[Harmacy]

Rumination is one of the biggest causes of my social anxiety and the reason I tend to stay quiet and not communicate much with others, even by text.

Almost everything I say, I end up obsessing over afterwards. I've even used dictionaries to look up words I've used to see if they're suitable or appropriate. It's an odd perfectionism / obsessional anxiety about saying something offensive. I know nobody else would possibly be as obsessed about what I say as I am but I still find it hard to stop.

Mindfulness helps a little to calm down but still doesn't stop the initial panicky feeling that I've just put my foot in it and offended someone or made myself look stupid.

I even have it a little bit writing posts on here. Although it isn't anywhere near as bad as offline, probably because nobody knows me personally.

[gayleggg]

Have you seen a therapist? That might help you sort out some of your obsessiveness and anxiety. I think mindfulness is a wonderful way to help yourself, but you might could use help in using it even more productively. Feel free to continue to post on here. Hoping it gets easier the longer you are here. Best wishes.

[CountingSheep]

Oh I hear ya. I've been gettin better at not really caring how I say things when im speaking to someone in person, as long as I'm not saying anything wrong of course. Talking to people online allows me to examine things before I send the message off and it stresses me out a bit. Sometimes if i've felt like ive said something wrong I'll beat myself up about it for hours afterwards.

What you need to try and keep in mind though, and what I've been working towards myself, is that as long as you're being open, honest, and friendly to someone any negative feelings they have towards you do not reflect on your character. If you try to make friendly conversation with someone and they're offended for some reason you need to ask yourself whats wrong with them, whats going on in their life at that moment that caused them to react that way to you being cheery.

Same thing applies to feeling like you've made yourself look stupid somehow. Most people are not going to tease you relentlessly because of that, and for the people that do you have to ask yourself if you really want approval from that kind of person in the first place.

[PianogirlPlays]

A lot of hurts have created a lot of anxiety. Makes me feel like hiding out! No place to go. What feels even worse is pain that is inwardly brought about by painful thoughts that actually create physical pain in my body.

I know what you mean too... I try not to obsess about it but also try to avoid people as much as possible. I think maybe it's not a cause of your social anxiety like you say but a result. But yeah, I'm very overly-self-conscious and it makes the way I interact even worse because it's so unnatural because I think way too much instead of just interacting normally and following my social instincts like most people do (because my social instincts are all wrong).

Seems like it would be better for me to act "weird" and just not be self-conscious about it, but it's easier said than done. I know a lot of people who are kind of socially awkward or whatever but they don't seem to be bothered by it and are still confident and relatively at ease in social situations - I wish I could be like that. Like you say I know everybody isn't super-focused on everything I say and judging me harshly but knowing that logically doesn't help so much. People actually give you and I more leeway than we give ourselves I think and that's part of the problem... like we feel whatever we said was 10-20 times more stupid than anyone would perceive it to be.

I think SSRIs can help if you're not on them... probably therapy too. I am not currently on meds or in therapy but it's helped with my social anxiety in the past. I'm on the booze and reclusiveness treatment currently.

Anyways I know how you feel. Try to deal with instead of becoming reclusive. A lot of it is a probably a confidence thing that therapy can help you with more than meds, but meds can help with the anxiety and help you overcome it.

[Harmacy]

Thanks for the replies. I was away with people this weekend and went on a date last week - both things I very rarely do and both big tests of anxiety / rumination.

I think I'm learning that I just need to get over the fear of being disliked and put myself around more people, more often. And as someone else said, being authentic is the key.

I'm actually feeling OK just for showing up and putting myself through it. The date was really nice and at the very least, I've got a good memory which wouldn't have happened if I'd not gone.

[lizzyjb]

I know what you mean. I have got a bad experience with a friend and although I know that the issue is her behaviour with other people, i am still thinking if I did something wrong