[mkat16]

Hi I have been jealous and mistrusting of people since I was a child, I think it came from my parents who were separated and very bitter and always telling me lies to get me on their side. Because of this I think I always distrusted people. Also because I never liked my family life I was always jealous of other people because I saw them as having better family or life in general(I know everyone has difficulties but in my child's mind this is how I saw it and now rationalise it but still have the emotions). I am in counselling as I suffer from anxiety and depression and it is often triggered by my jealousy and lack of trust. I am with a great guy for a few years, he is supportive and speaks openly about our future together. I know at my core that I can trust him but it is still hard, and I have often cause issues over my jealousy etc. A girl moved back recently who he used to work with and I know fancied him. He contacted her about meeting up, and now this is all I can think about. He is a very social person and likes everyone as he says there's no benefit in holding onto bad feelings towards people(he had an issue with her as she stole money in work), but as I can be quite bitter towards people it's hard for me to understand this and I often convince myself that it is because he is obsessed with her(or whoever at the time). I was better for a while but this sparked old insecurities, and now I've been tempted to go back to old habits like checking what he's doing all the time or not giving him space. I am trying to not be bothered by it but I'm also worried that he could keep things from me about her because he knows what I have been like in the past about similar things. I just want to let go of this jealousy and anger that is triggered by this and be happy. I don't want to just obsess and worry if he's out without me. I should also say again that I have always been like this with everyone so I think it's more stuff I need to learn to change(just don't know how), rather than underlying issues in the relationship(cause I know people may say that). I also just want to like and trust people more in general for the sake of being a happier person!

[Soul_Flower43]

Check out this guided Mindfulness Meditation!

This will help reduce the anxiety and jealousy you are feeling, which will lessen those thoughts. There is a lot of self-help workbooks out there for what you are going through. I am working on one for my PTSD and another for my Anxieties.

[Emmi7]

mkat16, I cannot tell you how much I understand (or at the very least empathize) with what you are feeling. I have been racked with a lethal combination of depression and anxiety, my anxiety often manifesting itself in all-consuming insecurity and low self-esteem and jealousy of whoever my partner is at the time. I am so sorry that you are going through this as I know how exhausting and stressful and terrifying it can be. I am also sorry that I have not really figured it out for myself yet either, although it has gotten much better for me over the years so I will say this at least: that while the painful feelings may be there, it IS possible for the way we cope with it to significantly improve, thereby granting you much more peace.