[Almeera]

I write under a pseudonym here, but my professional activity is pretty public (products that get reviewed online), and I also blog. Recently, I've started having a ridiculous fear of Googling my name. I agonized over it for a few weeks, then did it (massive, massive anxiety attack happened). All 40+ pages. I found nothing bad. (Some harsh reviews, but nowhere near the calamities I was picturing in my head).

So then I started going back to comments I left on other websites, reading or re-reading the replies. Thousands of them. Including the trolls. There are still some websites I haven't covered, but if I so much as *think* about any of them... massive anxiety happens again, to the point where my throat closes up and my hands are sweating like it's the middle of summer.

I'm fully aware that it's bloody stupid to go to X website I used to be active on 3-4 years ago and track down *every* *single* *comment* just to see what people had to say about it then, but I can't stop obsessing over it. My therapist is conveniently on leave until next week and I have no-one to talk to about this, because even as I type it, I feel very, very silly.

Can anyone else relate to this, even a little bit?

[striking]

Unfortunately I cannot relate to your specific fear with me being almost completely anonymous in this world.

Has something changed that is driving this crisis of self-doubt?

Maybe take the view that critical reviews are part of what makes us consider and adapt as necessary. Going back can be healthy if you are looking for a comparison to how you were and to how you are now. By making the decision to look back on your terms you may be able to take the fear out of this exercise.

Trolls? Talk about untreated mental health issues!

[Turtlesoup]

I can relate to your issue-it took a lot of effort & courage to start posting here. I don't do well with conflict but for some reason I am like a moth to a flame with message boards-I rarely post but I let myself get pulled into others' conflicts. I have a lot of social anxiety & since I have been seeing a tdoc & pdoc regularly, taking my meds & posting here I am doing much better. I've been able to post some reviews on Amazon & Goodreads-I think if I had done a lot of posting before working on this I would have been constantly checking to see if others had said mean things. I also really limit myself to reading comments like on random news articles-I stop & ask myself is this really something that interests me or am I just morbidly fascinated by the conflict? I am sure there are others that have experienced similar issues with this-good luck & take care.

[Almeera]

Originally Posted by striking

Unfortunately I cannot relate to your specific fear with me being almost completely anonymous in this world.

Has something changed that is driving this crisis of self-doubt?

Maybe take the view that critical reviews are part of what makes us consider and adapt as necessary. Going back can be healthy if you are looking for a comparison to how you were and to how you are now. By making the decision to look back on your terms you may be able to take the fear out of this exercise.

Trolls? Talk about untreated mental health issues!

Ah, how I envy you... I put a lot of my life online since I was 14 and running the high school newsletter on my website. By the time I realized how much stuff was out there, it was already too late to put the cat back in the bag.

Nothing changed, other than the fact that I started drinking coffee again, which means that my anxiety has spiked out of control for the first few days. It's been about two weeks since, though, so I don't think that's the problem. I've always doubted myself, on the other hand. I'm very dependant on outside feedback, that's how I create my self-image (it's bad, I know), and I lack feedback in most of my day-to-day situations.

It did help me to look back, though. Even to posts I made in this forum It helped put things in perspective, how they were vs. how they are now (and made me realize I was a bit silly to focus on wanting to *have* stuff rather than *be* something better).

And yeah... **** trolls.

Originally Posted by Turtlesoup

I can relate to your issue-it took a lot of effort & courage to start posting here. I don't do well with conflict but for some reason I am like a moth to a flame with message boards-I rarely post but I let myself get pulled into others' conflicts. I have a lot of social anxiety & since I have been seeing a tdoc & pdoc regularly, taking my meds & posting here I am doing much better. I've been able to post some reviews on Amazon & Goodreads-I think if I had done a lot of posting before working on this I would have been constantly checking to see if others had said mean things. I also really limit myself to reading comments like on random news articles-I stop & ask myself is this really something that interests me or am I just morbidly fascinated by the conflict? I am sure there are others that have experienced similar issues with this-good luck & take care.

Oh my Gosh - me too! I can't stop myself scrolling down to the comments on an article, then I read them and get SO angry sometimes it's not funny! Sometimes I can't help replying, and then I wait in CONSTANT stress (I can't empathize how bad it is) to see if anyone replies... until I snap and delete/edit what I commented for fear of starting a flame war. I deleted every single less than 5 stars review I wrote on Shelfari (same as Goodreads) for fear the author will read it and feel bad (or be mean to me). Ugh. It's out of hand.

Psych Central seems like a safe place to post, at least. To be honest, I'm hoping that getting used to posting here will give me an outlet to express myself and get used to engaging in discussions without expecting the worst every time. So far, so good!