[july2014]

Hello people currently I am feeling horrible because something that scares me happened. I was watching a program where there's a woman that is intentionally put a voiceover by a man (sounds like a man using a girly voice) and it's not the first time. I thought it was disgusting at first but after time my HOCD mind told me that I like it, and today I had this really weird state where my penis would erect at the minimum thing. I felt like a lot of tension in my penis and I needed to shake my body to relief it. At a point I felt so frustrated and with so much tension that I felt like fapping to it. I didn't but tried doing it a little bit just to try so I could check that I wasn't gay, and it felt like when you're just about to cum and you need to finish. So I got scared but a part of me wanted to do it, so I decided to fap to normal women in the internet. But when I started doing it I couldn't because I didn't feel the tension anymore. So I was thinking about the woman on tv and I got that tension and I could finish. I felt good about finishing finally but I didn't like it at all, I didn't even enjoy cuming. (I liked finishing on a normal woman but I didn't like on that woman on TV) It's not the first time. It really scares me to be gay and I always have this feeling that I can finish when I have that tension. I just plain hate it, and I try to end it by fapping to normal things.

I don't fear being gay because of not being accepted or anything, I just don't like it because I don't want to be one and that's it.

[glok]

Welcome to the Community, july2014. Do you think you might benefit from professional help to get your concerns sorted?

I wish you well.