[geisha75]

I need some help from my fellow anxiety sufferers. I've been unhappy with my city for years. The only benefits are my doctors (my psychiatrist is #1 on that list), less traffic, my hairstylist and the weather because I'm a weirdo who prefers cold weather. And there is the familiarity because changes tend to rile up the anxiety.

My husband's family is across the country in California. Every time I go out there, I already start dreading coming home. Sure it's hot all the time, but the environment makes me happier in so many ways. My in-laws do things and I'd have an opportunity to have more of a real life out there.

We now have an opportunity to move to CA and I don't have a lot of time to decide. These chances are pretty rare because it's hard to find a house that fits what we're looking for and is in a good price range. Well, my in-laws and I found one and it won't stay on the market for that long. My husband will move, but he wants me to be 100% certain because I tend to change my mind a lot and have a horrible time making decisions.

The answer would seem obvious, but I'm scared to leave my psychiatric nurse practitioner. I don't want to budge from what I'm taking now because 2012 was a year of near-constant panic. It ruined my life and after I switched my psych n/p and started going to my current one, I started getting better.

I don't want to upset the apple cart, so to speak. My medication regimen works and it can't be toyed with. I'll do almost anything to stay the way I am and avoid panic. We were talking 8 hour panic attacks that tormented me several times a week. Still, my psych n/p is in her 60s. How much longer will she work?

You would think I could find a doc who would keep me on the same meds, and maybe they would, but I'm almost certain they wouldn't agree to prescribe Klonopin at the dose I take. When needed, 1.5-2 mg (depending on how bad the situation is) is the only thing that works. I started off resistant to benzodiazepines. Past doctors tried all kinds of smaller doses of different ones and they did nothing. Klonopin is what works and a big reason why I recovered from the constant panic attacks (along with the addition of Prozac and a dosage change in my Lamictal).

Doctors are benzophobes nowadays. My father-in-law is a doctor so he does know more physicians and could probably find me someone decent, but I have no way of knowing if a new one would try and change my regimen. That can't happen.

Beyond that, there is the huge fear of change because while I may be in a rut, it's a familiar, somewhat comfortable one. I don't cope very well with change.

Any thoughts/comments/advice? Ideally we could keep our house here and I could come back to see my psych n/p and enjoy some of the colder weather once it comes, but we can't afford that! I would definitely have to leave my n/p because coming back that often wouldn't be an option.

My family does live here but we're not very close. I have no siblings and know it will fall to me to take care of my parents when they're elderly, but my mother-in-law (who is eternally positive) tells me I could bring them out there with us.

I'd really appreciate some feedback. Thanks for reading this book I wrote.

[Travelinglady]

Hey, geisha75. The move sounds like a good idea in many ways. Maybe you can share your fears with your nurse practitioner to see what she thinks. Perhaps she could go to bat for you with a new doc, but I'm not sure how that works.

As you say, though, you might find a doc who is willing to allow you to stay on what is working and not insist on any changes.

Best wishes!

[Vossie42]

Why not do video-conferencing with your n/p? There's Skype and Google Hangout. Both are free. You can use Google Hangout on your smartphone.