New situation causing panic

I've written here before about how I'm obsessed with my husband's first wife, and have feelings of inferiority regarding her. I understand it really has nothing to do with her, it's my own feelings of worthlessness, but I can't get over it.

My husband has several boxes of photographic slides from the years when he was with her. I admit back when we were first married, I looked through them when he wasn't home because I had to know what she looked like. There are photos of them on their honeymoon, and other photos of her. These slides are in the garage, and I don't think he's looked at them in years.

What's causing my current panic: For Christmas, my husband got me a device to digitize negatives and slides and put them on your computer. He said it's for digitizing all the photos we have of our kids when they were growing up, which were taken with a film camera. Yesterday he said, "Let's put some negatives in that machine." Then he said, "And I have all those old slides."

I freaked out. I changed the subject and distracted him, but I can't stand the thought of him looking at those photos of his ex-wife and having them on his computer where he can look at them all the time.

I am in such a panic over this, I feel sick to my stomach. I know it's stupid but I don't know how to deal with it.

Instead of hiding your feelings from your husband try and have a serious discussion with him on this topic. Tell him what are your thoughts about this and make him understand how you feel. Hiding your feelings will only make it worse for you at least, don't worry what he will say, he loves you and will understand.

Now, it is very important the way to tell him all about this. Don't make an argument about this, just try to express your feelings in a calm and normal way.

Also choose your moment just right. Talk to him when he is calm and happy, in a good mood.

Remember communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Without it everything is in fog.

Take care and be positive!

Thank you for responding, Daniel. I know it sounds sensible to talk to him about it, but I don't think I can do that. For one thing, my jealousy and obsession about his ex is a symptom of a deeper problem I have with lack of self esteem and feelings of worthlessness. It really isn't about her. I have told him about my feelings of worthlessness before, and he didn't understand. Also, sometimes if he knows something bothers me, he will do it on purpose to get a reaction out of me, so I don't like to admit any weaknesses. What I need to do is develop inner strength and self esteem.

Think back to the past, years ago, when you had another boyfriend. Put yourself in your husband's position - just imagine you had a box of old photos of you from your younger years and an ex boyfriend. Would you be more interested in just seeing how you looked, the nostalgia of it all, how different the times were? Etc...I'm saying his reasons for wanting to use the photos or view them could have much more to do with him and very little if at all to do with the ex girlfriend.
Just because he might want to view the old pictures again does not mean he has any feelings tied to them whatsoever. It would be like if you looked in your old yearbook pictures just out of curiosity.
I know you don't mean to but you're putting yourself through emotional torment for no good reason. There's really no point to it. You're creating a huge issue out of something very tiny. Think about it - this could be no problem to you at all. How nice would that be? Giving absolutely zero thought about it, not even a second thought, just moving on and continuing your nice day without a care in the world, enjoying your husband, without dwelling on something that happened 20 years ago. Wouldn't that feel much better? You can, you don't have to think about this for another minute.
And you and your husband can actually enjoy pictures from his younger days together without a tinge of jealousy. It should be a heartwarming experience to see his life back then. You're just focusing on one negative aspect and allowing it to color your entire view of the situation when it could be a totally different experience.

By the way, men don't deal well with women's emotional issues. I would definitely keep the feelings of unworthiness to myself next time, guys have a different way of thinking about them, if he's married to a woman he loves he won't understand why she can't love herself too.

Thank you for your very comforting and sensible words, CosmicRose. You are right, I am blowing it up into a huge problem when no problem should exist at all. I don't have to think about it. This isn't a threat to me.