Anxiety over Noisy Neighbors

I don't have anyone at this time to turn to so I figured this would be the best place to come to get this off of my chest because it's affecting my workday.

To start with a short background. I've been suffering from severe anxiety issues, panic attacks, and codependency issues that I've been going to therapy for the past year. It's been so severe that it's caused myself to isolate and keep really tight boundaries.

It's only until now that I'm starting to make some progress but the issue I'm about to go into is really driving me insane.

About a month ago I had some new neighbors move into the apartment right next to mine. Overall they were pretty quite expect for two incidents where I hear the resident beat his dog. I was in the kitchen one evening and all of a sudden I hear this big BOOM, dog starts crying, and I hear the resident yell IT WAS YOUR ****ING FAULT! A week passed and around 2:30 in the morning I awoke to the same situation where the owner hit his dog loud enough for me to hear it, he yells at the dog, and the dog was crying like crazy.

Moving on two weeks ago this resident ended up getting a sound system for his entertainment center and had a few people over. The noise was loud but bearable. Over the past week it just kept getting worse and worse until last Saturday I had a enough. I was to emotionally wound up to confront the resident in a peaceful manner so I ended up calling the front office to file a noise complaint.

I'm not sure if the front office of my complex actually called at that time but the noise just kept getting worse and worse. Then on Sunday evening I came home and this resident was having a HUGE party. Everyone was drunk and obnoxious and the music was so loud it sounded like a freaking night club in my apartment. Finally I heard someone from upstairs walk down and then the music stopped. This was around midnight. Then I heard a fight that almost broke out which involved the resident that beat his dog on two different occasions.

Monday came around and I didn't get a chance to call the front office again to file a complaint. So I just let it play out to see how it would go. Monday was annoying but bearable, Tuesday was dead quite, Wednesday was worse, and last night was pure ****ing hell.

I came home around 6:30 and from that time until midnight the sound just kept getting worse and worse. I turned up my TV to drown out the noise, that didn't help. I tried wearing earplugs, that didn't help. I even put my headphones on and turned my volume on my iPod up and that didn't even help.

I was even went on my balcony with the sliding door closed because for a moment I thought it was just me and I could still hear his sound system at insane levels. What was pissing me off even more is the fact that it didn't seem to bother anyone else in the complex. I felt like it was me and this neighbor from hell that were the only two residents that were living there.

I awoke this morning and felt awful. I was extremely pissed off that this was happening and fearful of any retribution on the other residents part if I try to deal with this situation. That's when the anxiety and panic started to set in.
I got into work and I can't focus for ****. I even tried reaching for the phone to call the front office of my complex and my hand was shaking several times. Finally I said **** IT and ended up calling and talking with the lead manager.

Now that this phone call is done and the lead manager has been informed. I'm terrified of going home now. My manager said that she wouldn't mention my name and stated that she would say that she has received several complaints. But if the resident is smart enough it would be common deduction to conclude that I'm the one that called.

I'm angry at this resident, I'm angry at myself for letting this get to me, and I'm afraid of any conflict that may transpire now when I end up going home. It makes me feel less of a man and I'm going nuts with all of these anxious thoughts going through my head.

Anyways, I'll end my rant there. I'll be shocked if you've read up to this point but I'm thankful I had at least a place like this where I could get this off my chest.

Any comments, thoughts, advice are welcome.

Okay first off I sympathize with you a lot. Home should be comfy and safe and peaceful.
Practical thoughts. If another neighbor has already confronted the resident directly then I would say the noisy guy would suspect that neighbor. But it doesn't matter. This has to stop even if it means you get involved. But I don't doubt for a moment that there are several others who are resenting this noise too. That's inconsiderate and obnoxious and shouldn't be tolerated. The way I see this playing out is the new neighbor will tone it down or be forced to move. There will be no retribution.
Hope this helps ease your anxiety. I understand... really

First, look at your lease. Chances are there is a clause in there about noise not crossing apartments between certain hours. Remind your landlord of it.

Second, look up the noise ordinances in your town. If this guy is blasting his stereo or having parties that go late into the night, you are within your rights to call the police, just use the non-emergency number.

You pay rent. You should be able to be home in peace.

