[tz90]

I'm talking about questions about your private life, hobbies, interests and so on.
Normally I just give generic answers or try to avoid answering at all.

But there is one case, that has left me struggling for quite a while now.
It was in an introductory round of an English class at university.
The course was held in a small classroom fitting about 30 people, so it was a bit more interactive than the usual lectures.
In the first meeting, our teacher asked each one us a more interesting and personal question to introduce ourselves.
The others did quite well, but I was already starting to get nervous...

When it was my turn, she was wondering what to ask me.
Finally, she asked me what kind of a boyfriend I am.

And with that question, I was immediately reminded of how I fail to attract a girlfriend.
I started feeling miserable, depressed and also physical pain in my chest.
I was a nervous wreck, reminded that my whole behaviour and the way I talk is somehow repulsive to others. It's why I had given up on finding a partner years ago after dozens or so failed attempts.

I couldn't the truth, that I have no idea really and that I'm inexperienced.
It's abnormal for people of my age to be this way.
The others were looking at me and after a couple of seconds I just mumbled, that I would care for my girlfriend.
I was embarrassed, and she could tell I wasn't feeling alright so she quickly followed up with another question that was easier to answer.
It's not her fault, she couldn't know about my issues.

This situation has made a huge blow to my self-esteem.
I don't know, these questions constantly remind me of my life frustrations.
What do you think about it and how would you have answered?

[sideblinded]

(((tz90)))

I read your post and it reminded me of my embarrassment when I had to give speeches or be a lead in a group of people back in school. I remember that awful feeling. I am sorry that you went through that. I think that was a personal hard question. Of course she didn't know it would cause you such discomfort but you handled it the best way you could at the time. You were probably at a loss of words and said the first thing that would not disclose the truth. I am not so sure that I would have given such a truthful answer as our issues are not everyone's business. You did great under the circumstances. Way to go.

[tz90]

Thanks for your input sideblinded.
I try not to beat myself up over it too much, but this one has hit the nail on the head by reminding me that I'm a failure basically while I'm supposed to make my first impression.

It's weird, just by writing about it this incident sounds somewhat funny and not like such a huge deal anymore
The thing is, that something like this happens almost everytime I leave my room and interact with open people. Then, when I go home I start hating on myself and the whole idea of stepping outside my comfort zone seems counterproductive.
And yes, it's the same thing with holding presentations.

[CosmicRose]

Don't worry, if it makes you feel any better, the other people in the classroom might have assumed you had just gotten out of a relationship, had just broken up with someone, or was just broken up with, meaning they probably didn't even think it had to do with any sort of anxiety but rather a personal circumstance. That's kind of a personal question to ask in a college setting anyway.
I'm going to college next semester and I really hope they don't do things like that when I go.

[CANDC]

TZ90, you did fine. I have 20-20 hindsight meaning I can see perfectly well after the fact what I should have done. Here at PC there is a lot less should haves and that is helping me let go of them.
Another approach to such a personal question if you have a quick mind is humor.

What kind of boyfriend would you be?
Like Superman to Lois Lane.
Everyone would probably laugh and you could remember the laugh and not the awkwardness.

Or ask a question? Who would the girl be? Gives you time to think.

Or Next Question please! That might get a laugh too. Those kind of things are to break the ice. Teacher should have picked a more generic question in my opinion.

Sounds like you are already finding how discussing things can defuse things. Maybe next time you go out and get back to your room you might try going on Psych Central (PC) and post something rather than "stew" about it. Just an idea.