't make sense as I'd have more control if I were the one touching the other rather than vice versa, but at the same time, I feel like it's breaching someone's private space. And so even though I see what other people do, I'm afraid I'm going to do something inappropriate I guess, and I don't want to cross that line. I guess since touch translates as more sexual to me than it does to the average person.

I've used exposure as a way to get over major phobias successfully in the past, but I could do it on my own. I'm not sure how I could get exposure for this…I could get friends to tell me it's ok to touch them, but I think I'd still feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Can anybody relate to this? Is it possible to work through or is touch something that I won't be able to ever experience comfortably?

[IzzyMeadows]

I can relate. I'm uncomfortable being touched. Though I'm not afraid of initiating touch I just don't know how. I guess there probably is some anxiety that I'll do something wrong since I don't know how to do it. Sad thing is touch is my "love language". I don't feel loved without being a little touchy feely but most people think I'm cold and distant since I never initiate. I'm sure like anything with the right people and some time it can be worked through. It just isn't one of my major issues currently.

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I think part of my fear of initiating touch is doing it wrong and being laughed at and another part is invading someone else's space inappropriately because that's happened to me. I also think my body language gives off all the wrong signals since I'm not open to physical touch.

To me, the phobia of physical touch and all the stuff that goes with it (can't date, can't bond with friends, etc.) is probably my biggest issue at the moment, but probably because I think about it constantly. I've done some exposure therapy with friends, but I'm just not really feeling anything but discomfort when we hug. So, it's not really working.

[Rzay4]

I don't like being touched period. Sometimes I'll do hugs with my family but I hate being forced. You can work on this in therapy.

How exactly do you work on it in therapy? Do you practice by initiating touch with a therapist? Just talking about it won't help much…I know why I have a problem.

I just don't feel comfortable exploring those sort of things with a therapist…touch becomes sexual to me way too quickly. I feel like I would be the most comfortable with someone I'm dating or a friend with benefits. But no one is going to date someone with a touch problem (and they can tell based on my conflicting body language) and disappear before I can even explain why there's a problem, it's not about them, and I'm willing to work on it. But no…for guys at least, all they want to do is have sex constantly and I need to get comfortable just holding hands. No guy is going to go that long without sex so they'll just cheat on me…I just don't understand why sex is so important to people that they would purposely hurt their partner in order to have it. And that's coming from someone who is pretty much obsessed with thinking about sex. I may need to move this thread to the Sexual Issues forum…but I'm so turned off by the fact that I will be guilted or forced into doing things against my will. That's part of the anxiety—I give an inch, they'll take a mile and I only feel like I trust someone not to force me into something if they DON'T touch me and stay out of my space at first.

[medicalfox]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

How exactly do you work on it in therapy? Do you practice by initiating touch with a therapist? Just talking about it won't help much…I know why I have a problem.

I just don't feel comfortable exploring those sort of things with a therapist…touch becomes sexual to me way too quickly. I feel like I would be the most comfortable with someone I'm dating or a friend with benefits. But no one is going to date someone with a touch problem (and they can tell based on my conflicting body language) and disappear before I can even explain why there's a problem, it's not about them, and I'm willing to work on it. But no…for guys at least, all they want to do is have sex constantly and I need to get comfortable just holding hands. No guy is going to go that long without sex so they'll just cheat on me…I just don't understand why sex is so important to people that they would purposely hurt their partner in order to have it. And that's coming from someone who is pretty much obsessed with thinking about sex. I may need to move this thread to the Sexual Issues forum…but I'm so turned off by the fact that I will be guilted or forced into doing things against my will. That's part of the anxiety—I give an inch, they'll take a mile and I only feel like I trust someone not to force me into something if they DON'T touch me and stay out of my space at first.

It's called exposure therapy and I had it for my OCD as a child. I had to touch door knobs with my hands and it was a grueling task because germ x wasn't available back then. Now I can touch almost anything since I carry germ x with me 24/7 and have 7 bottles in different locations such as my car, bedroom, work bag, ect.

Sounds like you have been dating the wrong guys. There are men out there who are patient, trust worthy, and take the time to develop the sexual aspect of a relationship. They are just harder to find since they are generally the shy ones that aren't as out going as the men looking immediate sex.

I have touch problems too because I'm autistic and generally touching bothers me, but I allow it to an extent because my boyfriend is an average guy that obviously has the desire to cuddle and such. Being in a relationship is about understanding each person and each giving accommodations to each other. For example, I allow cuddling at night, but I don't cuddle the whole night and he is okay with that because at least I had cuddled for a bit.

I've never dated anyone. The guys who have influenced my opinion on men in general were certainly no one I've dated.

I've approached guys…no one was interested as my body language does not indicate interest in the way they're expecting so I guess they give up immediately (or weren't interested in the first place).

I'd have to start with just holding hands. I would need clear verbal permission before I touched someone and they would need the same from me before they touched me. But who is going to deal with that? Guys won't deal with someone "damaged".

I don't even get the chance to see if I'm dating the wrong guys because no one is willing to go on more than one date with me.

[medicalfox]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I've never dated anyone. The guys who have influenced my opinion on men in general were certainly no one I've dated.

I've approached guys…no one was interested as my body language does not indicate interest in the way they're expecting so I guess they give up immediately (or weren't interested in the first place).

I'd have to start with just holding hands. I would need clear verbal permission before I touched someone and they would need the same from me before they touched me. But who is going to deal with that? Guys won't deal with someone "damaged".

I don't even get the chance to see if I'm dating the wrong guys because no one is willing to go on more than one date with me.

Do you see a therapist? Maybe you can mention this to him/her and could post this on a relationship forum to get more responses.

I posted it on the Sexual Issues forum.

I don't see a therapist…haven't had a lot of positive experiences there. They tend to want to push the "why" part of it when I already pretty much know. I just want to know how I can at least in a sense, get "over it".