God,does my heart go out to you! I suffered doors
being banged morning,noon,and night and became
very ill through it. Eventually,I couldn't take it any
more,and started banging the entrance door myself!
So,every time they banged it,I would do it 3or 4
times,plus I ended up going to every one of their
doors to say how pissed I was. 2 things happened:
1.The noise stopped,and 2.Because I ALLOWED
my anger to bang the door,and let them know it
was unacceptable, wonder of wonder,the anxiety
I'd had since yrs and yrs ago mostly disappeared.
Since then,I will NOT take disrespect from any
quarter,and walk with my head held high.

I've been in a very similar situation. We lived next to some people that had at least 6 people living in a 2 bedroom apartment, at least three young kids. Their schedule seemed to be wake up and start making noise at 3 pm and go until 6 am. Complaining to our apartment managers didn't work. It was only when they stopped paying rent that they were kicked out and even then it took about 10 weeks to get them out because they were on public housing assistance and it is a lot of red tape to evict someone on housing assistance.

I had even called the police a couple times on these people, but it also never seemed to work. We eventually jumped at the chance to move into a wonderful condo in a super quiet neighborhood.

I like Bluedove's resolution. I wish I had called the cops more often because they would have eventually taken it up with the property management and the owners and maybe they would have gotten rid of those tenets sooner.

Hi there I'm going through the exact same thing as you infact I want to move out of my home of 16 years because of it. The noise had got my anxiety through the roof if its not them constantly shouting and swearing its the loud music and parties.
These people actually tipped my planters out onto my steps last year, the steps are adapted as I'm disabled, then to top it off I had a call from my housing place asking me if I'd had a party that weekend!!! She said she knows my conditions but has to ask!!!
You only ever got one chance here before now it's a do whatever you want attitude. Apparently they are trying to get them evicted and are gathering evidence, this is the housing association who own the house, er what about the police attending every other week? Also there is a young child living there.
Sorry rant over bit it really affects me as I'm practically housebound and now I can't even enjoy the garden. Yes I feel intimidated as I can't defend myself because of my conditions and yes this makes me feel like less of a mother who can't fight for my children to not have to listen to this foul language daily but then I think if I did shout or I did act violently then they've won, I would be no better than them and we are the better person for not acting this way.
Gather as much info as you can and if needs be send it anonymously to whoever owns that property, I am it's so unfair.
Good luck and try and ignore as much as you possibly can that's the attitude I'm so desperately trying to adopt to stop the rage inside me.
Keep us informed and remember they ain't worth getting into trouble over
Take care
J

First off thank you all for your replies and I'm sorry I didn't get to them sooner. I rarely check my emails and didn't realize I received so many replies.

Here is an update to my situation with my noisy neighbors from hell.

After calling my apartment manager to inform them of the situation no confrontation took place. However the sound while it didn't get worse it didn't go away completely. I just ended up giving in and putting up with it. That was until Tuesday May 27th.

I came home that evening and the noisy neighbors had their blinds open and I could clearly see a group of people watching a movie. The sound system for the movie was LOUD, I mean IMAX theatre loud. Now if I would have had a chance to think about my next action I would have never have done it but instinctively I knocked on their door with my heart racing a mile a minute. They opened the door and I stumbled over my words and the resident said the "music is to loud isn't it?" I said yes and they kindly turned it down.

I walked into my apartment and this rush of fear came over me, I couldn't believe what I had just done and I was literally shaking. Then it got even worse because I was freaking out over freaking out over what I had just done.

Needless to say they were absolutely quite for about a month. I thought I was home free until recently.

The past two Friday's the annoying noise levels started to come back. Then this past Sunday I was awaken to what I thought was an explosion. I ran out into the living room only to find out that in fact it was an explosion but a virtual explosion. The neighbors next door were playing a video game and it was insanely loud. I looked at the clock and it was 2:45am on a Sunday morning. I proceeded to call the complex security but was greeted with a voice mail. I was to tired and emotional to leave a message, plus I didn't have the number to the local police, so I just ended up going to bed.

This past Monday while at work I was fighting severe anxiety issues in calling the apartment manager and didn't get any work done. Finally in the late afternoon I was able to get a hold of my apartment manager. I filled them in on what was going on and they said they would give the noisy neighbors a three day notice. Meaning they have three days to quite down or they will be asked to leave.

Great! Finally the front office is taking some action right and I should feel better that this is going to get resolved?

WRONG!

