[CosmicRose]

I was listening to a doctor talk about panic and anxiety. He said basically the worst thing you can do if you have anxiety is to fight it. He said the best thing to do is to let it pass over you without resistance at all.

This really spoke to me because I've spent years fighting with my anxiety. I've fought it with everything from alcohol to medications. He said since its a normal human emotion and it's built into our survival response and adrenaline, fighting it is futile and will make it worse. It's like fighting fire with gasoline.

I was so terrified of feeling the uncomfortable symptoms of it, instead of just allowing it to be present so that it can wash over me and pass faster. Sort of like being in the eye of the storm. You need to remain calm and let it pass without judgement, because it will pass, you don't need to reach for anything to quell it, it will quell on it's own. The only time this becomes a problem is if you keep fighting it down, beating it down and then fearing it which creates its own paradoxical cycle.

His name is Dr. Harry Barry (I'm not affiliated with him at all, just found his video on youtube in case anyone wants to look into this themselves).
This was the best piece of advice I've ever gotten.
None of my doctors told me this. None of them told me to not fight it.

All of the doctors I've had in the past have actually fueled my fear because they made it into this big deal, they wanted to medicate me, they treated it like a disease, they did everything possible to try to fight it. Didn't work at all, made it much worse, in fact.
So for anyone out there who has been struggling with anxiety, please don't try to fight it, allow it, and realize that even though "the symptoms are uncomfortable, they are not dangerous".
This will allow it to not have so much control over you. I wish someone told me this sooner.

Any attempts to resist it makes it worse. He even said breathing into a paper bag makes it worse because you're telling your body you need to do something to make it pass when really, you don't. The resistance makes it worse.

[kaliope]

thanks for posting this.....it is great information.....i did a workbook that taught pretty much the same thing........

[CharlotteJ]

This sounds in line with the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy approach?

[CosmicRose]

Originally Posted by CharlotteJ

This sounds in line with the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy approach?

I've never heard of that before, but it sounds right. I think it comes down to allowing yourself to feel all the terrible symptoms of anxiety and being totally okay with it at the same time. If you're in a very anxiety producing situation, allowing yourself to feel the heart racing without those thoughts of "oh no, oh no, its coming, everyone will notice I'm nervous." allowing yourself to even shake or stutter without that intense feeling of judgement.
Allowing it to be okay for these things to happen, no matter who is around.
A big part of anxiety is the fear of anxiety itself, and the constant running away from it or even dwelling on it.

Normalizing anxiety and the symptoms of anxiety, telling yourself its okay for you to feel that way, its okay for others to notice you're anxious, it's okay for your physical reactions to happen, not judging yourself or trying to hide it. Imagine having a panic attack and then saying to yourself "That's okay. I'm okay. No big deal. Everyone saw that, no big deal. I can get back to my day or whatever I was doing." and truly feeling that acceptance, instead of, for lack of a better word, sulking in it.

I think the allowance and acceptance of it will lessen the anxiety episodes over time.

[Love&Toil]

subbing as this is an interesting topic

[CharlotteJ]

Definitely, CR.

ACT is a lot about not judging and labelling feelings as "good" or "bad" and not fighting to get RID of challenging or difficult feelings. It's about noticing them, allowing them to be, allowing them to pass in their own time. It doesn't mean never taking constructive action (like going for a walk or listening to calming music) but it's about accepting that ALL feelings are okay and not inherently something to get rid of or "fix"...

I had to do years of CBT (and make some progress but still struggle a lot) before I'd consider such an approach, though... I can't imagine still fighting to change all the challenging feelings - so draining and like smacking your head against a brick wall!

[CosmicRose]

Originally Posted by CharlotteJ

Definitely, CR.

ACT is a lot about not judging and labelling feelings as "good" or "bad" and not fighting to get RID of challenging or difficult feelings. It's about noticing them, allowing them to be, allowing them to pass in their own time. It doesn't mean never taking constructive action (like going for a walk or listening to calming music) but it's about accepting that ALL feelings are okay and not inherently something to get rid of or "fix"...

I had to do years of CBT (and make some progress but still struggle a lot) before I'd consider such an approach, though... I can't imagine still fighting to change all the challenging feelings - so draining and like smacking your head against a brick wall!

Yeah wow you said that really well, I definitely labeled any and all anxious feelings as bad - that can get soooo exhausting. Like slapping yourself on the wrist every time you feel a certain way, wow, its pretty obvious how that can just escalate the problem, but for some reason it really wasn't obvious to me.
I would just feel so ashamed or horrible for feeling anxious, it felt like an atomic bomb just going off in my body from all the emotion I was generating from it. I never even once considered to let it be okay and not try to change it, my intolerance to that emotion was just incredible. It was like I was allergic to that emotion or something lol.

