[gizmo87]

Hi, everyone.

I've known for a long time that I have a problem with anxiety but have never done much about it. Things would bounce back and forth and I'd have a stretch where I was really good and it would creep back. Over the past several months, it's been about the same and I'm finding it hard to do things I need to do.

I should mention up front that I'm an ACOA and a survivor of verbal and physical abuse. I've been dealing with a long-term injury sustained last year and it requires me to jump through a bunch of hoops to get help and I'm struggling. I know what I need to do but find it an insurmountable task to even think about taking action. I feel my body shutting down and I get weak. I had thought maybe I was trying to ignore everything and maybe it would go away, but that obviously doesn't solve anything.

If I could sum it up in one example, it would be this - I need to place a phone call to someone I've never spoken with to take care of something. I dread it for a few days and work my way up to where I tell myself I'm going to do it. It still takes a couple of hours before I can and I try to find some way out of doing it. There's nothing I can do, so I make the call. I become numb and feel all the blood rush to my head, my hearing starts to fade, I become scatterbrained, and I almost totally lose focus. This is before anyone even answers the phone. When I have to talk, it takes everything I've got to keep things straight and I begin choking on my words. My voice gets real soft and I feel like I'm going to pass out. I begin coughing, struggling to breathe, and my mouth gets dry. At some point, things become easier and it's usually after I find that they're not threatening. Even so, I still feel awkward and I can't pick up and do it again when I'm done. I tell myself "that's good enough for one day".

I also find it difficult to go anywhere by myself (work was the exception), and I've missed several good opportunities because I interview about like how I make a cold call on the phone. I'm sure it's a spectacle to behold in person. Oddly enough, there are some situations where I can banter with a couple people at a time out of nowhere and feel mostly comfortable, but it's only in a social and informal manner.

Help?

[jelly-bean]

Your post sounds like something I could have written. I know exactly how you feel but I can't offer you any help for it. I haven't found any yet.