[Evaluna]

The day after my daughter was born and I was still in the hospital, a became convinced that she was going to die. Horrible, I know, but this thought came from nowhere one evening and its never gone away.

She's 6 now and every few days I get this feeling that if she's not with me something terrible is going to happen and I won't be there to help her. I only have one child so I'm not sure if this is something every parent thinks about, but for me to worry about this so often makes me think this is not normal.

Its happened again tonight, and I had to go and climb in her bed with her and cuddle her even though she's fast asleep. It makes me worry to the point of feeling light headed and nauseous and short of breath.

I let her do most things kids usually do, she will sleep at my friends house to play with her kids because I don't want her to know anything about this, but when she's gone I literally cannot enjoy my time alone through worrying. Its driving me crazy!

Hello Evaluna: No... this is not typical. Every parent worries for her / his child, but not to the degree you are doing. You are to be commended for not allowing your fears to keep your daughter from doing what kids do. But I would imagine this is difficult for you.

I was caught by the beginning of your second sentence: "It's horrible, I know..." I think one would have to consider this to be sort-of what we refer to as a "Freudian slip"... something of significance one says which one does not recognize. It sounds to me as though you are struggling both with the fear of your daughter dying, and also with guilt that you feel for having these fears to begin with.

These sorts of things feed off of one another. First there's the thought, then the thought about the thought, & the guilt about the thought, etc... Each time this process repeats it is reinforced & becomes stronger & more deeply embedded. I don't know that there is any easy remedy for this. The reason this got started to begin with, & what to do about it now, are things that my be best addressed with a therapist. My best wishes to you...

I think its normal to worry/wonder about if things are ok while she's gone, but to the degree youre doing and feeling has to be difficult. Do you have a psych. Or therapist? It would be a good idea to talk through your process with someone, I think.

[Evaluna]

The thing is saying it out loud to someone really terrifies me. I used to think that it would mean I was failing as a parent and she would be taken away from me. I know that that's not true now.

Skeezyks what you said seems to make such perfect sense. I've never thought of it like that before but getting out of that cycle seems impossible!,