[SocielAnxiety50544]

Hello, I have social anxiety. I'm currently in high school, and I'm 15. I really hate it there now. I always feel scared and uncomfortable around people unless if I know them really well. It's kind of ridiculous, and it makes me feel like I'm gonna die alone.

Sophomore year I finally came up with the idea of going to a psychologist for treatment. A few problems have occurred, though. My father can't afford it without insurance. Most places don't accept my insurance. Second is that I contacted Miami Children's Hospital. They accept the insurance, but it'll take a really long time to get an appointment. They also want to prescribe me drugs. My father is against the idea, and he has no where else to try and is not willing to do anything else.

I am suffering, and I am considering suicide. The only thing preventing myself is my religious belief of going to Hell if I commit suicide. I think about it often, though.

I really need help, and I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I'm in so much mental pain. help me

[CosmicRose]

Well it doesn't really matter where you go because usually they all just throw drugs at the problem. So it doesn't matter how many therapists or hospitals you go to, the end game plan will always involve medication because that's all they are trained to do, other than talk therapy.
I also suffered from social anxiety in high school and was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. You need to realize that other people do not care enough to judge you at school, nor do they really pay attention to anything you might be doing - that is the main cause of the anxiety, feeling like people are judging you, they aren't. And if they are it's because they feel the exact same way you do that they have to scope out other people to judge, so it doesn't matter anyway. This is your life and you need to do what feels right to you. You will never see these people again once you leave the school when you graduate. Literally, you will never see these people for the rest of your life but you're allowing them to make your life a living hell right now emotionally.
Try to live in the moment, and not in anticipation of tomorrow or next week or next year.
Everyone is in the same boat as you, and others have their own fears that they deal with on a daily basis just like you. So that might help put your mind at ease.

[lauralost]

School sucks, but CosmicRose is right, these people are not that important. Anxiety is irrational, I know it's hard to deal with it. I'll link you this article, it's pretty good stuff.
"No one really cares that much about what you’re doing. People are highly self-absorbed."

[Ozisl]

You certainly aren't alone. The first time I attempted suicide (thankfully rather incompetently) was the night before 6th grade started because I didn't want to deal with those people.

I was terrified of being put on drugs in high school... but don't let that fear let you fall into more harm. And it isn't drugs that will solve things; there are individual and group therapy methods that are important and sometimes offered for free by local NAMI groups. Also, maybe try to find groups outside of school that you can control your exposure to.

As practical advice... insurance and family are the two things that have kept me from living on the street. My psych bills - just co-pays - are about half of what I earn. If you wait too long and fall off your parent's policy, it will be hard getting back on regular treatment.

Can you start with your regular doctor, explain the situation, and get referral from them.