[tallulahxoxo]

To start off, this is my personal experience, I'm not trying to generalize "all people with anxiety" at all. I just wanted some people to converse with about this. Thank you. (:

Okay so my therapist has been challenging me to go meet people. Go to parties. Form a "bouquet" of people to know. So I've been trying. I went to one party last week and one this week. Both times I left within an hour.
Last night I went to a cocktail party at my friend's house, I didn't know anyone except the friend who invited me.
I took some xanax before going. I made some small talk. Drank a light drink. Then he turned on the movie Friday the 13th and I sat on the couch and started watching that.
THE MOVIE WAS SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING TO ME THAN THE PEOPLE THERE. Everyone else continued to mingle with small talk. I'm starting to think I'm a ****** or maybe these weren't my kinda people but uhhhhhhmmmm...... Bored?????
Then I left and rode my bike around the beach before catching the bus home.
THE BIKE RIDE WAS THE BEST PART.

So I'm starting to feel like.. Though I do get socially anxious.. Maybe these "parties" just aren't my thing? Not to mention I wasn't particularly interested in what really anyone had to say. I was bored.

Like I used to get so self conscious and anxious and now I'm just like uhhhhhhhh ?????? I don't wanna be here because I am bored. Maybe I should start going to swingers parties or idk.

Thank you for reading I just really wanted to get that out.

[sideblinded]

SqrqhJean

Thanks for sharing, I am glad that you were able to get this out. I think you know yourself and what you are interested in. I'm sure your therapist was just trying to help by getting you out in social situations. I think much of what you talk about is knowing what you like and don't like. There are other ways to meet people if that is important to you. Maybe the party scene is not for you but I wouldn't give up on exploring other venues to meet people. Maybe one on one is better and if you are actually interested in that person would help. If you are bored then maybe that approach is not for you. Speak with your therapist again and tell them that you tried that. See if they come up with some other good ideas for you. Introversion is not a bad thing at all. It is just the way we approach things. Best wishes.

[CosmicRose]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to leave a party after an hour or not even go to a party in the first place. I find it a little odd that your therapist expects you to form a "bouquet" of people to know based on going to a few parties? Geeze, if that were true, I'd be super popular right now because of all the parties I've been to. There's a difference between just meeting random people at a party and mingling, versus finding good people to be in your life...you can't really force that. It's mostly luck, like bumping into a stranger and connecting, or a slow growth of establishing a friendship over time.

Honestly I've had therapists force me out of my comfort zone too and I didn't like it, not because I didn't want to do it but because I saw the futility in it and the pointlessness of it because I knew you can't force something like that. I ended up just feeling uncomfortable and going home early. So this form of CBT or whatever that therapy technique is called, I'm not really a fan of it...maybe it's not so much cbt as it is just forcing someone out of their comfort zone, which is what we as social anxiety-sufferers do daily just by being alive.

Anyway...never do something that doesn't feel right to you. And it's okay to leave. This life is yours, no one else's. Only you know what works for you.
As far as the b**chyness, I've been called stuck-up before...I don't care anymore, because if they won't take the time to get to know me and figure out why I might be feeling/acting a certain way, then oh well.

Good luck! Trust yourself.

[tallulahxoxo]

Thanks so much both of you!

CosmicRose: I feel like we are totally on the same page!

I DO understand that I need to "get out," I guess that's what I'm learning from all this.. Trial and error. .

[Hellion]

I am not really big on parties at all, not really due to my anxiety...I don't know to me they're just really chaotic, hard to really converse with anyone since most I've been to are loud...and I always end up smoking far more cigarettes than I wanted to, or bumming them out to people who go around asking everyone for a cigarette. Maybe I have some cannabis and before I know it I've smoked almost all that with the people at the party...but yet it did not lead me to a new-found friendship, and half the people that smoked probably where already drunk/too caught up in trying to be the life of the party or whatever to even really appreciate my sharing.

I kind of prefer hanging out with a smaller group of people...not as loud/chaotic and easier to prepare for. Also when it comes to sharing anything its easier to do that with less people....rather than going to a party with a couple or a few people i know and then trying to be discreet about cigarettes or if we brought our own alcohol so the rest of the party doesn't devour it all.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by SqrqhJean

To start off, this is my personal experience, I'm not trying to generalize "all people with anxiety" at all. I just wanted some people to converse with about this. ... self conscious and anxious and now I'm just like uhhhhhhhh ?????? I don't wanna be here because I am bored. Maybe I should start going to swingers parties or idk.

Thank you for reading I just really wanted to get that out.

Well at least you got to the party which is quite an achievement under the circumstances. Parties where you know only a person or two can be hard, unless by good fortune and happy chance you bump into someone you get on with. Better luck nest time.

[ChipperMonkey]

Dollars to donuts your therapist is an extrovert. MANY therapists only cater to the extrovert crowd and don't take into account that things which HELP and extrovert only HURT an introvert. Yes, extroverts thrive in the company of other people, so going to a party would serve to get them out of their shells and gain from the energy of the crowd. An introvert in the same situation is just drained by all that social interaction.

Tell your therapist you are an introvert and suggestions to go to parties aren't helpful. If she dismisses you, find a new therapist as she isn't right for you.

[Symbolic]

I can't stand mingling & small talk. I'm either bored out of my head, or feeling self-conscious. Usually both. I have uncommon interests, so a lot of the typical small-talk subjects end up getting awkward pretty quickly when it becomes apparent there's no common ground between myself and the person I'm talking to. If I find someone who shares in my interests, or is at least interesting and entertaining, I can engage with them easily, but everyone else... nope.

My girlfriend is the complete opposite. She's a social butterfly who can talk to anyone about anything, and has no problem initiating small talk with stranger. She enjoys it. I usually don't engage when she does it. I probably should, but after a minute or two of listening to her talk to this new person, I've already lost interest in whatever they have to say and just want them to leave, but she's well on her way to making a new friend.

I'm not sure whether I'm the weird one, or she is.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Symbolic

I can't stand mingling & small talk. I'm either bored out of my head, or feeling self-conscious. Usually both. I have uncommon interests, so a lot..er they have to say and just want them to leave, but she's well on her way to making a new friend.

I'm not sure whether I'm the weird one, or she is.

As a matter of interest what would they have to speak about to keep you interested?