[birdie8]

Hi everyone!

I am new here and also new to anxiety. A couple months ago, I started having (what turned out to be) panic attacks. I felt like I was going to die, my heart beat would race, I would feel a knot in my stomach that wouldn't go away.

Some of my anxiety seems totally out of the blue. Like I'm watching TV with my husband and all of sudden WHAM it hits me.

Another source seems to be food/drink. I am worried that eating XYZ will kick start a panic attack or harm me in some way, even if I reasonably know that is not true. For instance: Water. I used to drink a lot of water. I never had any problem. I just liked water and if I'm at work and bored, it's better to have a couple sips of ice water than eat a bunch of candy. Ever since this anxiety thing has started, all I can think about is how too much water can be lethal. Even though I logically know that "too much" is WAY more than I am drinking, I still can't get it out of my head.

Another source is medicine/vitamins. The first panic attack that I really remember happened after I took a vitamin and became convinced that I was going to die. (I didn't. It was 1 regular old vitamin, there was no logical reason to think this.) The next happened after I took an antihistamine pill - I took it right before bed to help myself sleep since I'd been having an itchy day but instead, had a very scary panic attack where I was convinced that if I fell asleep, I would die. It was awful. (At this point, I decided to go to therapy, which I had never done before since I hadn't really had any reason before now.)

I've been working with my therapist for a couple months and I started yoga and I try to do meditation. But at the start of this month, I had another really bad panic attack for no real reason. It was awful and I cried all day and couldn't go to work. I have a knot of anxiety in my stomach almost every day. I have anxious thoughts often. I am scared all the time. My husband had a glass of sangria the other day and all I could think about was, "What if he gets alcohol poisoning?!" and started freaking out. (Which is logically ridiculous.) I got worried that my birth control is causing my anxiety and had some panic times with that, too. I got scared that eating one-day-old expired pretzels were going to kill me.

My therapist suggested I talk to my GP about medication, which I did. My GP prescribed 10 mg Lexapro and also gave me a prescription for Xanax. She said I would be on the lexpro for at least a year if it's working for me, and then we would wean off it in the summer time since the winters here are bad and depressing for anybody.

I didn't fill the Xanax prescription but I did get the Lexapro. And when I went to the doc, I was okay with the idea of medication. But now that I have the pills....I am too scared to take them! And yesterday, I was just crying and crying because I am so scared to the pills and I made the mistake of reading the side effects. I think I might have "pharmacophobia", which could make sense because I had a terrible experience with corticosteroids and Red Skin Syndrome (basically = 1-2 years or more of full-body rashes, itching, weeping skin, and burn-victim level redness).

Anyway. I'm sorry for the long story, but I just wondered if anyone else been too scared to take their medicine and how they handled.

[striking]

Sounds awful to have constant panic attack triggers.

You may have part of the solution in that pill bottle. Taking your medication is a commitment to your own recovery. You have gone this far because you decided you needed help. Do you trust your therapist? How about your MD? When the panic arrives, recall who has your best interests in mind (you and your doctors).

[Disorder7]

I'm afraid of some of the "big guns" for bipolar, like lithium, Depakote, and the first generation of antipsychotics. Read some of those side effects.

But 10mg of lexapro? That's nothing. It's a "cleaner" version of celexa.
It's reduced my panic attacks. Really no side effects. It's like candy compared to some of the stuff out there.