My anxiety levels went through the roof because of this 3-day notice. I was terrified in going home with some fear of some definite backlash.

I ended up going home that evening and they were still playing their sound system at an annoying level. On a scale of one to ten I would say it was at four. I was virtually a wreck for the whole evening.

Tuesday roles around and my anxiety levels were still at 10. It was effecting my work so badly that I decided to schedule a last minute appointment with my therapist. In talking with her she said I was suffering from social anxiety issues as well as some PTSD resulting from traumatic experiences I've had in the last couple of years.

Tuesday and Wednesday evening rustled into confrontations and it was quite.

However yesterday was a completely different story. They were the noise levels were loud throughout the whole day. For one hour the range was from a six to a ten. The rest of the day it jumped from a one to a seven. Having the day off I was wreck the whole day. I spent all day at home and recorded every major incident down in my journal.

Then at 9:30pm I had a nervous breakdown. I wanted to leave and go to Starbucks to hang out with my friends but I couldn't leave because the noisy neighbors were sitting on there patio and I was to afraid of a confrontation. I tried getting up to leave and just collapsed on the couch crying and shaking uncontrollably. I felt so lost and weak and to tired to even fight this situation anymore.

I awoke this morning to them with their noise levels up again ranging from a one to a six. There was no way in the world I was going to put up with it today so I got out of the house and fled to Starbucks. I don't think I will be coming home until later tonight.

So that's where things are now. I'm ashamed of myself that I can't stand up for myself and that I'm freaking out as much as I am over fear of any backlash, especially I update the manager and they end up getting evicted.

Thank you for giving me the chance to let this out and I apologize for any grammar errors but I wrote this whole entry on my iPad.

EDIT

"Tuesday and Wednesday evening rustled into confrontations and it was quite."

It should say that Tuesday and Wednesday evening resulted into no confrontations and it was quite.

I'm rather worried about the poor dog... =/

I guess I would try to meet other neighbors, see if I could get some others willing to help complain so the management does get them to leave and it is more a, "all your neighbors complained" situation.

That or I'd try to embarrass them? :-) I had a neighbor in my apartment building above me who I'd awake hearing having sex and then they'd get up and play the piano at 2:00 a.m. or whatever! I had the urge to go up there barefoot, in my flannel nightgown, knock on the door, look wistful and say, "The sex was bad enough but it's the piano playing that really has to go". In college, in my dorm, I had idiot neighbors who suddenly turned up their sound system in the middle of the night and were all singing along, etc. and woke me from a sound sleep and I just reacted, went over, stood in the doorway and gave them my best evil eye (which apparently is pretty good) and quietly said, turn. . .it. . .down and they fell all over themselves complying; I probably looked like I could do murder. Finding your anger instead of the anxiety, just "not caring" because it is so bad can really help sometimes.

Thank you for sharing your story.

I think more than anything while the noise is definitely a serious issue that I'm going through that I can't wait for it to be resolved. I'm more concerned about how badly my anxiety is taking over my life at the moment. I think I'm freaking out more over how badly I'm freaking out and afraid of this situation.

Things are happening to me both emotionally and physically that I just do not know how to deal with at this time. Why in God's green earth would I have a nervous breakdown over leaving my apartment in fear of interacting with them? I just don't get it.

Could it be my codependency, my social anxiety, or PTSD? I don't know but what I do know is that I want these anxious thoughts and feelings to GO AWAY more than the noise from my neighbors from hell.

I completely understand the negative disadvantages of living in an apartment. However I would like to be able to deal with this situation I'm currently going through with a level of confidence and respect to stand up for myself now and that is something I just don't have at the moment.

I'm just thankful I have actually found a place where I can be 100% completely honest with my thoughts and feelings. It's been a challenge keeping these anxious thoughts and feelings inside.

In regards to the dog those two incidents I heard that I mentioned in the original post were the only moments I've heard. I have no idea how they are taking care of their dog at this present moment.

Hello friend,the greatest compassion to you. Jesus,
these kind of people are NARCISSISTS! And don't
give a damn for anyone except themselves.Could
you not try the 'goose for gander' actions and when
THEY are quiet,rack up your OWN NOISE,see how they like it back! You can't go on like this,you
will end up seriously ill through these numbskulls.
Either make your own noise,or if that doesn't work,
move. (for health sake). I think you are in PTSD, it
wasn't till it stopped,that I realized how severe it had
affected me--I am STILL recovering over year later!

