[IchbinkeinTeufel]

OK, here's the dealio...

I went to college when I was a teen, and failed miserably. I went again, failed miserably. I didn't fail the courses, I just failed to attend. On paper, I might just look like another lazy dropout, but I wasn't, I was really struggling with anxiety and OCD, I just didn't know about it properly. Anywho, some years went back, ... many years, actually, and here I am again, thinking of going back to college, again. I'm in supported housing, receiving financial support, registered as "disabled", and I've got my hobbies mostly in check, ... maybe now I could handle it?

How do you guys cope? Can you cope? Could I cope? I've got Propranolol which does aid in the physical side of things, but not the mental side at all. I'm not sure how to go about this, but I'm planning on going to the college and seeing an adviser or something.

Any tips? Anything? The following things are worrying me, as well...

1. How will I manage walking through town to the college every college day. (part time course, for GCSE English since I screwed that up at school, thanks to bullying and MH problems)

2. How will I deal with being stuck in a room full of people I don't know. (that freaks me out a bit, to be honest - I remember last time, I got really anxious and couldn't concentrate at all; I got damn near zero work done -.-)

3. What happens if I can't deal with it? Or if my sleep or something gets worse and I end up missing the days. Going there with only a couple hours sleep makes my anxiety much worse, for some reason, not to mention the obvious lack of concentration from being sleep deprived.

4. What if I just can't focus because of the OCD/anxiety, which is a very big possibility.

On the bright side, I'm great at English, thanks to obsessing over it for so long, so at least I don't have to think too much. When they start bringing in all the fancy terminology, it might be a problem. I've learned a lot about terminology from studying German, so hopefully that'd tide me by. Problem is, I know what a main clause and subordinate clause is in German, but in English? I can only try to transfer the idea in my mind over to another language, but I don't know at what point it changes. In German, there are subordinating conjunctions, which is a word that starts a subordinate clause; these are the sort of things I'd struggle with, unless they know some German and can help me translate it over. lol Hopefully my grammar and spelling alone will take me up to a high grade; it would also let me get into another course, so... could be good for me.

Shame I'm 28, though. ¬_¬ I feel like either I, or my mental health, has taken away the years I should've had to get a decent education and job... instead I've spent that time trying to sort myself out.

[Hobbit House]

what is your motivation for going back? Is it for yourself or to please family or friends? Do you see yourself using your degree? Could you handle being in the workforce? These are the questions you need to ask yourself... I can't answer those questions for you. Only you can. Personally I would love to go back to school but deep down I know I couldn't handle toe crowds, the deadlines, the anxiety! Just not for me anymore. Anyway I hope this helps!

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

It's for me, for my future, to get my out of the house, to help me feel like I've accomplished something that is officially recognised.

Degree? It's just a GCSE I'm going for... a degree is a whole different kettle of fishies.

Being in the workforce? Depends on the job and the house, I think, hence the financial support, benefits, and supported housing. xD

The whole point of it being part time, is that it's very subtle and gentle; it'd could ease me into things. It could be that it goes really well, I get stronger, and could thus do more.

I took a stab at "working" a lil while ago. I took a volunteer job, an outside one, and that went OK, until my sleep got bad, and my anxiety/OCD got worse, and so... yeah, it's just impractical for me to work something like full-time, because I can't consistently stay strong. I might manage a week and be all strong, then something can come up or my mental health just randomly ends up declining, then where does that leave me? I doubt an employer would want someone as unreliable as me. I'm not really thinking about work right now, anyway, that's something else entirely; I've no desire to bite off more than I can chew, as I do have to actually consider that it could make me worse.

but deep down I know I couldn't handle toe crowds, the deadlines, the anxiety! Just not for me anymore.

Tell me about it! It's why I chose that particular volunteer job.. there's just a few elderly people, we do some gardening and what-not... it's out in the coutryside, in some beatiful places. I haven't been in ages. :\

But yeah, the college is in town, which I hate because it means people, noise, cars, and possibly unpleasant people I once knew. But, it's familiar, and when it comes to anxiety, ... dunno about you guys, but I find familiarity lowers anxiety a lot more than it would be if it were unfamiliar territory.

[Hobbit House]

I agree, familiarity does lower anxiety for me, Maybe you could start out with just a few classes and see how it went. I hope it works out for you!

[dwfieldjr]

My you could do a degree online through a community college.

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[Mustkeepjob32]

I know you like languages and like you, I'm fluent in another language besides English. I also know all the grammar rules in Spanish like subjunctives and other fun stuff but am less versed in English about it so I hear what you're saying.

I would try one class for a semester/quarter. That will be low stress and will get you familiar again with the college atmosphere.