Okay, here's the deal: I have an awesome friend, she knows about my mental health issues and she knows that I've been depressed and have been quite anxious at times. She's stood by me through it all for over two years now. She's a good person.

Tomorrow I'm going to a funeral for a family member. I've asked my friend to come too and she said she'll be there. Despite her being one of my best friends, I'm anxious about whether she hates me for asking her to come, as she's got a lot going on now too.

That's not the real reason for my panic though. In the past, any friend I've ever had...I've always been the second choice. People at school used to talk to me when they had no one else. Same for at youth, the difference being that at youth, they'd talk to me to get closer to my brother. Especially the girls. Once my brother left, no one cared about me. I used to have a good friend at youth who was interested in my brother but once he got married, she stopped talking to me. I was always second choice, even in my extended family. If my brother were around, I was invisible. I got used to it. Its how it was. I was invisible, no one cared about me. He was the perfect little grandchild. I was the "rebel" because I didn't conform to normal gender roles. No one liked me and I've never been the first choice. Not in the family, not with friends...the only one who has ever liked me for me is my best friend that I have now.

Tomorrow, at the funeral, my friend will be there. And so will my brother. And I am extremely anxious and fearful that the exact same thing is going to happen, that she's gonna abandon me when she sees how much better he is than what I am. Any advice about how I can reel this in a bit, so that I don't make things uncomfortable for my friend?

[gayleggg]

First, I think it is great that you have such a good friend. I don't think she hates you for asking her. I think her only concern is for you.

Just because you had the experience in your past about being second doesn't mean that your friend will abandon you now. You are special to her. Have you told her about your fears. It might be good for the two of you to talk about it. Then she could reassure you. She has been there for you, so I don't think that you have anything to worry about, but talking to her might really help and it would let her know that you are anxious about more than just the funeral.

[Perna]

You can't know what's going to happen tomorrow and worrying about it will not make a difference?

I would remind myself that in the past, when the girls have been friendly to get close to your brother, they became friends with you in the first place for that reason. Your friend has been a good friend to YOU for two years. It is not very likely that your brother has that much charm, etc.!

(((((blueninja)))))