That means a lot Bluedove, thank you.

However, I don't believe I can handle risking playing the "What's good for the Goose is Good for the gander" card. Plus it's really hard for me to admit this but I do not believe I could contact the front office and inform them of what has transpired this past week with the intention of them evicting them on based on the 3-day notice that they stated they delivered to them last Monday.

If that were to happen I would have a serious meltdown for any direct fear of any backlash. It's only becoming clear to me know what is wrong with me and my Anxiety and PTSD is so severe now I seriously don't think I could handle anything that would open the door to the idea of a confrontation with these neighbors from hell.

With that said I think I may have come to a conclusion on my next step.

Monday I'm going to call the front office to request a face to face meeting. In that meeting I'm going to lay out the last two toxic years I've had in my life that has resulted me in therapy and a Codependency 12 step program. I'm going to inform them of my social anxiety and PTSD issues and then lay out the week from hell that I've just had and tell them that I can not handle the idea of them evicting these noisy neighbors based on my direct complaints for the fears that I have.

Then I'm going to request to move to an upstairs apartment or find out what it is going to cost me to break my lease.

I'm actually personal friends with the manager so I am hoping she will be compassionate to my cause.

This might be the cowards way out but it's the out I can feel comfortable with. I am not capable of dealing with this situation. It's just to stressful and it's harming what I need to do to take care of myself and really deal with the personal issues that I'm going through.

Sorry it's been so tough for you, with new neighbors. I can relate to having loud neighbors, not a constant, but loud at wrong times, sometimes. It's not a complex, and well, calling cops is not something to be done over noise pollution.

Good for gander, works much better, tbh. And makes for comical bonding. ..haven't just been loud back, but chit chatty and the social circles are patterned, just right...

Hope what your own instincts suggest as solution, work for you.



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A little reminder: People's attitude changes dramatically when they hear one has mental health
problems,the first being a disappearing of any respect towards you (including manager). You
gotta do,what you gotta do. But if I were in your
place,I would keep mouth shut re anxiety etc.,and
let manager do work. If there is any comeback,
phone police,with your door closed. By all means
mention you are afraid of any comeback,and would
THEY phone police if he is banging your door.
You are NOT alone in this,building manager has
duty of care,and police are a only a call away.
God Bless,
BLUEDOVE

You definitely have a point. I want to make sure I consider all my options before making any rash decisions. I definitely have a lot to think about.

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I have some GOOD NEWS to report.

After the last incident that I reported my noisy neighbors from hell the following week were not home for long periods of time. When they did come home it would be late at night. Basically they were just using the apartment to sleep in and this pattern continued on.

Then today as I was leaving for work and I had the best surprise ever!

My noisy neighbors from hell that loved to play their sound system at IMAX levels for their movies and music HAVE MOVED!

Their patio furniture...GONE! Their entertainment system...GONE! Their apartment furniture...GONE! All that's left in the apartment is a bunch of trash!

I'M SOOO FREAKIN HAPPY NOW!

But this experience has made me realize my anxiety issues that I really need to work on. I'm truly grateful to all of you for giving me a place to turn to when I needed the support the most.

I think I feel some of your pain. My dad and I used to live in a flat, and right underneath us, lived an arrogant, obnoxious, selfish a-hole, who saw it fit to play loud, bassy music, have late, loud parties, and God knows what else, right underneath us. We tried reasoning with him, we tried the firmer approach, we tried the police and stuff. He tormented us for years. He stands as someone my dad and I hate very much. Times were tough as nails back then, but that PERSON made things so much worse for us. My dad was a single parent, for God's sake, working a job that needed him to have a decent night's sleep (dangerous work) but no, apparently this tit's music was more important. I was just a kid at the time, more or less, but I still kick myself for not standing up to him in some way; I feel like I let my dad down. The guy was some black belt karate expert or something, trophies and what-not... I guess it got to his head, and he felt it appropriate to treat people like rubbish. Oh well, we're not in a really nice place, with a lovely garden, and nice neighbours, so he can stick it where the sun doesn't shine.

PS by loud, I mean the floor/furniture rumbled at times. By late, I mean the early am, like 2-5am, on weekdays, this carry on went on for years. I HATE that, pathetic, ignorant man.

{ Kein Teufel }
Translation: Not a devil
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