[daisiesneverlie]

I just started cognitive therapy for my agoraphobia and this coming weekend i have to travel 3 hrs and stay in a hotel and attend a dance competition....(with out my husband) I am so terrified just thinking about it brings on a panic attack....I don't know how i am going to do this!!! But i have to for my daughter....any advice would be welcome....

[SecretGarden]

I just love your gumby avatar... made me smile. Thank you.

I wonder if there are things that might make you feel less stressed while you are there. Might you take things that might make you feel more at home... a comforter, pictures, etc..? Might you also have a cell phone or something that will help you feel connected with others that might comfort you? How would you envision a successful weekend and what would that include? Relaxation music might make you feel in a place that would be more comfortable? Headphones... What will work for you?

Also, I hope that you will have a good weekend and successful. Think of how much this means to your daughter. Know that while you are in treatment (and beyond... ) things will progress and if things do not always go the best that you celebrate and acknowledge the things that might be going well and what might be done better the next time.

I went to a day long seminar to a wonderful gentleman that was teaching about how to break horses and how that interlocked with people relating to others. The most beautiful thing that I got from that beautiful day ... was... PREPARE YOURSELF FOR SUCCESS. I think that you have started that by starting this post. Good for you. Continue to think of what for you will help make this successful. What do you depend on and what will make it easier for you?

Also, work to let yourself off the hook. Do what you need to do but if it does not go as smoothly as you might dream... do not fault yourself.

One foot in front of the next..... and ... This too shall pass.

Bestest wishes... Practice self hugs ....

[Juliana]

Hi daisies. That's a tough challenge for someone with agoraphobia. I'm remembering how I felt when I had agoraphobia and I would have been having panic attacks at the thought of doing that too. Do you have medication to take that helps a bit?

When I was recovering and starting to go out, I usually did best when I was with my little niece. I guess it's because I knew she depended on me. I couldn't focus as much on my own fears because I was so focused on taking care of her. So, maybe the fact that you're doing this for your daughter, and you have to be the responsible one will make it easier. I hope so.

Just keep reminding yourself that you CAN do this. Some people find it helpful to visualize themselves being in the situation they're dreading and imagining themselves doing well. That didn't work for me. I was better off trying NOT to think about it advance. I had to distract myself because the panic of anticipation was worse than the actual event. I had to try to treat it casually -- and once I was in the situation I had been dreading, I just took it one step at a time and it was never as bad as I thought it would be... and I learned that having a panic attack is not the end of the world. The panic attacks pass. I had to learn to just let them pass and not get freaked out by the fact that I was having one. Once I learned to let go, my panic attacks became less frequent and less severe.

I took my first flight in 10 years last summer. I found that having some "security blanket" items in my purse made me feel better. I had a cellphone with numbers of friends and family programmed just in case I needed to talk to someone, I had Ativan (just in case), anti-nauseants (just in case), peppermints (because sucking on a really strong peppermint calms me down), and my iPod (because focusing on music can distract me from my panic.

Are there things you could take with you that would make you feel less frightened?

I know what a big challenge this is for you. When I had to fly, I just kept reminding myself of how amazing I would feel after I had done it. Accomplishing something I was phobic about would be a powerful confidence boost... and it was. When I got off the plane in Chicago, I felt like a had slayed a dragon. All the planning and anxiety and fear were worth it for that feeling... because that feeling has stayed with me and given me the strength to face other things that frighten me. So, can you try to look at this as an opportunity to do something amazing for your recovery and work on the techniques you have learned in therapy?

Finally, if you really feel that there is no way you can do this, that's okay. Agoraphobia is a powerful disease. If doing this will be unsafe for you and your daughter... if you're not ready for such a big step so soon, don't do it. Find someone else to take your daughter to the competition. Getting better takes time. If you're not ready for this, you're not ready. It's as simple as that.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. It will get easier. I promise.