[JustineB]

Hi...I stumbled across this website and I hope I can gain some knowledge and some suggestions on what I need to do to help my situation.

I am 37 and I relocated to another city about a year and half ago after living in the same place all my life. I had been dating a guy for 3 years and he moved to be closer to his children because his ex wife was relocated to a different air force base. We dated long distance for about 9 months then he asked me to marry him and I moved with him 2 months later. I have a 6 year old son and a 17 year old daughter who was going into her junior year of high school at the time. She did not want to move and stayed with my parents. Also, right before I moved, I found out that my father had cancer. So needless to say, it wasn't an easy transition from the very beginning. My fiance and I had our ups and downs since I moved here. I was so miserable for the first 6 months. I would cry for no reason. The smallest things irritated me. I talked to my fiance several times about how I was feeling but he just seemed aggitated and gave me the "When are you gonna get over it" attitude. As time moved on, I started to feel better but not like I needed to be. I found a couple of things that interests me that took my mind off the fact that I was missing being in my hometown and family. Pretty soon, I started to put the majority of my time into those things and my relationship has suffered. I wasn't cleaning the house, showing the kids any attention, etc. We had many arguments about this and came close to calling the relationship off. I would be ok for awhile but I always wind up going back into the same pattern of neglecting my responsibilites. For some reason, I felt it was helping me cope with moving and being away. I also notice how I fall back into a slump after I have came back from visiting my family. My last time I went home was for New Years Eve and I think I have been in my slump for the last few weeks. Well, I guess my issues have finally taken it's toll on my relationship. My fiance called off our wedding last night saying that he can't deal with it anymore. That he feels like he is carrying the whole relationship on his back. And he is probably right. I know that I haven't been emotionally here for awhile but I couldn't talk to him about it. All he sees is me being selfish and non caring. Its just ironic how I stood by him the first 3 years of the realtionship while he was putting me through the ringer while he figured out what he wanted and was getting himself together emotionally and now that I am the one who needs help and support, I can't get it. So my question is, are these symptoms of adult separation anxiety? And is counseling necessary or is this something that can be worked through with different techniques and exercises.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I would ask my doc for a recommendation for a therapist & then tell the therapist what you are dealing with & whether he/she could help.--Suzy

i'd go for therapy.....you need some help IRL>

[JustineB]

Thanks for your replies...

Actually me and my fiance go to couples counseling but I have never mentioned my problem to the counselor. I have had several panic attacks over the last year or so but kept them to myself. This past week I have had 3 so that is what prompted me to tell my fiance what is going on. I feel as though half my battle would be won if he would give me the support I need right now. He has always struggled giving emotional support. The main thing on his mind right now is calling off the wedding and stewing over how much money he has spent. That is very hurtful for me. Is it to unrealistic to think that with a couple of months of therapy that I will be mentally ready to get married? I think I have improved tremendously over this past year. Any and everything would make me emotional but I don't feel that way anymore.

i'd discuss that with my therapist. there's no way to guess on that one. i hope that things get a lot better for you and it all works out..........men are notorious for not being able to open up emotionally and also are slow on being supportive......some...not all.........xoxoxo pat

[Boopers]

I wanted to welcome you and wish you luck on the forum.

I hope someone will come along and answer your questions. I am very tired so I better not even try. It's two thirty in the morning here.
Hugs,
Boopers