Help! It's University time

Hullo everyone, I know summer just started but I'm going to university in Fall and as excited as I am to start actually learning things in university, the whole prospect scares me.

A little background, I guess:

I'm an ex-pat and my family is very traditional. They don't like the prospect of someone being mentally ill in the family and having fears or anxieties will just be 'dealt with' on your own because you need to 'get over' your fears. I'm not saying they're not loving or anything but it's sort of a stigma.

My family brought me to a therapist for depression when I was younger but I used to act out whenever they tried to bring me to the office so they stopped. She wasn't able to diagnose me with anything because our time was short. In hindsight, I should have stayed with her and worked with her.

Back to the university,

it's a university where all my family's gone before and while I'm excited to be part of that, I don't think I chose the right university for me. When I went up to NorCal, we visited a few universities because my parents insisted on seeing the sights (touristy). That was after my SATs and I was offered a choice application in one of the universities we visited. I fell in love with the place and the students and the culture immediately. I tried talking to my parents about it and they absolutely refused to budge. They refused to let me go up to NorCal and sort of forced me to stay here in SoCal.

So the university I'm going to now just isn't like the other one. I've been to the required pre-orientation and met a bunch of my blockmates and batchmates. I haven't made any friends while my highschool friends already have. My hands are shaking as I type, but I'm afraid I'll be all alone when college hits and my mother keeps pestering me about making friends.

I'm afraid mostly of crowds and people, and well some other things that aren't related to this post. I'm fine if the crowd has something in common with me (like in a concert or a rally or a convention) but I have such a big problem going up to people and saying hi. I'm not sure how to approach them or what to say and it's very difficult to keep a conversation going because I'm very unsure of what they're going to do or say. Sometimes I keep on talking about something and they don't stop me so I really have difficulty communicating. So most of the time, I just don't at all.

I'm afraid of being alone and not having any friends and how different my college experience will be from my highschool. My highschool was relatively small and I was in AP classes so I had the same classmates since we started and even in elementary, we had "bubble rooms" for advanced students so I already knew everyone. This will be the first time that I'll be without anyone I know and it's extremely frustrating and scary and I really don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

PS My guidance counselor at school was absolutely useless. She would brush off everything I said and she was much too busy with all the other kids to notice. When I talked to her about my problems she always said something along the lines of "just get over it and talk to people".

I'm just like you and I'm still trying to figure how to be social and keep a conversation going. Maybe you could try to see a therapist before you move out and see how they can help you with your social skills. I hope you can overcome your social anxiety so you can have fun and learn some new things Good luck!

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it is your life.... if you are paying for it - go where ever you want. If you are depending on someone else to pay - then they have every right to put "restrictions" on you.

I would quit comparing yourself to your friends (you have never just "met" people easily so why would that happen now? They have practiced making friends and/or have the temperament and you apparently don't, that's not bad or anything, just "you") and get your mother off your back, telling her you will get to making friends when you are at school and it's more likely!

I think a lot of your anxiety is because it is all new and you don't know what will happen. That's okay! It will not be new forever and you will be with others in classes and places where it is easier to sit next to someone and ask them a question before a lecture or enter into a general discussion in smaller groups, etc. It will take time and opportunity though but is not different from your having made friends in elementary school and been friends with the people from your bubble on up through high school. Is anyone you know from your class in high school going to this school at all? You could talk to them, maybe hang with them when you get to college for a bit until you make friends with those in your block/batch? I had a friend going to my university but she was living off campus and I was living on campus but just knowing she was "somewhere" helped me a bit. I could talk to her when we were home on vacations, etc. if necessary.

I would put in a year or two, get your general courses out of the way and figure out more of what you want to study and then look at the other NoCal school later, see if you still want it and then transfer if you have been doing well overall and the price is something your parents can deal with (complete price, including having you further away and air/car trips to and from, etc.).

Like the making friends/not making friends and other new things in life, how a college/uni initially looks to us and how it turns out can be different things. I would practice making friends and working on my self-esteem, get a lot of the "boring" basic courses out of the way and figure out what I really want to study and then look for a good place to do that, based on my better knowledge and actual experience of what college is like and what I want/don't want, etc.

College = fun, freedom, time to be independent... ~I love college's life~

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Thank you so much! There are a few from my high school but they aren't really erm, the nicest people.

I'm in a summer class right now so I'm going to try to practice my people skills there.

I'll admit that change is really hard for me to cope with and university means new routines and new cycles and it's really difficult for me to do that.

Thank you very much for your help