[BeaFlower]

I have a phobia for an animal...I'd prefer not to say which one, for privacy online...but unfortunately it's an animal that it's very easy to meet walking in the streets. What scares me more is when, for some reason, I have to stay in a place outside without moving, for example eating in a restaurant outside on sitting on a pank, and these animals come near. This not only ruin moments that I could enjoy, but also make me feel uncomfortable with people, like my relatives, that don't understand why I'm so scared and I keep looking around and sending them away instead of relaxing, and sometimes they tell me to stop I'd prefer not to have to do this, because it's embarrassing for me in front of people, but I can't avoid it. I mean, it doesn't seem me difficult to understand that if I have a phobia it's not my fault. Hope not to seem harsh, but it happened also recently and I really remained badly.
How can I do to make them understand? In those moments I'm to 'busy' with my phobia to start a conversation, and when the moment passes I don't know how to do without it seems that I want to quarrel...and however I always feel that it would be useless to try to explain and I renounce.
Any suggestions? Thank you in advance

[Agentfyre]

It's very difficult for many people to be understanding of phobias, especially when it's of something they have so little fear of themselves. To them, they feel like "why can't you just get over it?"

There's two things that come to mind for me. The first is that if you want others to understand how you feel, you need to tell them how you feel. For them to understand they have to really know what kind of paralyzing fear you really experience. But the only problem with this is that the person also has to WANT to understand. If they write you off or give you little chance to explain your feelings, then it may be impossible for that person to truly understand what you're going through until they decide to want to know.

The other thing that came to mind is that phobias are definitely treatable. Especially one where you encounter the source of your phobia often, I'd highly recommend seeking out that treatment. You don't have to live with that extreme fear, therapy can do a lot for that nowadays. I hope that gives you some kind of hope.

And know that we're here for you as well.

[BeaFlower]

Thanks Agentfyre, you are really kind About therapy, I don't know...I'm already thinking to see someone for OCD, but I didn't decide yet, also because it's difficult for me to tell it to my parents...and it would probably require time. To add also therapy for phobia...I don't know.
If you had therapy for a phobia, can you tell me something about your experience, for example how it works and how long it has been? Also with PMs if you want.
Thanks again for answering

[Agentfyre]

I don't think I need to use PMs yet since I'm not yet sharing anything personal. But you're also welcome to send me one if you want, and I'll do the same if I want to share something private. Thanks!

If you're planning to see someone for OCD, that same person may be able to treat phobias as well. It doesn't necessarily have to take more time. Unless you're talking about a psychiatrist or doctor, there's no medication that I'm aware of for phobias, though some medication can help with the anxiety that accompanies them.

As for treatment, well, it may sound scary, but it usually revolves around confronting the object that triggers fear. Don't jump too far ahead though and decide that that would be way too overwhelming. It would be, if the therapist isn't smart about it. A good therapist will take time, take things slow. You'd start by discussing what scares you, she'd want to understand where the fear may have started and may have caused it. Over time, as you begin to trust her, she can help you manage anxiety while discussing that object. Over time, as you become more and more comfortable discussing it, and after discover the roots of that fear, you may be at a point where you can slowly confront the object itself and regain control of your life in those situations.

But again, I can't emphasize enough how this should be a slow process. No one, not anyone who's good at what they do anyways, will require you to start confronting your fears without first spending a lot of time giving you ways to take care of yourself in those situations. I hope that helps, and doesn't leave you with fear of the therapy.

I also encourage you that there's no need to tell your parents whatever you don't want to. Even if you were a minor, the parents don't have to be informed of everything the client is doing, although in that event they would at least have a right to know the diagnosis. But a good therapist, even then, would encourage parents to respect your privacy since that only promotes good therapy rather than destroying it.

If you're not a minor, then you can just say, "I want to talk someone to deal with personal stuff," and leave it at that. No one has the right to remove your personal privacy.

Does that help at all? Really, good luck. I hope you can find the help you need without any hassle. Also, feel free to use this here or even PMs if you want for additional support. That's why we're all here!

[BeaFlower]

Thanks Agentfyre, you are wonderful Actually, I didn't like the idea to do therapy because I knew more or less that you have to face the object of your fear, and yes, it sounded overwhelming. But you are right, with a good therapist and going slowly maybe it wouldn't be...I'll think about it. But probably I'll think before to OCD, that is my major problem.
I just hope to find the courage to tell to my parents that I want to go...it's since a long time that I'd like to do it, but I never decide. My fear is that they don't accept that I don't want to tell them the reason.
Thanks for answering again, really Good luck also to you with your issues

[Agentfyre]

Thank you! And I'm glad I could help. Let me know how things turn out. It can be real hard to let others know that we want to seek help, especially parents many times. Just remember to make this decision for you, not for them. If you need help, go get it! If that makes them angry or disappointed, then they probably don't understand. But at least you can take care of you.

[summerblueskies]

Originally Posted by BeaFlower

I have a phobia for an animal...I'd prefer not to say which one, for privacy online...but unfortunately it's an animal that it's very easy to meet walking in the streets. What scares me more is when, for some reason, I have to stay in a place outside without moving, for example eating in a restaurant outside on sitting on a pank, and these animals come near. This not only ruin moments that I could enjoy, but also make me feel uncomfortable with people, like my relatives, that don't understand why I'm so scared and I keep looking around and sending them away instead of relaxing, and sometimes they tell me to stop I'd prefer not to have to do this, because it's embarrassing for me in front of people, but I can't avoid it. I mean, it doesn't seem me difficult to understand that if I have a phobia it's not my fault. Hope not to seem harsh, but it happened also recently and I really remained badly.
How can I do to make them understand? In those moments I'm to 'busy' with my phobia to start a conversation, and when the moment passes I don't know how to do without it seems that I want to quarrel...and however I always feel that it would be useless to try to explain and I renounce.
Any suggestions? Thank you in advance

Hi again Beaflower I had friends, acquaintances and people in my own family who didn't understand my fears. I was told "you're going to need to get over that sooner or later" or "why are you afraid of X? I love X!" and other sorts of unhelpful "advice" so I know how annoying it is! Do you have anyone you can talk to in real life about this? Maybe that would help.

[BeaFlower]

I told to some friends that I trust that I have this phobia, so when we are outside together they know that there is this problem. They are kind about it, but they can't really help. But at least I talked with someone.
Thanks for answering

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Hiya, Bea.

I'm in a similar boat, ... kind of. CBT didn't help me, but it might help you; it's a common treatment for phobias/OCD.