[circles5]

well, yeah,

big argument today.
I wasn't in the best of moods - i got to day 4 cold turkey on cigarettes.. then failed..

anyhow, an argument happened.. my mum was very drunk.

- She said that me having OCD and being where i'm at now was all my fault and i needed to take responsibility.
She said; 'Who else got it there???' or something to that effect.

> I've had 40 hours of therapy to address my OCD and BDD.. I've spent four years since i was diagnosed trying to get better.,,, that's in fact all i've done for the last four years.

--

plus.
I view cigarettes as something that's really holding me back from being happy in my day to day…. - and she took that as a personal attack; explaining - she was perfectly fine smoking, did this, does that,,,,, so therefore it shouldn't be a problem for me.

feeling like ****.
I really don't know whats up…. i'm not better, still Fkd over by MY anxiety disorders {of my own devising:roll eyes:} and i'm smoking again, which is something that torments me every day.
Not coping well at all.

So now theres a massive argument on the go with my mum…
life sucks.

[circles5]

i also, explained one of the reasons i'm so upset…. {not that she wasn't familiar}

Was that i'm coming to the end of my therapy and i'm still not better..
I explained that 'I'm 25 and i still haven't ever even had a girlfriend or relationship…'
e.t.c.
and she replied; ' boo,hoo…'

mad angry tonight. not good.

[circles5]

oh yeah,,, , and i don't care for her or have any respect for her..

--

seriously, **** life.

[SparkyCat]

I really do feel your pain here. She was drunk, so she probably wasn't thinking properly, but still - it's never fun. But, you've got people here that you can talk to and perhaps your mum will need some time and careful treatment but at the end of the day she just may not get it. Mine don't understand my GAD and Depression at all.

[circles5]

cheers SparkyCat, it's difficult when parents don't get it. Sorry to hear you experience the same.
I've been considering asking her to do some reading on the topic, so she can get better aquatinted with what it is… both for her and my benefit..
Theres a book i'm reading on OCD that has a section devoted to the aspect of family members living with a relative with the condition e,t,c,
So i think i'll read that and then maybe see if we can come to a better understanding.

I find it infuriating though that my mum has OCD and BDD herself.. yet she tends to 'ignore' it as her way of coping with it.. and still suffers from it but kindo've just 'gets on with it'..
So she thinks that it's as simple as that.
In many ways she's 'adopted' her anxiety disorders as part of her personality.. as she believes she'd lose her creativity and personality quirks .. which is a very sad belief to hold.. as it prevents her from wanting to get better.

i admire her for getting on, but i always have wandered why she has just accepted it, and never tried to tackle it or reduce it's effect over her; and instead just let's it continue..

--

anyhow, today we're cool again.. which is good.
And i'm feeling a lot better.

i don't know your situation, but maybe you could try getting a better understanding together too?

take care,
Circles.

[-jimi-]

If I were you I'd be tempted to get even. Like I'd probably say I take responsibility, I want to get better and I tried, you on the other hand don't try, and you'd rather smash your feelings with a booze bottle.

But that's me. I'm mean like that at times.

[SparkyCat]

That really sounds even more familiar. The problem mine have is that my mum has the same diagnosis but with very different causes and they're assuming that my mum's experience is exactly the same as mine. So I've tried to help them understand but they just don't want to hear it. They already know and as far as they're concerned I just need to pick myself up and ignore it - pretend I'm happy!

It's good that you've talked to them and there's less animosity again. I'm giving mine time after my last visit home to process things but for the most part I've given up on them being supportive. That doesn't mean that you have to as well though.