Hey everyone,

So it seems I have a slight fear that I may or may not be able to control. See, I have this slight fear that my friends will end up leaving me and not caring. Now I know - in my heart - that it won't happen because my friend is a good person who actually cares, but sometimes my brain refuses to believe it.

Anyone got any ideas on how to make the stupid cynical part of my brain to shut up and stop interfering with my friendship?

[Travelinglady]

Hello, Aisukurimusukupu, and welcome to Psych Central! I think most of us might be concerned about this issue now and then, so if it's just a slight concern, then maybe when this thought comes up, you can say to yourself, "They are good friends" and then get busy with something else to get your mind off the topic.

[Stronger]

I know what you mean. Hypersensitivity to rejection is horrible. I just lost my best friend a few months ago.

Maybe if you were to tell yourself that your life and her life are two different objects in the universe. Yes there is a connection, but that doesn't mean they are the same thing. If you were to be separated, it would not be the end.
And also, as I'm sure you know, the more you worry about it the more worried you get. Maybe, every time a thought comes of "what if (s)he leaves", replace it with a memory of a good time you've had together.
Good luck!

[stuck1978]

This is a tough one for me too. It depends on where you live and your culture which does affect friendships. The Western cultures favor individualism more, so are individualists before they are friends with some exceptions.

Life often pulls people apart. A lot of my friends have families, and I'm still single. They have their own pastimes and responsibilities, and are often more comfortable spending time with other families.

People can move to different places, and even though there are often promises to keep in touch involved, most of them are not kept. Generally, long-distance relationships of any sort don't last very long.

In addition to this, sometimes people change internally and they have a need for new friends. I know this happened to me. I felt bad about not hanging out with my old friends, but doing so reminded me of the old me that was changing into something new.

It is best to learn to make new friends by placing yourself in situations where you can meet new people. This way you'll feel more confident about moving on in case your current friend pulls away for whatever reason.

Otherwise, try to shift your focus to a hobby or another activity without pushing these thoughts away. Just don't focus on them. If you push them away, they'll keep coming back stronger and stronger. If you don't, and simply go on with your day without focusing, they will eventually weaken.