[mountain human]

Originally Posted by CharlotteJ

Definitely, CR.

ACT is a lot about not judging and labelling feelings as "good" or "bad" and not fighting to get RID of challenging or difficult feelings. It's about noticing them, allowing them to be, allowing them to pass in their own time. It doesn't mean never taking constructive action (like going for a walk or listening to calming music) but it's about accepting that ALL feelings are okay and not inherently something to get rid of or "fix"...

I had to do years of CBT (and make some progress but still struggle a lot) before I'd consider such an approach, though... I can't imagine still fighting to change all the challenging feelings - so draining and like smacking your head against a brick wall!

Although ACT is fairly new (my therapist does ACT), the concept is basically borrowed from Buddhist principles over 2500 years old. Feelings are considered to be no different than a breeze that blows over you, then it's gone. It's temporary, feel it and accept it without judgement. It doesn't need to be "fixed" or struggled against. What a concept, eh?

[invisible silence]

Thanks for posting this! It's so true. My anxiety used to be a lot worse than it is now. It finally started going down some when I finally realized that a lot of my anxiety comes from the fear of being anxious in itself. Just like stacking bricks on top of bricks and making the feeling it that much heavier. I still struggle with it a lot, but I'm trying to learn to accept it for what it is and not feel so ashamed by it all the time. I think the shame is really what got to me. Thinking that there was something wrong with me because I had anxiety. Turns out it doesn't make me that much of a weirdo after all, lol.

[CosmicRose]

Originally Posted by invisible silence

Thanks for posting this! It's so true. My anxiety used to be a lot worse than it is now. It finally started going down some when I finally realized that a lot of my anxiety comes from the fear of being anxious in itself. Just like stacking bricks on top of bricks and making the feeling it that much heavier. I still struggle with it a lot, but I'm trying to learn to accept it for what it is and not feel so ashamed by it all the time. I think the shame is really what got to me. Thinking that there was something wrong with me because I had anxiety. Turns out it doesn't make me that much of a weirdo after all, lol.

There seems to be something very alienating about anxiety and that's why we feel so "weird". It can have such a snowball effect. Anxiety is universal, but we forget that, and really judge ourselves for having it. When in reality its just a simple human emotion - its just one of the ranges of emotions we humans have, just like sad, happy, angry, frustrated, anxious, content, etc. It's literally just an emotion, its not something to be so ashamed about. Hard to remember that when it really strikes though, especially when the physical symptoms start showing, but we have to learn to be okay with that too.

Personally it helps me to think there's nothing "wrong" with me. It helps me to think that this is totally normal, which it is, some people just have a much better way of hiding their emotions and I think this comes down to how expressive some people are. And the triggers are different for everyone. Someone can get anxious about giving a speech, and someone else can get anxious about meeting with new clients.

I've always been very expressive with my emotions and I have a hard time covering up how I feel. This means my anxiety can be noticeable too. Which begins that snowball effect...other people have no problem hiding how they feel no matter how anxious they are.

I was watching a funny news bloopers video and it reminded me how common anxiety is.

[muncie]

Thank you Cosmic, an excellent insight. Believe I have been aware of this myself but never saw it put into words which substantiates it.

[muncie]

I read all posts on this subject and all were excellent. I wish all PC members could read this simple concept, it would benefit many.

[CharlotteJ]

Originally Posted by mountain human

Although ACT is fairly new (my therapist does ACT), the concept is basically borrowed from Buddhist principles over 2500 years old. Feelings are considered to be no different than a breeze that blows over you, then it's gone. It's temporary, feel it and accept it without judgement. It doesn't need to be "fixed" or struggled against. What a concept, eh?

I'm a big fan of Buddhist psychology. I particularly like Pema Chodron as a teacher - she has heaps of online teachings + books + audio... She's and American Tibetan Buddhist Nun. She's gentle, humourous... I find her very helpful in understanding these concepts and implementing alternate responses...

There's an analogy that I really wish I could remember... Something about things being challenging and having the possibility of sitting through it / letting it pass but then with out responses we just stick a slab of cement over it and make it so much more difficult for ourselves!

[CharlotteJ]

“This is the path we take in cultivating joy: learning not to armor our basic goodness, learning to appreciate what we have. Most of the time we don’t do this. Rather than appreciate where we are, we continually struggle to nurture our dissatisfaction. It’s like trying to get flowers to grow by pouring cement on the garden.” ~ Pema Chödrön from The Places That Scare You

Not exactly what I was looking for, but close enough!