[CrystalSteph]

Hello everyone,

***INTRODUCTION:
I know I've talked about this before on here regarding how I have a driving anxiety. Driving is something I've always wanted to learn but was too afraid to, or was not taught at an early age. Maybe it also has to do with that fact that I am an overall nervous person, and have a bit of social anxiety as well. I am now 23 years old and my husband taught me how to drive last year. I drove alone like a few times to near by places last year back when we use to live in the country side.But, I usually drive with my husband and it is always a bit hectic, I drive him crazy because I get so nervous. He's the only person in this world who has put effort to teach me how to drive. I am generally an ok driver, I am just anxious/nervous I get blank minded not sure what to do at times, not a confident driver at all..and this is what maybe me a not so good driver. I don't practice enough, I avoid it. I always have it in my mind but its a dark image, and I've never even been in a car accident before or anything like that I am just afraid of the "what-if".

We have now moved to the city, we live in a neighborhood where there is a lot of traffic, roudy people..commotion. I freak out!! I mean, this anxiety is driving me crazy. All I have in my mind right now is "I have to drive soon.. I'm afraid to, what if this happens.. what if I get stuck and don't know what to do"
Yesterday I drove with my husband in rush hour and I ended up giving him the car because I was so nervous that I was making him nervous.

****FOCAL POINT:
Where we live at you have to parallel park, that is the only parking with have in our house, which is in a block where there are a lot of other people. And this is the hardest type of parking I have trouble with. A few days ago, my husband gave me the car and I was trying to parallel park right in front of my house and I didn't know what to do and it was a pretty big space compared to other times. So, I felt so embarrassed I am sure other people were looking.. they probably thought I was drunk or too dumb and don't know how to park.

TOMORROW, my husband decided he's going to take public transportation because its going to rain/snow and the weather is going to be too rough to drive and his job is about an hour away. He asked if I can drop him off at the subway station in the morning and then pick him up at the station at night. This is about a 10 min drive without traffic from home, it is not that bad but I am soooooooo nervous!!! I will put calm music, it helps me but still I am just so nervous, all I keep thinking about is being alone in the car, and having to come back home to parallel park (Which probably won't be too bad because everyone is going to be working in the morning so I will have a lot of space to park -->maybe..) But I am so nervous, of someone seeing me and I'm there struggling parking, they would laugh .. I'm nervous of crashing,being stopped by the cops, nervous of everything. My heart is pounding so fast, I can't even breathe right.

***ME RAMBLING:

I HATE feeling like this, last time I broke down and my husband saw me and he said its okay I just need more practice, I love him for being patient but he knows that I should be driving by now, he says I don't practice and don't put enough effort to learn. I have my license, I have insurance, I should be able to do this but I can't control this anxiety..I feel like a failure, my husband sister is coming soon to stay with us next week and shes like 6 years younger than me and she loves to drive..you have no idea of how shameful I feel. I need to get over this by tomorrow. Perhaps, I can practice tonight ..I don't know, I just feel like this is one of those things I won't overcome because of how nervous I am and this runs in my family..my mom doesn't know how to drive nor one of my sister's because they're very nervous people too. But, I actually want to take a stand for this I want to accomplish this and become a successful woman..I'm just so afraid of everything.

[CrystalSteph]

Should I drink something to calm me down, is there something for nerves/anxiety?

I can't believe I'm thinking like this.. I've never wanted to depend on something or consume to something to feel a certain way. I've always thought it's just a state of mind and tuned in to meditation,calm music. But, this is something serious. I know the fear I have, I am making it bigger than what it ought to be but I can't help but to feel this way.
My husband said we can go practice a little tonight before tomorrow, its going to be at night time but at least I'll have some wheel time before driving alone tomorrow for my first time here. I hate that while driving I am surrounded by other cars/people and they have no idea that I am yet learning, so if I drive too slow or make a mistake they pressure me. Everyone else seems to confident and at ease, I know we all have to start somewhere and no one is born knowing, but my mind gets the best of me..it fails me at times when i get nervous as it just literally goes blank. I just want to be peaceful about this.. and it's not only this, now my anxiety is escalating to other things like when I am home alone I fear, walking to the market as well. It's not like hey, well if you get anxious while driving try walking.. because even going out I feel anxious..It's not even because of the new city and the fact that I dont know many people here, ive always been a nervous person sometimes more than other times..just at things I tend to fear..