[IchbinkeinTeufel]

If you've seen my posts elsewhere and noticed it's the same sort of theme, yes, I'm sorry, I don't mean to go on about it, but it's a huge thing going on in my life right now, so I kinda can't help but to want to talk about it or something. Sorry if I'm being stupid or annoying.

This is serving as an update on how things are going having recently moved out (at last) and into supported housing for those with medium-to-severe mental health issues and a need/desire to seek independent living. I'm not going to lie, I could do with the support (from you guys, I mean) I don't actually know what I mean by that.. just.. if anyone has any bits of wisdom to share, or have a similar thing going on, or even just stories that are relateable.

I'm possibly feeling a little bit more at ease or "at home", here... not greatly, just a little bit. I've used the microwave, made a few cups of tea, been out in the garden, even sat in the living-room. I feel like I'm cheating, with the other guy rarely ever being here, but at least I'm doing some stuff I used to do.

Sleep isn't too bad, if you don't count the headaches; I actually think what the guy here is smoking ("weed" ) is crap and affecting me as a result. :| Only thinking that because so far every time he has shown up, I've felt like crap (headaches, at one point hot sweats, and even mild nausea; although this could be put down to overall stress, exhaustion, even dehydration, and Raid spray) The guy here is actually awesome, or so he seems; I'm still wary of him.

Next mission is to get my *** to the shops, but the anxiety or whatever it is keeps stopping me. :| I guess I don't feel safe here. Everything's different. I'm very much a creature of habit. Unfamiliarity and/or uncertainty freaks me out. It's so stupid, or so it feels. The shop is mere seconds away, and it's not like I've never been in there before. Just the fact that it's a different cash machine gets me as well; something so stupidly simple like that worries me, just because it's a different cash machine than the one I usually use. I guess I'm worried I'll do something wrong and look like an idiot? Yeah, 'cause everyone's gonna care how I use a cash machine. ¬_¬ I don't get my brain.

I don't understand social anxiety; it's stupid. Half the time I don't even know why I get so anxious and freak out. I feel like such an idiot that I tend not to tell people and ask for help, more so, if I ask for help, it's in such a way that I disguise WHY I'm asking for help. The many times I've asked my dad if he's going to the shops, when I really mean "Can you take me to the shops because I'm being an idiot and freaking out over nothing?" ¬_¬ I feel so pathetic and useless.

Sorry for that; didn't expect it to be a rant-thing.

PS
Not saying y'all are idiots or pathetic or whatever (you're not, on both accounts) it's just how I feel about myself, personally, and I know it's perhaps illogical because it's not my fault I'm like this, and bad mental health doesn't necessarily make someone an "idiot".

[StarFireKitty]

Congratulations on getting into your new home. I'm sure your cups of tea and walks in the garden a truly satisfying and peaceful feeling to you. I understand being in a new home it's sometimes challenging to sleep well at first, I am sure you will become accoustomed to the sounds etc. and soon be gently drifting into happy restful sleep.

Wishing you the very best in your new home and environment.

[unaluna]

Im picturing you in one of the little flats on Coronation Street. Im sure Norris is waiting for you to visit his little news shop!

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

xD Scary. Actually just went to the shops, alone, and got a load of foodz; feeling pretty proud, stupid as that probably is. Was pretty anxious, though, but somehow pushed through it.. perhaps through necessity and hunger, or maybe stubbornness! xD

1 me | anxiety 0