[not quite right]

I realize this is one most repeated phrases in the history of abused women, but, after a week & a half I let him come back home. Now, the 15 years we've been together there has been so much ugliness between us both, but I had never thrown him out. I'd like to believe it triggered the changes he has made. He is seeking counseling, quit drinking & smoking pot and he got a job making more money than he's ever made. I'm trying to make some changes myself because I was never truly a victim. I was often cold & cruel and we beat each other down over the years. Also I had also put my hands on him (I am a vicious fighter). In the end his wrongs most likely outweighed mine, but, maybe we can help each other learn to use some kindness. I finally had to take medical leave of my job. The blackouts are increasingly frequent & I just can't pretend anymore. Waiting for a court date for disability and I am trying to build my case. Do know, my friends that should my husband choose to revert to his old ways, it will be over. But wish us luck. I'm choosing to hope we will have a wonderful future.

I don't know what the situation is in other states, but in California there's a no-tolerance law regarding domestic violence. I used to have a big problem with becoming violent. Seven years ago there was a violent scene in my home, someone called the cops and I spent the night in jail. THE WORST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. That was it for me. Never been violent since.

The problem with violence and abuse is sooner or later it gets out of hand. Someone gets severely injured, someone goes to jail, someone is accidentally killed. I know plenty of people who live in violent relationships. It's a choice, and it's a gamble.

[not quite right]

During one of his drunken rampages (It was his birthday) he began to bust up glass all over the house our twins were there& thankfully the neighbors were good friends so I sent them over there. We'll, he had cut his arm badly and started poking me in the chest while slobbering some drunken insult or another & I saw red. I'm the kind of woman even men won't fight the whole being insane & not exactly tiny. I punched him in the face 3 hard jabs heard his jaw Crack, but his eyes went completely blank. His exact words were, "I was just punking you before, now I'm gonna kill you" I grabbed the phone & dialed 911 but didn't hit talk yet (where I come from the police aren't your friends) thinking he would stop. Then he picked up our 40" 1989 TV and was attempting to smash my head in with it. I hit dial and sent for the police. When they arrived I played it off that his wounds warranted an ambulance. The cop asked if he had hit me & of I cut him. I answered no, they cleaned him up & left. One hour later I heard knocking on the door, same cop, asking me to verify my identity & step outside. I asked to change out of my nightgown & was handcuffed & arrested. Seems there was a 4 yr of warrant from another County for a bounced check. Spent 3 days in the holding cell denied my meds and in utter disbelief that irony was so hardcore. Next time I'll take my chances in a fight. That was 5 years ago & is still fresh. We're trying to use our words now & redevelop a healthier way to work out our issues. Nobody wins when using violence