[eina]

Alongside my mood problems I have some weird symptoms that have pretty well stumped every therapist and psychiatrist I've talked to- mainly some pretty serious chronic derealization/depersonlization with odd flashes of warped perception, bits of random memories and gustatory/olfactory hallucinations. The last pdoc I saw referred me to a seizure expert. The expert said my symptoms were peculiar and atypical but also very similar to those he's seen in other patients. He said it was possible they were just 'disorganized manifestations' of a seizure disorder and got me up to speed on how they test for it. He said that even if there was no recorded seizure activity during the test, he expected there to be some anomalous signs from my chronic altered state.

I should be so happy about this, it's been so many years with no one having any ideas of how to proceed- but the testing process is like stress trigger bingo for me! They basically hook you up into a little helmet with electrodes in a video monitored hospital room and let you do whatever for 24 hours- watch movies, hang out on your laptop, play video games, whatever relatively sedentary activity you bring with you. You're also supposed to have someone there to hold a conversation with you for awhile so they can monitor your brain activity while you're socializing or something. They also want you to sleep because some activity is clearer when your brain is at rest.

I have social phobia and the idea of having to have someone there with me while they video us having a conversation is the worst thing I have ever heard. I don't have any friends so it would have to be my mom, and I honestly don't know what we'd talk about. And then there's the fear of hospitals, the discomfort and stress of being away from home (especially for such a long time!), and last but certainly not least the sleeping in an odd place. I have so much difficulty with that, ever since I was a kid trying to have sleepovers with friends. It makes me physically ill and I rarely actually sleep. I spent a lot of slumber parties crying and dry heaving in the bathroom while the other guests/hosts slept the night away in the other room. I can easily stay up for 24 hours, I often do it by accident when I just can't sleep.

It's making me a nervous wreck. I've already had to cancel the appointment which was supposed to be yesterday. I'm kicking myself now because it would be over and done with if I had just gone through with it! I've pushed down so many phobias in order to have other medical tests done, I don't know why this one is so different. In fact it should be easier- no needles, no blood, no knockout gas. Just lounging around for 24 hours. But I just can't even wrap my head around it, it paralyzes me with fear. And I can't have them give me any anti-anxiety or sleep meds because they interfere with the testing.

I really, desperately need to have this test done. It could be the missing piece, my entire life could finally change. I could feel sane again. But how do you make yourself do something when just thinking about it makes you feel like you're dying?

[live2ski66]

EEGs, sounds like a version of what the test might be, sure have come a long way! The first one I had, I was 7 years old, my mother dragged me screaming and yelling to the hospital? I remember a very somber narrow dark hallway leading into a very strange room full of wires and monitors. They made me lie in a hard bed with no sheets or pillows, just the vinyl covered mattress. Then the doc used some kind of grey muck (a conductivity putty) and what looked like crochet hooks and threaded all this crap throughout my long beautifully just washed hair. Talk about a traumatic experience! That was 41 years ago and I remember it like yesterday.

That aside, I don't mean to scare you. If the test can give you answers you are a very fortunate person.

Is there anyway they can do the test at your home? I know it's a huge thing to ask, I'm sure you are not the only one experiencing the anxiety. Why don't you talk to the doctor's nurse and find out how she/he has helped people with the same problem. Do you have an emotional service animal? You might be able to take him with you. When I went for my first MRI I was scarred out of my wits. I talked the hospital into letting me bring my cat with me as long as he remained in his kennel and did not go into the MRI machine with me.

Good Luck!